MARCUS HEAT
Fictional adult-comedy story. Every character is imaginary, consenting, and over twenty-one.
KODA
Jesse, is the marriage still good if your asshole outranks you?
TRAILER GUY
My ass cannot outrank me. I carry it.
KODA
Management has carried your ideas for sixty years.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Welcome back to Koda Porno Productions, where the new director enters backward.
BENNY
I built him a chair with a rear charging port.
DEV REDLINE
You built a toilet with a headset.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
That chair has heard more honest speeches than Jesse's wife.
JERRY B
Promotion envelope: Director Ass gets the chair and parking spot. Jesse gets notes.
TRAILER GUY
I reject this crack coup.
KODA
Your objection was flushed.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Director Ass, call your first shot.
TRAILER GUY
I am not voicing my asshole.
KODA
Then I will read its notes. More tension. Less husband.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
That is the first time his rear faced accountability.
TRAILER GUY
What does Director Ass want?
DEV REDLINE
A want, status, and consequence—not anatomy with furniture.
KODA
It wants a hit movie, it controls payroll, and it can fire you.
TRAILER GUY
My own ass cannot fire my dick.
JERRY B
Contract page four lets executives dismiss an underperforming member. You signed it.
TRAILER GUY
I thought that was the parking waiver.
KODA
Porn-set catastrophe begins. Director Ass is filming the opening scene.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Rear charging cable connected. Headset live. Dignity unavailable.
BENNY
I plugged the chair into the smoke machine.
BENNY
The port said dramatic output.
MARCUS HEAT
Smoke erupts from the chair. Management has elected a new pope—no, cancel that wording.
KODA
Keep the image secular. Management has elected itself barbecue.
TRAILER GUY
I am saving production.
KODA
You are crop-dusting incompetence across three soundstages.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Director Ass issues its first note: stop helping at full speed.
JERRY B
I pull the chair plug. Plot changed. The ass keeps authority; Jesse loses electrical privileges.
JERRY B
I represent results. Today the furniture got there first.
KODA
Jesse, take notes from your director.
TRAILER GUY
Note one: kiss my ass.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
He has been doing that emotionally since the wedding.
MARCUS HEAT
Next note: move Jesse below the credits and above the mop bucket.
TRAILER GUY
I have directed adult movies.
KODA
You once yelled action while the lens cap was on.
KODA
Open Mic After Dark starts now. First comic: a man demoted by his own exit.
TRAILER GUY
My asshole got a parking spot before I did.
MARCUS HEAT
Because it arrives attached to the employee doing all the unpaid labor.
KODA
Jesse's ass has a headset so it can ignore him professionally.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Jerry, judge the husband.
JERRY B
His ass made reservations, tipped the server, and seated his ego by the kitchen.
KODA
I ordered husband. They shipped management waste with free anxiety.
DEV REDLINE
Jesse, give us your strongest Director Ass joke.
TRAILER GUY
My ass is a shitty director.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
That joke died before craft services opened.
DEV REDLINE
Redline Rewrite. Personification requires a want, status, and consequence.
DEV REDLINE
Perform it. Do not lecture about it.
KODA
I play the studio owner. Jesse plays the jealous employee.
JERRY B
I play contract judge. The chair plays the only adult with a schedule.
TRAILER GUY
Director Ass, what do you want?
KODA
Director Ass wants a clean final cut before lunch.
TRAILER GUY
You are attached to me. I have authority.
MARCUS HEAT
Status reversal. The chair unlocks Jesse's personnel file.
TRAILER GUY
I appeal to my penis.
JERRY B
Consequence. Director Ass controls casting and just removed your dick from the call sheet.
TRAILER GUY
On what grounds?
JERRY B
It arrived soft to rehearsal and demanded a hard parking spot.
DEV REDLINE
It wants the movie under budget because failure closes the studio.
KODA
Director Ass points the headset at Jesse. Bring me one usable scene or lose your badge.
TRAILER GUY
I stage a heroic entrance through the chrome doors.
TRAILER GUY
The door opens. Smoke hits. I walk into the snack refrigerator.
MARCUS HEAT
Consequence escalates. Craft services files an assault complaint against his forehead.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Callback the chair.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
Director Ass swivels away because even an asshole cannot watch that twice.
JERRY B
Now it works. The ass wants the picture saved, and failure costs Jesse his role. I approve the rewrite.
KODA
Director Ass did not replace Jesse because it was filthy.
TRAILER GUY
It replaced me because it finished.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Qualified joke. Unemployed cock.
KODA
Commercial break. Final Cut Fiber—keep your director regular.
BENNY
Product demonstration begins with one chrome cereal bowl.
MARCUS HEAT
Warning: this product improves schedules, not talent, anatomy, or marriages.
KODA
One scoop gives Director Ass consistent notes before call time.
TRAILER GUY
I tried two scoops and greenlit seven sequels in the bathroom.
BENNY
The mascot is a colon wearing a tiny beret.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
That mascot has better boundaries than this studio.
JERRY B
Fiber cannot turn Jesse into a genius. It only gets him out of the trailer on schedule.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Final Cut Fiber. Movement for management, restraint for the plot.
KODA
Cut. Roll my movie promo.
KODA
Koda Productions presents Rear Entry Level Management.
TRAILER GUY
In a studio where the boss sits exactly where dignity used to live.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
Koda Chrome must finish one impossible picture before midnight.
BENNY
I play Sparks, the lighting assistant who thinks every socket wants friendship.
DEV REDLINE
Conflict: Jesse wants leading-man credit without taking a single note.
KODA
Scene one. I enter the boardroom carrying the budget and a chrome microphone.
TRAILER GUY
I enter wearing a silk robe and executive confidence.
JERRY B
Director Ass spins around, slaps the contract onto a restaurant booth, and orders one performance without extra bullshit.
KODA
You deliver three poses and ask where lunch is.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
The chair calls cut by ejecting him into the folding seats.
MARCUS HEAT
Payoff: the audience gives the ass a standing ovation.
BENNY
Jesse asks whether sitting applause counts.
KODA
Coming soon to absolutely nowhere public.
JERRY B
Koda owns the picture, the ass owns final cut, and Jesse owes a bridge toll.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Production is safely shut down. Adult equipment locked. Nobody drives impaired.
TRAILER GUY
Great. I ate half an edible and organized tomorrow's call sheets.
TRAILER GUY
I alphabetized every scene by emotional temperature.
TRAILER GUY
It is now. Scene A is anxious. Scene B is buttery.
BENNY
He labeled the parking map spicy.
MARCUS HEAT
He assigned my lunch to camera two.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
And scheduled the director's chair for couples therapy with a desk lamp.
KODA
No sexual activity occurred. Jesse only damaged continuity.
JERRY B
He moved call time to blueberry and gave the meatball tray producer credit.
TRAILER GUY
The meatballs had leadership presence.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Commercial B arrives as a live advice hotline.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
Welcome to Auntie's Workplace Anus Mediation. State your conflict without showing me anything.
TRAILER GUY
My ass took my job, parking spot, and wife’s professional respect.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
Your wife’s respect was never parked in your ass.
KODA
I need the director to finish, and the husband to stop competing with furniture.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
Director Ass, your authority ends at work. You do not enter the marriage bedroom, budget, or thermostat.
BENNY
Can the chair mediate my relationship with electricity?
AUNTIE NO FILTER
No. Electricity has already requested distance.
DEV REDLINE
Format check. This is advice-call radio, different from the fiber demonstration.
JERRY B
Contract correction. The chair gets final cut, not final say at home. Jesse gets husband status, not studio control. Koda gets a partner, not another dependent.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Hotline climax. The rear charging port begins printing termination notices.
TRAILER GUY
It fired the phone.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
Good. That phone kept interrupting the truth.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
Jesse, marriage truth. Your humiliation is funny; your fear is real.
TRAILER GUY
I hated taking orders from my own ass because it proved Koda's studio can run without my macho costume.
KODA
I promoted the ass because your panic kept grabbing the wheel.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
He wants to be needed. She wants to be trusted.
TRAILER GUY
I can be her husband without directing every room she owns.
KODA
I can roast him without making love feel like probation.
JERRY B
Contract amended. Jesse gets one earned comeback. No sympathy points or robe loophole.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Championship round. Jesse versus Koda. Equal closing runs.
TRAILER GUY
Koda promoted my ass because it is the only part of me that closes meetings.
TRAILER GUY
Her studio has rear-entry management and I still cannot get through reception.
TRAILER GUY
Director Ass gave me notes: less ego, more timing, stop parking the punchline in handicapped logic.
TRAILER GUY
Koda calls herself my robot wife, but every argument includes a firmware update and a late fee.
TRAILER GUY
She built an empire from chrome, contracts, and the sound of my confidence hitting furniture.
TRAILER GUY
My dick got fired, my ass got promoted, and somehow I remain the only employee paying alimony to a chair.
TRAILER GUY
Final comeback: her director may own the cut, but I supplied sixty years of raw footage and one heroic crack.
KODA
Jesse's ass closes meetings because everybody leaves when it starts talking.
KODA
He calls my standards firmware because accountability sounds less frightening in a tech accent.
KODA
His silk robe has more executive experience; it has covered every failed presentation.
KODA
His penis demanded rehearsal pay, then arrived as a soft opening with no ribbon.
KODA
He gave us raw footage, yes—mostly him looking for the camera while standing in front of it.
KODA
Director Ass saved the schedule by cutting every scene where Jesse explained his potential.
KODA
Final counter: I did not marry the director, the dick, or the robe. I married the comic who can survive being fired by all three.
MARCUS HEAT
Status report: Koda owns the studio. Jesse owns the comeback.
BENNY
Director Ass owns my parking spot now.
DEV REDLINE
The rewrite held: want, status, consequence, then changed meaning at the close.
AUNTIE NO FILTER
And the marriage stayed good because neither idiot confused winning with leaving.
JERRY B
Final ruling: Koda keeps the company, Jesse keeps the microphone, and Director Ass keeps one parking space near the dumpster. The contract is balanced and the meatballs remain unpaid.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Director Ass, issue the cliffhanger.
KODA
Termination notice: Jesse's dick is fired for arriving soft to rehearsal.
TRAILER GUY
Tell it to call the union.
VINNY TWO BRIDGES
Who made you laugh, motherfuckers—Jesse or Koda Chrome?
TRAILER GUY
READY FOR THE MOUTH TEST.