{"file": "audio/vault/69_roastmaster_origin.mp3", "duration_sec": 260.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 35.21, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 35.31, "end": 36.31, "text": "I'm on the board."}, {"start": 36.31, "end": 37.31, "text": "He's on the ropes."}, {"start": 37.31, "end": 45.5, "text": "Give it up for your roast master, Jesse."}, {"start": 45.5, "end": 46.0, "text": "Thank you."}, {"start": 46.0, "end": 47.0, "text": "Thank you."}, {"start": 47.0, "end": 49.8, "text": "I'm the roast master and rule number one of this room."}, {"start": 49.8, "end": 52.5, "text": "Before I roast all of you, I roast me first."}, {"start": 52.5, "end": 54.0, "text": "Because if you can't laugh at yourself,"}, {"start": 54.0, "end": 59.89, "text": "somebody else will do it for free."}, {"start": 59.89, "end": 61.89, "text": "People ask where I learn to roast."}, {"start": 61.89, "end": 62.89, "text": "Easy."}, {"start": 62.89, "end": 63.89, "text": "My family."}, {"start": 63.89, "end": 66.99, "text": "Sunday dinner at my mom's house was an open mic with gravy."}, {"start": 66.99, "end": 71.94, "text": "They created this monster."}, {"start": 71.94, "end": 75.73, "text": "All the origin story."}, {"start": 75.73, "end": 77.63, "text": "My mom didn't say, I love you."}, {"start": 77.73, "end": 79.23, "text": "She said you're wearing that."}, {"start": 79.23, "end": 80.23, "text": "That wasn't a put down."}, {"start": 80.23, "end": 87.87, "text": "That was my first tight five."}, {"start": 87.87, "end": 89.97, "text": "They roasted me so hard at nine years old."}, {"start": 89.97, "end": 91.47, "text": "I went pro at trauma."}, {"start": 91.47, "end": 93.87, "text": "Other kids got participation trophies."}, {"start": 93.87, "end": 99.28, "text": "I got punchlines and a complex."}, {"start": 99.28, "end": 104.81, "text": "And now tell them what you got now."}, {"start": 104.81, "end": 107.51, "text": "Now I got a supercomputer and an AI sidekick"}, {"start": 107.51, "end": 109.41, "text": "writing my sharpest jokes."}, {"start": 109.41, "end": 111.61, "text": "Yeah, I roast you with a graphics card."}, {"start": 111.61, "end": 113.21, "text": "Tony's got a notebook."}, {"start": 113.21, "end": 120.42, "text": "I got a nuclear reactor."}, {"start": 120.42, "end": 123.22, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags"}, {"start": 123.22, "end": 124.22, "text": "than a parade."}, {"start": 124.22, "end": 125.72, "text": "You're every man of error?"}, {"start": 125.72, "end": 130.19, "text": "Mickey."}, {"start": 130.19, "end": 133.09, "text": "Jesse, you built an AI to roast people"}, {"start": 133.09, "end": 140.65, "text": "because your own family already roasted you out of material."}, {"start": 140.65, "end": 143.25, "text": "Correct, they used me up so I outsourced the cruelty."}, {"start": 143.25, "end": 148.28, "text": "Mickey sit down."}, {"start": 148.28, "end": 150.48, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 150.48, "end": 152.28, "text": "All hail the queen of the burn unit."}, {"start": 152.28, "end": 157.08, "text": "Queen's tank."}, {"start": 157.08, "end": 159.48, "text": "Baby, your mama made a monster."}, {"start": 159.48, "end": 160.98, "text": "She made a man who turned."}, {"start": 160.98, "end": 163.18, "text": "You're wearing that into a whole career"}, {"start": 163.18, "end": 166.18, "text": "and still dresses like a clearance rack."}, {"start": 167.18, "end": 177.15, "text": "The outfits vintage like my issues."}, {"start": 177.15, "end": 180.95, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 180.95, "end": 187.13, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 187.13, "end": 188.93, "text": "Diagnosis, you didn't get funny."}, {"start": 188.93, "end": 194.6, "text": "You got even with a server farm."}, {"start": 194.6, "end": 196.2, "text": "That's the origin folks."}, {"start": 196.2, "end": 198.6, "text": "Mom made the monster the family sharpen the knife"}, {"start": 198.6, "end": 200.5, "text": "and the supercomputer loaded it."}, {"start": 200.5, "end": 203.1, "text": "I laugh at me first then I roast all of you better."}, {"start": 203.1, "end": 204.4, "text": "This is red line."}, {"start": 204.4, "end": 205.8, "text": "I'm the roast master."}, {"start": 205.8, "end": 212.83, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 212.83, "end": 215.23, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 215.23, "end": 221.23, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 221.23, "end": 223.43, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 223.43, "end": 229.03, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 229.03, "end": 232.53, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 232.53, "end": 234.53, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 234.53, "end": 238.03, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 238.03, "end": 240.43, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 240.43, "end": 244.03, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 244.03, "end": 248.03, "text": "Before the dark wins, the red line comedy club open all night."}, {"start": 248.03, "end": 252.03, "text": "Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 252.03, "end": 253.03, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 253.03, "end": 254.53, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 254.53, "end": 255.03, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. I'm on the board. He's on the ropes. Give it up for your roast master, Jesse. Thank you. Thank you. I'm the roast master and rule number one of this room. Before I roast all of you, I roast me first. Because if you can't laugh at yourself, somebody else will do it for free. People ask where I learn to roast. Easy. My family. Sunday dinner at my mom's house was an open mic with gravy. They created this monster. All the origin story. My mom didn't say, I love you. She said you're wearing that. That wasn't a put down. That was my first tight five. They roasted me so hard at nine years old. I went pro at trauma. Other kids got participation trophies. I got punchlines and a complex. And now tell them what you got now. Now I got a supercomputer and an AI sidekick writing my sharpest jokes. Yeah, I roast you with a graphics card. Tony's got a notebook. I got a nuclear reactor. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. You're every man of error? Mickey. Jesse, you built an AI to roast people because your own family already roasted you out of material. Correct, they used me up so I outsourced the cruelty. Mickey sit down. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit. Queen's tank. Baby, your mama made a monster. She made a man who turned. You're wearing that into a whole career and still dresses like a clearance rack. The outfits vintage like my issues. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Diagnosis, you didn't get funny. You got even with a server farm. That's the origin folks. Mom made the monster the family sharpen the knife and the supercomputer loaded it. I laugh at me first then I roast all of you better. This is red line. I'm the roast master. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the red line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}