{"file": "audio/vault/83_open_mic_night_2.mp3", "duration_sec": 205.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 28.24, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 33.64, "text": "Open Mike Knight II with the Red Line."}, {"start": 33.64, "end": 36.84, "text": "One shot each, kill and you stay, bomb and you're Owen Ice."}, {"start": 36.94, "end": 40.44, "text": "I roast me first. I'm 50. I clean toilets and my smartwatch"}, {"start": 40.44, "end": 49.12, "text": "told me to stand and I cry. Let's go."}, {"start": 49.12, "end": 52.12, "text": "Jesse, you got an Apple Watch to close your rings."}, {"start": 52.12, "end": 54.92, "text": "Buddy, you couldn't close a ring in nine engagements."}, {"start": 54.92, "end": 56.72, "text": "What's a watch gonna do?"}, {"start": 62.16, "end": 67.26, "text": "He stays next."}, {"start": 67.26, "end": 73.26, "text": "Your smart home has more devices listening to you than people who text you back."}, {"start": 73.26, "end": 75.76, "text": "Even Alexa left you on red."}, {"start": 78.46, "end": 81.74, "text": "She stays next."}, {"start": 81.74, "end": 85.73, "text": "All protein, one personality."}, {"start": 85.73, "end": 88.73, "text": "The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy. Skip."}, {"start": 88.73, "end": 94.8, "text": "Bro so like you do intermittent fasting."}, {"start": 94.8, "end": 101.16, "text": "You don't fast, bro. You're just broke with a hashtag."}, {"start": 101.16, "end": 106.81, "text": "Ice cool off, skip."}, {"start": 106.81, "end": 110.81, "text": "Hey Jesse, you bought a label maker to organize your life."}, {"start": 110.81, "end": 114.81, "text": "The only thing in your house that's labeled correctly is the dog food"}, {"start": 114.81, "end": 117.81, "text": "and even the dogs got a system."}, {"start": 117.81, "end": 125.4, "text": "Benny SDA YS diesel last shot."}, {"start": 125.4, "end": 131.57, "text": "Jesse, your therapist put you on hold."}, {"start": 131.57, "end": 137.57, "text": "That's not a session. That's a hostage situation where nobody's negotiating."}, {"start": 137.57, "end": 147.5, "text": "He stays, that's open mic two, skips on ice, the rest killed and I'm still the punchline."}, {"start": 147.5, "end": 151.5, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 151.5, "end": 160.16, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 160.16, "end": 168.16, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 168.16, "end": 174.16, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 174.16, "end": 177.16, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 177.16, "end": 179.16, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 179.16, "end": 183.16, "text": "Going through something, so is he always."}, {"start": 183.16, "end": 185.16, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 185.16, "end": 189.16, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 189.16, "end": 193.16, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 193.16, "end": 197.16, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 197.16, "end": 200.16, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Open Mike Knight II with the Red Line. One shot each, kill and you stay, bomb and you're Owen Ice. I roast me first. I'm 50. I clean toilets and my smartwatch told me to stand and I cry. Let's go. Jesse, you got an Apple Watch to close your rings. Buddy, you couldn't close a ring in nine engagements. What's a watch gonna do? He stays next. Your smart home has more devices listening to you than people who text you back. Even Alexa left you on red. She stays next. All protein, one personality. The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy. Skip. Bro so like you do intermittent fasting. You don't fast, bro. You're just broke with a hashtag. Ice cool off, skip. Hey Jesse, you bought a label maker to organize your life. The only thing in your house that's labeled correctly is the dog food and even the dogs got a system. Benny SDA YS diesel last shot. Jesse, your therapist put you on hold. That's not a session. That's a hostage situation where nobody's negotiating. He stays, that's open mic two, skips on ice, the rest killed and I'm still the punchline. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}