{"file": "audio/vault/94_lonely_at_fifty.mp3", "duration_sec": 230.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 35.04, "text": "Red Line Dark Hour tonight 50 and alone."}, {"start": 35.04, "end": 40.04, "text": "I roast me first. I'm 50 single three dogs and the most consistent relationship in my life"}, {"start": 40.04, "end": 42.64, "text": "is with the guy who restocks the self checkout."}, {"start": 42.64, "end": 51.22, "text": "He knows my order. He's seen me cry. Bring it."}, {"start": 51.22, "end": 55.22, "text": "In a world where one man set the table for one so many times"}, {"start": 55.22, "end": 57.22, "text": "the table forgot how to expand."}, {"start": 57.22, "end": 61.22, "text": "His smart speaker is the only thing that says welcome home."}, {"start": 61.22, "end": 63.22, "text": "And it's only doing it for the data."}, {"start": 63.22, "end": 71.54, "text": "He brings the doom, the gloom, and a voice from the bottom of a well."}, {"start": 71.54, "end": 73.54, "text": "Please welcome Graves."}, {"start": 73.54, "end": 81.46, "text": "Jesse, you talk to your dogs in full sentences and wait for answers."}, {"start": 81.46, "end": 85.46, "text": "That's not loneliness. That's a one man play with a three-dog audience"}, {"start": 85.46, "end": 92.38, "text": "that's only there for the food."}, {"start": 92.38, "end": 95.38, "text": "They're great listeners, Graves. Anti-no-mercy."}, {"start": 95.38, "end": 103.06, "text": "Baby, 50 years old, sleeping on one side of a bed you bought for two."}, {"start": 103.06, "end": 106.06, "text": "The other side's so cold it qualifies for its own zip code."}, {"start": 106.06, "end": 108.06, "text": "Sit down."}, {"start": 109.06, "end": 112.34, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 112.34, "end": 117.34, "text": "Hey Jesse, you got nine engagement stories and zero anniversary stories."}, {"start": 117.34, "end": 122.34, "text": "You're a man with a whole highlight reel and no game tape of the actual game."}, {"start": 126.34, "end": 131.66, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 131.66, "end": 134.66, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 134.66, "end": 142.66, "text": "Diagnosis chronic almost, almost married, almost rich, almost rested."}, {"start": 142.66, "end": 144.66, "text": "The good news, you're never alone."}, {"start": 144.66, "end": 147.66, "text": "The loneliness has been loyal. It's the only one that stayed."}, {"start": 154.08, "end": 157.08, "text": "And the closer, a man this alone built a room full of voices"}, {"start": 157.08, "end": 160.08, "text": "just so the silence would have someone to talk to."}, {"start": 160.08, "end": 165.22, "text": "And it worked."}, {"start": 165.22, "end": 168.22, "text": "That's the truth folks. I was so alone I invented a comedy club"}, {"start": 168.22, "end": 171.22, "text": "and now I'm never alone. I'm just outnumbered by people I wrote."}, {"start": 171.22, "end": 174.22, "text": "I'll take it. Laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 174.22, "end": 182.82, "text": "This is Red Line. Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 182.82, "end": 184.82, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 184.82, "end": 190.82, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 190.82, "end": 192.82, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 192.82, "end": 195.82, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 195.82, "end": 201.82, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 201.82, "end": 203.82, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 203.82, "end": 207.82, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 207.82, "end": 209.82, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 209.82, "end": 213.82, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 213.82, "end": 217.82, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night."}, {"start": 217.82, "end": 221.82, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 221.82, "end": 224.82, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Red Line Dark Hour tonight 50 and alone. I roast me first. I'm 50 single three dogs and the most consistent relationship in my life is with the guy who restocks the self checkout. He knows my order. He's seen me cry. Bring it. In a world where one man set the table for one so many times the table forgot how to expand. His smart speaker is the only thing that says welcome home. And it's only doing it for the data. He brings the doom, the gloom, and a voice from the bottom of a well. Please welcome Graves. Jesse, you talk to your dogs in full sentences and wait for answers. That's not loneliness. That's a one man play with a three-dog audience that's only there for the food. They're great listeners, Graves. Anti-no-mercy. Baby, 50 years old, sleeping on one side of a bed you bought for two. The other side's so cold it qualifies for its own zip code. Sit down. Oh! Hey Jesse, you got nine engagement stories and zero anniversary stories. You're a man with a whole highlight reel and no game tape of the actual game. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Diagnosis chronic almost, almost married, almost rich, almost rested. The good news, you're never alone. The loneliness has been loyal. It's the only one that stayed. And the closer, a man this alone built a room full of voices just so the silence would have someone to talk to. And it worked. That's the truth folks. I was so alone I invented a comedy club and now I'm never alone. I'm just outnumbered by people I wrote. I'll take it. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}