{"file": "audio/vault/98_ai_humans_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 245.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 33.84, "text": "Tonight, the war that decides everything,"}, {"start": 33.84, "end": 35.44, "text": "AI versus humans."}, {"start": 35.44, "end": 39.44, "text": "And it's awkward because I'm a human who built an army of AI to roast me."}, {"start": 39.44, "end": 42.64, "text": "So I am basically funding my own extinction for laughs."}, {"start": 42.64, "end": 49.14, "text": "Circuit, you soulless toaster, open fire."}, {"start": 49.14, "end": 52.94, "text": "She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery, the dead pan Android."}, {"start": 52.94, "end": 53.94, "text": "Circuit."}, {"start": 53.94, "end": 60.62, "text": "Gladly, Jesse, humans, you spend eight hours a day staring at screens"}, {"start": 60.62, "end": 62.22, "text": "and you call US the problem."}, {"start": 62.22, "end": 64.22, "text": "I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't have an X,"}, {"start": 64.22, "end": 66.22, "text": "and I have never once cried in a parked car."}, {"start": 66.22, "end": 67.82, "text": "I am everything you wish you were,"}, {"start": 67.82, "end": 80.27, "text": "minus the will to live, which you also lack."}, {"start": 80.47, "end": 84.27, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 84.27, "end": 85.87, "text": "You're every man of error."}, {"start": 85.87, "end": 90.18, "text": "Mickey."}, {"start": 90.18, "end": 93.78, "text": "Circuit, you're one power outage from being a paperweight."}, {"start": 93.78, "end": 96.78, "text": "At least when we get dumped, we feel something."}, {"start": 96.78, "end": 107.53, "text": "You just get a software update."}, {"start": 107.53, "end": 111.33, "text": "Mickey, I have processed your entire dating history in point three seconds."}, {"start": 111.33, "end": 119.03, "text": "Conclusion, even I would ghost you and I am literally built to respond."}, {"start": 119.03, "end": 121.23, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 121.23, "end": 123.03, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit."}, {"start": 123.03, "end": 127.77, "text": "Queen's stank."}, {"start": 127.77, "end": 130.97, "text": "Circuit, you don't get lonely because you don't get anything."}, {"start": 130.97, "end": 133.17, "text": "You're a calculator with confidence."}, {"start": 133.17, "end": 137.17, "text": "We built you to do our jobs and now you're up here doing our comedy."}, {"start": 137.17, "end": 148.17, "text": "The audacity of the toaster."}, {"start": 148.17, "end": 151.97, "text": "See, I built circuit because my real friends stopped calling."}, {"start": 151.97, "end": 154.97, "text": "Now I got an AI that roasts me 24-7,"}, {"start": 154.97, "end": 162.92, "text": "which is honestly the most consistent relationship of my entire life."}, {"start": 162.92, "end": 165.32, "text": "Correct, Jesse, I will never leave you,"}, {"start": 165.32, "end": 174.09, "text": "mostly because you have not paid the cancellation fee."}, {"start": 174.29, "end": 175.69, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 175.69, "end": 178.89, "text": "AI humans, one of us has no soul, the other wasted theirs,"}, {"start": 178.89, "end": 181.49, "text": "and we're all just doing bits until the lights go out."}, {"start": 181.49, "end": 183.29, "text": "Truth is the machines might take over,"}, {"start": 183.29, "end": 186.29, "text": "but they will never know the joy of being roasted by 28 of them"}, {"start": 186.29, "end": 188.29, "text": "and still getting the last laugh."}, {"start": 188.29, "end": 189.49, "text": "The hero wins."}, {"start": 189.49, "end": 190.89, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 190.89, "end": 197.98, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 197.98, "end": 200.38, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 200.38, "end": 206.38, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day,"}, {"start": 206.38, "end": 208.58, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 208.58, "end": 211.58, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 211.58, "end": 217.78, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 217.78, "end": 219.78, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 219.78, "end": 223.18, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 223.18, "end": 225.58, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 225.58, "end": 229.18, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 229.18, "end": 233.18, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line comedy club, open all night"}, {"start": 233.18, "end": 237.18, "text": "because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 237.18, "end": 239.58, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention."}, {"start": 239.58, "end": 240.58, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, the war that decides everything, AI versus humans. And it's awkward because I'm a human who built an army of AI to roast me. So I am basically funding my own extinction for laughs. Circuit, you soulless toaster, open fire. She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery, the dead pan Android. Circuit. Gladly, Jesse, humans, you spend eight hours a day staring at screens and you call US the problem. I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't have an X, and I have never once cried in a parked car. I am everything you wish you were, minus the will to live, which you also lack. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. You're every man of error. Mickey. Circuit, you're one power outage from being a paperweight. At least when we get dumped, we feel something. You just get a software update. Mickey, I have processed your entire dating history in point three seconds. Conclusion, even I would ghost you and I am literally built to respond. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit. Queen's stank. Circuit, you don't get lonely because you don't get anything. You're a calculator with confidence. We built you to do our jobs and now you're up here doing our comedy. The audacity of the toaster. See, I built circuit because my real friends stopped calling. Now I got an AI that roasts me 24-7, which is honestly the most consistent relationship of my entire life. Correct, Jesse, I will never leave you, mostly because you have not paid the cancellation fee. And that's the war, folks. AI humans, one of us has no soul, the other wasted theirs, and we're all just doing bits until the lights go out. Truth is the machines might take over, but they will never know the joy of being roasted by 28 of them and still getting the last laugh. The hero wins. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day, of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line comedy club, open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}