{"file": "audio/vault/rideshare_four_dollar_war_5min.mp3", "duration_sec": 275.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 9.62, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to"}, {"start": 9.62, "end": 11.7, "text": "the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.7, "end": 16.94, "text": "Tonight the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup"}, {"start": 16.94, "end": 22.18, "text": "of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 22.18, "end": 24.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 24.18, "end": 25.58, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.58, "end": 27.02, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 27.02, "end": 32.09, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 32.09, "end": 38.25, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, the $4 war, 11 fucking years of rideshare economics."}, {"start": 38.25, "end": 43.85, "text": "All fake could be true, $4 ruined your night, and them time turned at the fuck up."}, {"start": 43.85, "end": 50.85, "text": "Self-Rost I thought $4 was better than nothing, broke men negotiate with the app assholes."}, {"start": 50.85, "end": 58.94, "text": "Better than nothing wakes you 50 with highway spine and air freshener soul."}, {"start": 58.94, "end": 66.06, "text": "Search Mirage map red heart stupid, surge 2.5, drive like a moth with a car note dumb ass."}, {"start": 66.06, "end": 71.7, "text": "Arrived, surge gone $4 again, app gas lit me with colors bastards."}, {"start": 71.7, "end": 78.57, "text": "Tag surge is not money, surge is hope with a fucking timer."}, {"start": 78.57, "end": 87.78, "text": "Knock out chased red blobs harder than good decisions, empty lot, what the fuck was that."}, {"start": 87.78, "end": 94.5, "text": "Stop psycho, completely fucking fake, stop, stop real quick that is neither motherfucker."}, {"start": 94.5, "end": 98.66, "text": "$4 becomes a drugstore tour of the whole damn county."}, {"start": 98.66, "end": 103.74, "text": "Two minutes becomes 12, new personality, one more stop brother not your brother, show"}, {"start": 103.74, "end": 106.66, "text": "for dying in traffic prick."}, {"start": 106.66, "end": 110.82, "text": "Tag multi stop needs hazard pay and a fucking therapist."}, {"start": 110.82, "end": 118.18, "text": "Knock out you are the best, best at surviving errands for lunch money dumb ass."}, {"start": 118.18, "end": 122.74, "text": "Our negotiation, five stars if cool, cool about what officer."}, {"start": 122.74, "end": 129.06, "text": "Arctic AC music off no freeways fear root forever, four stars root choice ass hole."}, {"start": 129.06, "end": 138.55, "text": "You design the root with vibes, five star threats are hostage notes with emojis shit heads."}, {"start": 138.55, "end": 146.66, "text": "Knock out stars do not buy gas, ego does not start a fucking Tesla."}, {"start": 146.66, "end": 152.3, "text": "Open drink rule she hears please test me smoothie color of regret, bump modern art on my seat"}, {"start": 152.3, "end": 153.9, "text": "bitch."}, {"start": 153.9, "end": 159.42, "text": "Hopkins do I look like a restaurant purple crime scene, abs shrugs like a coward."}, {"start": 159.42, "end": 167.19, "text": "Tag, rideshare product is trauma bonded to upholstery motherfuckers."}, {"start": 167.19, "end": 171.19, "text": "Knock out berry betrayal in the rain you smoothie psychopath."}, {"start": 171.19, "end": 178.75, "text": "Old man, cane, $4 clinic, you look tired son, tired in languages with no fucking dictionary."}, {"start": 178.75, "end": 185.39, "text": "Tips five on four do not let this be the only thing you are harder than any fucking pothole."}, {"start": 185.39, "end": 194.12, "text": "Just became the job the rating the surge the napkins shit hammer got out not clean not rich"}, {"start": 194.12, "end": 201.32, "text": "but out motherfuckers fake stories that feel true laugh first loudest last ass holes."}, {"start": 201.32, "end": 207.12, "text": "Set up life choices punchline survival tags every stranger using my car as a living room"}, {"start": 207.12, "end": 208.8, "text": "bastards."}, {"start": 208.8, "end": 213.28, "text": "You could not break me only book me for four fucking dollars."}, {"start": 213.28, "end": 217.92, "text": "Turned four dollars into comedy that pays better than your fucking tip."}, {"start": 217.92, "end": 228.12, "text": "Red line end of ride keep the change motherfucker I already did."}, {"start": 228.12, "end": 235.12, "text": "And that is our show, but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every"}, {"start": 235.12, "end": 240.8, "text": "single day of brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps"}, {"start": 240.8, "end": 248.64, "text": "down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep"}, {"start": 248.64, "end": 255.36, "text": "we're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates"}, {"start": 255.36, "end": 261.84, "text": "go to bombed dot app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club"}, {"start": 261.84, "end": 269.44, "text": "open all night because somewhere out there it is always jessie's fault subscribe he needs the attention"}, {"start": 269.44, "end": 270.08, "text": "good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Ladies and gentlemen, the $4 war, 11 fucking years of rideshare economics. All fake could be true, $4 ruined your night, and them time turned at the fuck up. Self-Rost I thought $4 was better than nothing, broke men negotiate with the app assholes. Better than nothing wakes you 50 with highway spine and air freshener soul. Search Mirage map red heart stupid, surge 2.5, drive like a moth with a car note dumb ass. Arrived, surge gone $4 again, app gas lit me with colors bastards. Tag surge is not money, surge is hope with a fucking timer. Knock out chased red blobs harder than good decisions, empty lot, what the fuck was that. Stop psycho, completely fucking fake, stop, stop real quick that is neither motherfucker. $4 becomes a drugstore tour of the whole damn county. Two minutes becomes 12, new personality, one more stop brother not your brother, show for dying in traffic prick. Tag multi stop needs hazard pay and a fucking therapist. Knock out you are the best, best at surviving errands for lunch money dumb ass. Our negotiation, five stars if cool, cool about what officer. Arctic AC music off no freeways fear root forever, four stars root choice ass hole. You design the root with vibes, five star threats are hostage notes with emojis shit heads. Knock out stars do not buy gas, ego does not start a fucking Tesla. Open drink rule she hears please test me smoothie color of regret, bump modern art on my seat bitch. Hopkins do I look like a restaurant purple crime scene, abs shrugs like a coward. Tag, rideshare product is trauma bonded to upholstery motherfuckers. Knock out berry betrayal in the rain you smoothie psychopath. Old man, cane, $4 clinic, you look tired son, tired in languages with no fucking dictionary. Tips five on four do not let this be the only thing you are harder than any fucking pothole. Just became the job the rating the surge the napkins shit hammer got out not clean not rich but out motherfuckers fake stories that feel true laugh first loudest last ass holes. Set up life choices punchline survival tags every stranger using my car as a living room bastards. You could not break me only book me for four fucking dollars. Turned four dollars into comedy that pays better than your fucking tip. Red line end of ride keep the change motherfucker I already did. And that is our show, but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep we're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed dot app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always jessie's fault subscribe he needs the attention good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}