{"file": "audio/vault/89_brooklyn_professor_lecture.mp3", "duration_sec": 187.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 36.44, "text": "Red Line presents a lecture from the only academic with a switchblade in his briefcase."}, {"start": 36.44, "end": 39.04, "text": "The Brooklyn Professor, I roast me first."}, {"start": 39.04, "end": 42.44, "text": "I'm a four-colors expert who can't read a room or a receipt."}, {"start": 42.44, "end": 49.66, "text": "Professor Schoolme."}, {"start": 49.66, "end": 51.26, "text": "Class is in session."}, {"start": 51.26, "end": 55.86, "text": "Today's case study, a 50-year-old man who built an entire personality test"}, {"start": 55.86, "end": 64.38, "text": "and still failed the most basic assessment being chosen."}, {"start": 64.38, "end": 66.78, "text": "Observe the subject's formula."}, {"start": 66.78, "end": 71.18, "text": "He cracked the code on human connection and the prize statistically"}, {"start": 71.18, "end": 73.58, "text": "was three dogs and a sleep schedule."}, {"start": 73.78, "end": 75.98, "text": "We call this in the literature,"}, {"start": 75.98, "end": 77.98, "text": "winning the wrong game perfectly."}, {"start": 84.11, "end": 89.68, "text": "Professor, that's my life's work."}, {"start": 89.68, "end": 92.08, "text": "Correct, and your life's work has a peer review."}, {"start": 92.08, "end": 93.08, "text": "It's one star."}, {"start": 93.08, "end": 96.28, "text": "The reviewer is your ex, all nine of them co-signed."}, {"start": 98.98, "end": 99.98, "text": "Final thesis."}, {"start": 99.98, "end": 103.58, "text": "You didn't hit rock bottom, you sub-let it, you furnished it,"}, {"start": 103.58, "end": 106.58, "text": "and you put your name on the lease in case it appreciated."}, {"start": 106.58, "end": 109.98, "text": "That gentleman is commitment to the wrong address."}, {"start": 115.66, "end": 119.06, "text": "The professor is undefeated and the syllabus is just Jesse's mistakes"}, {"start": 119.06, "end": 120.06, "text": "in chronological order."}, {"start": 124.98, "end": 125.98, "text": "Class dismissed."}, {"start": 125.98, "end": 128.38, "text": "The Brooklyn professor, everybody tenure and roasting,"}, {"start": 128.38, "end": 129.98, "text": "doctorate in my disappointment."}, {"start": 129.98, "end": 131.58, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 131.58, "end": 140.01, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 140.01, "end": 142.41, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 142.41, "end": 148.41, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 148.41, "end": 150.61, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 150.61, "end": 153.81, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 153.81, "end": 159.81, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 159.81, "end": 161.81, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 161.81, "end": 165.21, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 165.21, "end": 167.61, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 167.61, "end": 171.21, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh"}, {"start": 171.21, "end": 172.61, "text": "before the dark winds."}, {"start": 172.61, "end": 175.21, "text": "The Red Line Comedy Club, open all night"}, {"start": 175.21, "end": 179.21, "text": "because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 179.21, "end": 181.61, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 181.61, "end": 182.61, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Red Line presents a lecture from the only academic with a switchblade in his briefcase. The Brooklyn Professor, I roast me first. I'm a four-colors expert who can't read a room or a receipt. Professor Schoolme. Class is in session. Today's case study, a 50-year-old man who built an entire personality test and still failed the most basic assessment being chosen. Observe the subject's formula. He cracked the code on human connection and the prize statistically was three dogs and a sleep schedule. We call this in the literature, winning the wrong game perfectly. Professor, that's my life's work. Correct, and your life's work has a peer review. It's one star. The reviewer is your ex, all nine of them co-signed. Final thesis. You didn't hit rock bottom, you sub-let it, you furnished it, and you put your name on the lease in case it appreciated. That gentleman is commitment to the wrong address. The professor is undefeated and the syllabus is just Jesse's mistakes in chronological order. Class dismissed. The Brooklyn professor, everybody tenure and roasting, doctorate in my disappointment. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line Comedy Club, open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}