{"file": "audio/vault/71_ex_coworkers_roast.mp3", "duration_sec": 234.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.01, "text": "Red Line Comedy Club, we are live."}, {"start": 34.01, "end": 38.41, "text": "Tonight, the roast master torches every job he ever quit, clear your schedule."}, {"start": 38.41, "end": 39.41, "text": "This is a long one."}, {"start": 39.41, "end": 46.94, "text": "Give it up for Jesse."}, {"start": 46.94, "end": 49.14, "text": "Thank you, rule of the room, me first."}, {"start": 49.14, "end": 51.94, "text": "I've quit more jobs than most people have had."}, {"start": 51.94, "end": 59.13, "text": "My resume is just a list of crime scenes with references."}, {"start": 59.13, "end": 61.83, "text": "Every single job said, we're a family."}, {"start": 61.83, "end": 68.84, "text": "Yeah, the kind that doesn't pay you and still wants you there on the weekend."}, {"start": 68.84, "end": 70.64, "text": "Tell them about the state job."}, {"start": 71.64, "end": 73.64, "text": "I had a state job."}, {"start": 73.64, "end": 75.64, "text": "Benefits, a pension, the whole deal."}, {"start": 75.64, "end": 86.08, "text": "I quit because they wanted me five days a week and I'm barely available to myself."}, {"start": 86.08, "end": 88.08, "text": "Now I clean houses for a living."}, {"start": 88.08, "end": 92.08, "text": "I went from a cubicle to a toilet and honestly, same view, better tips."}, {"start": 92.08, "end": 99.82, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 99.82, "end": 102.82, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 102.82, "end": 103.82, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 103.82, "end": 109.92, "text": "Jesse, you quit corporate to start a cleaning empire."}, {"start": 109.92, "end": 112.92, "text": "You literally left one mess to go pro at other peoples."}, {"start": 112.92, "end": 119.18, "text": "I follow my passion and my passion is leaving."}, {"start": 119.18, "end": 121.18, "text": "Pops get in here."}, {"start": 121.18, "end": 126.33, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 126.33, "end": 128.33, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 128.33, "end": 129.33, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 129.33, "end": 138.3, "text": "Kid, in my day, you stay at a job 40 years and hated it like a man."}, {"start": 138.3, "end": 141.3, "text": "You quit in 40 minutes and called it self-care."}, {"start": 141.3, "end": 145.54, "text": "It was self-care, Pops."}, {"start": 145.54, "end": 153.54, "text": "The job was toxic and so was the break room coffee."}, {"start": 153.54, "end": 156.54, "text": "You've had more last days than a soap opera."}, {"start": 157.54, "end": 161.54, "text": "HR sees your name pop up and just sighs."}, {"start": 161.54, "end": 169.54, "text": "That's the show you beautiful unemployed animals."}, {"start": 169.54, "end": 173.54, "text": "Every boss, every fake family, every two week notice I gave in two hours."}, {"start": 173.54, "end": 176.54, "text": "I roast him by admitting I'm the common denominator."}, {"start": 176.54, "end": 178.54, "text": "Me first then everybody else."}, {"start": 178.54, "end": 180.54, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 180.54, "end": 189.23, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 189.23, "end": 195.23, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 195.23, "end": 200.23, "text": "A brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 200.23, "end": 203.23, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 203.23, "end": 206.23, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 206.23, "end": 208.23, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 208.23, "end": 212.23, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 212.23, "end": 214.23, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 214.23, "end": 218.23, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 218.23, "end": 222.23, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 222.23, "end": 226.23, "text": "Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 226.23, "end": 228.23, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 228.23, "end": 229.23, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Red Line Comedy Club, we are live. Tonight, the roast master torches every job he ever quit, clear your schedule. This is a long one. Give it up for Jesse. Thank you, rule of the room, me first. I've quit more jobs than most people have had. My resume is just a list of crime scenes with references. Every single job said, we're a family. Yeah, the kind that doesn't pay you and still wants you there on the weekend. Tell them about the state job. I had a state job. Benefits, a pension, the whole deal. I quit because they wanted me five days a week and I'm barely available to myself. Now I clean houses for a living. I went from a cubicle to a toilet and honestly, same view, better tips. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! Jesse, you quit corporate to start a cleaning empire. You literally left one mess to go pro at other peoples. I follow my passion and my passion is leaving. Pops get in here. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Kid, in my day, you stay at a job 40 years and hated it like a man. You quit in 40 minutes and called it self-care. It was self-care, Pops. The job was toxic and so was the break room coffee. You've had more last days than a soap opera. HR sees your name pop up and just sighs. That's the show you beautiful unemployed animals. Every boss, every fake family, every two week notice I gave in two hours. I roast him by admitting I'm the common denominator. Me first then everybody else. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}