{"file": "audio/vault/72_trailerguy_vs_italian.mp3", "duration_sec": 281.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 11.14, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.14, "end": 21.14, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.14, "end": 28.14, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 37.5, "text": "Red Line Comedy Club presents a premiere event to legendary voices, one chair to destroy."}, {"start": 37.5, "end": 43.5, "text": "Trailer Guy vs The Italian, the judges are seated and Jesse is already sweating. Let's go."}, {"start": 49.26, "end": 55.26, "text": "I built this whole club, bombed .app and a book site, just so two AI voices could roast me in surround sound."}, {"start": 55.26, "end": 59.26, "text": "Rule of the room, I laugh at me first. Bring up the voices."}, {"start": 59.26, "end": 67.5, "text": "First to the mic, the voice of every movie you ever cried in. Trailer Guy."}, {"start": 67.5, "end": 81.79, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a website, he built bombed.app, a comedy club run by robots because the humans stopped returning his calls."}, {"start": 81.79, "end": 97.13, "text": "He wrote a book, colors of my pain. A man so sad he had to assign his feelings colors, like a fire drill for his soul, coming soon to a clearance bin near you."}, {"start": 97.13, "end": 113.96, "text": "This summer, a 50 year old man, three dogs, nine engagements, in a graphics card he calls his best friend, rated R for regret."}, {"start": 113.96, "end": 126.45, "text": "OHHHC came loaded, judges hold your scores, the Italian you are up."}, {"start": 126.45, "end": 134.45, "text": "Hey Jesse, I read your website, bombed.app. Finally a name that describes the whole career."}, {"start": 134.45, "end": 152.08, "text": "Colors of my pain. In my family, we had a two colors, red sauce and black eye. You wrote a whole book. I would have just called my mother."}, {"start": 152.08, "end": 171.06, "text": "You got robots telling jokes and a computer right in punch lines. Back in my day if you bombed your uncle drove you to the river to think about it."}, {"start": 171.06, "end": 174.06, "text": "Both voices landed, judges give me the verdict."}, {"start": 174.06, "end": 185.51, "text": "Technically, trailer guy weaponized the dramatic pause, but the Italian threatened a man with a river that is craft, edge the Italian."}, {"start": 185.51, "end": 198.49, "text": "Baby, they both roasted Jesse harder than his own mama, and that's the bar. I'm calling it a tie because the real loser is sitting in the chair."}, {"start": 198.49, "end": 202.49, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 202.49, "end": 209.49, "text": "Diagnosis Jesse paid for the supercomputer that just ended him. Cause of death self-inflicted, tie confirmed."}, {"start": 209.49, "end": 221.14, "text": "A tie, I spent a fortune on AI voices to get double roasted and you call it a tie. That's the most me thing that has ever happened."}, {"start": 221.14, "end": 228.14, "text": "I laughed at myself first and they finished the job better. This is Red Line, trailer guy the Italian killed Jesse."}, {"start": 228.14, "end": 244.83, "text": "And that is our show, but the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 244.83, "end": 253.83, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 253.83, "end": 260.83, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 260.83, "end": 272.83, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 272.83, "end": 276.83, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Red Line Comedy Club presents a premiere event to legendary voices, one chair to destroy. Trailer Guy vs The Italian, the judges are seated and Jesse is already sweating. Let's go. I built this whole club, bombed .app and a book site, just so two AI voices could roast me in surround sound. Rule of the room, I laugh at me first. Bring up the voices. First to the mic, the voice of every movie you ever cried in. Trailer Guy. In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a website, he built bombed.app, a comedy club run by robots because the humans stopped returning his calls. He wrote a book, colors of my pain. A man so sad he had to assign his feelings colors, like a fire drill for his soul, coming soon to a clearance bin near you. This summer, a 50 year old man, three dogs, nine engagements, in a graphics card he calls his best friend, rated R for regret. OHHHC came loaded, judges hold your scores, the Italian you are up. Hey Jesse, I read your website, bombed.app. Finally a name that describes the whole career. Colors of my pain. In my family, we had a two colors, red sauce and black eye. You wrote a whole book. I would have just called my mother. You got robots telling jokes and a computer right in punch lines. Back in my day if you bombed your uncle drove you to the river to think about it. Both voices landed, judges give me the verdict. Technically, trailer guy weaponized the dramatic pause, but the Italian threatened a man with a river that is craft, edge the Italian. Baby, they both roasted Jesse harder than his own mama, and that's the bar. I'm calling it a tie because the real loser is sitting in the chair. Oh! Diagnosis Jesse paid for the supercomputer that just ended him. Cause of death self-inflicted, tie confirmed. A tie, I spent a fortune on AI voices to get double roasted and you call it a tie. That's the most me thing that has ever happened. I laughed at myself first and they finished the job better. This is Red Line, trailer guy the Italian killed Jesse. And that is our show, but the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}