{"file": "audio/vault/97_cuss_class_1.mp3", "duration_sec": 272.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.95, "text": "In a world full of words they tell you you can't say."}, {"start": 34.95, "end": 37.15, "text": "One club says, say them all."}, {"start": 37.15, "end": 39.15, "text": "Except the one we never touch."}, {"start": 39.15, "end": 40.95, "text": "Welcome to the CUS class."}, {"start": 40.95, "end": 43.55, "text": "Tonight we teach you the dirtiest seasoning in comedy."}, {"start": 43.55, "end": 50.88, "text": "Adults only, aprons on."}, {"start": 50.88, "end": 52.68, "text": "Welcome to class, you filthy students."}, {"start": 52.68, "end": 53.68, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 53.68, "end": 57.28, "text": "I cuss so much my dogs flinch and my room but file to complaint."}, {"start": 57.28, "end": 58.28, "text": "But here's the lesson."}, {"start": 58.28, "end": 59.68, "text": "A CUS word is hot sauce."}, {"start": 59.68, "end": 61.08, "text": "A drop makes the plate."}, {"start": 61.08, "end": 62.68, "text": "The whole bottle ruins it."}, {"start": 62.68, "end": 64.68, "text": "Professor teach him."}, {"start": 64.68, "end": 70.6, "text": "Rule one, profanity is rhythm, not volume."}, {"start": 70.6, "end": 74.2, "text": "The word damn lands because of where it sits."}, {"start": 74.2, "end": 75.8, "text": "Not how loud you scream it."}, {"start": 75.8, "end": 77.0, "text": "Amateurs yell it."}, {"start": 77.0, "end": 78.8, "text": "Professionals place it."}, {"start": 78.8, "end": 79.8, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 79.8, "end": 85.54, "text": "Observe."}, {"start": 85.54, "end": 86.54, "text": "Clean version."}, {"start": 86.54, "end": 89.14, "text": "Jesse, your credit score is low."}, {"start": 89.14, "end": 90.14, "text": "Forgettable."}, {"start": 90.14, "end": 93.34, "text": "Now with one drop of sauce on the beat."}, {"start": 93.34, "end": 96.94, "text": "Jesse, your credit score said, oh hell no."}, {"start": 96.94, "end": 103.7, "text": "That's the seasoning."}, {"start": 103.7, "end": 105.3, "text": "See, the pause did the work."}, {"start": 105.3, "end": 110.63, "text": "Pops show in the wrong way."}, {"start": 110.63, "end": 113.23, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 113.23, "end": 115.03, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 115.03, "end": 119.44, "text": "Pops."}, {"start": 119.44, "end": 122.94, "text": "Jesse, you damn hell no good, stupid freaking."}, {"start": 122.94, "end": 127.54, "text": "Uh, what was the joke?"}, {"start": 129.54, "end": 130.54, "text": "Exactly."}, {"start": 130.54, "end": 133.74, "text": "Pops just emptied the whole bottle and you can't taste the food."}, {"start": 133.74, "end": 135.94, "text": "Five cuss words, zero laughs."}, {"start": 135.94, "end": 136.94, "text": "That's not spice."}, {"start": 136.94, "end": 138.94, "text": "That's a chemical spill."}, {"start": 138.94, "end": 146.38, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 146.38, "end": 152.98, "text": "All hail the queen of the burn unit, queen stank."}, {"start": 152.98, "end": 155.98, "text": "Baby, here's a my rule you cuss up at the powerful."}, {"start": 155.98, "end": 157.68, "text": "Never down at the broke."}, {"start": 157.68, "end": 160.48, "text": "You roast the bank, not the guy who can't pay it."}, {"start": 160.48, "end": 164.18, "text": "Jesse's broke, so we roast his choices, not his wallet."}, {"start": 164.18, "end": 165.18, "text": "Mostly."}, {"start": 165.18, "end": 168.18, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 168.18, "end": 170.53, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 170.53, "end": 171.83, "text": "I street rule."}, {"start": 171.83, "end": 175.53, "text": "The cuss goes on the last word, never the first."}, {"start": 175.53, "end": 179.53, "text": "Jesse, you're a romantic, nothing."}, {"start": 179.53, "end": 183.83, "text": "Jesse, you're a romantic, disaster."}, {"start": 183.83, "end": 184.93, "text": "Boom."}, {"start": 184.93, "end": 187.63, "text": "Land the plane, then curse the runway."}, {"start": 193.63, "end": 197.63, "text": "And the one rule we never break, students, we go all the way blue."}, {"start": 197.63, "end": 200.23, "text": "But we never cuss the big guy upstairs,"}, {"start": 200.23, "end": 208.15, "text": "because that name belongs to the man who signs the checks."}, {"start": 208.15, "end": 210.65, "text": "That's the lesson cuss like a chef, not a fire hose,"}, {"start": 210.65, "end": 213.75, "text": "a little heat on the right bite and never the one word we save."}, {"start": 213.75, "end": 216.45, "text": "Class dismissed, laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 216.45, "end": 224.75, "text": "This is red line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 224.75, "end": 227.15, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 227.15, "end": 231.45, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour"}, {"start": 231.45, "end": 235.35, "text": "of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 235.35, "end": 238.45, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 238.45, "end": 243.25, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted,"}, {"start": 243.25, "end": 244.55, "text": "never reheated."}, {"start": 244.55, "end": 246.55, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 246.55, "end": 248.95, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 248.95, "end": 250.05, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 250.05, "end": 252.35, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 252.35, "end": 257.35, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 257.35, "end": 259.95, "text": "The red line comedy club, open all night."}, {"start": 259.95, "end": 263.95, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 263.95, "end": 264.95, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 264.95, "end": 266.45, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 266.45, "end": 267.45, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world full of words they tell you you can't say. One club says, say them all. Except the one we never touch. Welcome to the CUS class. Tonight we teach you the dirtiest seasoning in comedy. Adults only, aprons on. Welcome to class, you filthy students. I roast me first. I cuss so much my dogs flinch and my room but file to complaint. But here's the lesson. A CUS word is hot sauce. A drop makes the plate. The whole bottle ruins it. Professor teach him. Rule one, profanity is rhythm, not volume. The word damn lands because of where it sits. Not how loud you scream it. Amateurs yell it. Professionals place it. Oh. Observe. Clean version. Jesse, your credit score is low. Forgettable. Now with one drop of sauce on the beat. Jesse, your credit score said, oh hell no. That's the seasoning. See, the pause did the work. Pops show in the wrong way. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops. Jesse, you damn hell no good, stupid freaking. Uh, what was the joke? Exactly. Pops just emptied the whole bottle and you can't taste the food. Five cuss words, zero laughs. That's not spice. That's a chemical spill. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit, queen stank. Baby, here's a my rule you cuss up at the powerful. Never down at the broke. You roast the bank, not the guy who can't pay it. Jesse's broke, so we roast his choices, not his wallet. Mostly. Oh. Oh. I street rule. The cuss goes on the last word, never the first. Jesse, you're a romantic, nothing. Jesse, you're a romantic, disaster. Boom. Land the plane, then curse the runway. And the one rule we never break, students, we go all the way blue. But we never cuss the big guy upstairs, because that name belongs to the man who signs the checks. That's the lesson cuss like a chef, not a fire hose, a little heat on the right bite and never the one word we save. Class dismissed, laugh before the dark winds. This is red line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The red line comedy club, open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}