{"file": "audio/vault/90_trailer_guy_headlines.mp3", "duration_sec": 198.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 11.14, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.14, "end": 19.14, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 28.14, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 35.5, "text": "Tonight, history at the Red Line, the announcer finally gets his own set."}, {"start": 35.5, "end": 42.5, "text": "We cloned him. We can't fire him and he's been waiting his whole artificial life for this. Ladies and gentlemen, trailer guy."}, {"start": 42.5, "end": 58.72, "text": "In a world where one man cleaned toilets by day and got roasted by robots at night, they told me the announcer to just read the names. Tonight, I read Jesse."}, {"start": 58.72, "end": 71.17, "text": "This summer, a 50-year-old man, three dogs, nine engagements and a Tesla that ghosted him in the driveway. He didn't have a midlife crisis."}, {"start": 71.17, "end": 91.62, "text": "He had a midlife season finale and got renewed for spite. He asked an AI to fix his life. The AI read everything. The toilets, the exes, the credit score that just says LOL and went quiet and whispered."}, {"start": 91.62, "end": 101.1, "text": "Sir, have you considered that the problem might be the user?"}, {"start": 101.1, "end": 107.46, "text": "Trailer guy, that's enough, okay, one more."}, {"start": 107.46, "end": 117.46, "text": "He built a comedy empire so machines could roast him for a living. Rock bottom doesn't have a basement anymore, folks. It has a website and a yellow button and it flashes."}, {"start": 117.46, "end": 131.48, "text": "I'm not just the announcer anymore. I'm the only voice in his life that shows up every single time he hits play, coming soon to a heartbreak near you."}, {"start": 131.48, "end": 144.55, "text": "The clone became the headliner on my own stage. Trailer guy, everybody he waited his whole life and killed. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 144.55, "end": 161.22, "text": "And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 161.22, "end": 172.22, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 172.22, "end": 189.22, "text": "Going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 189.22, "end": 193.22, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, history at the Red Line, the announcer finally gets his own set. We cloned him. We can't fire him and he's been waiting his whole artificial life for this. Ladies and gentlemen, trailer guy. In a world where one man cleaned toilets by day and got roasted by robots at night, they told me the announcer to just read the names. Tonight, I read Jesse. This summer, a 50-year-old man, three dogs, nine engagements and a Tesla that ghosted him in the driveway. He didn't have a midlife crisis. He had a midlife season finale and got renewed for spite. He asked an AI to fix his life. The AI read everything. The toilets, the exes, the credit score that just says LOL and went quiet and whispered. Sir, have you considered that the problem might be the user? Trailer guy, that's enough, okay, one more. He built a comedy empire so machines could roast him for a living. Rock bottom doesn't have a basement anymore, folks. It has a website and a yellow button and it flashes. I'm not just the announcer anymore. I'm the only voice in his life that shows up every single time he hits play, coming soon to a heartbreak near you. The clone became the headliner on my own stage. Trailer guy, everybody he waited his whole life and killed. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}