{"file": "audio/vault/66_killjesse_formula_and_bottom.mp3", "duration_sec": 238.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.16, "text": "This is Bombed.app, where comedy never sleeps."}, {"start": 4.16, "end": 8.48, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week, we build it from nothing."}, {"start": 8.48, "end": 13.2, "text": "Every setup, every tag, every punch line, every knockout punch,"}, {"start": 13.2, "end": 16.56, "text": "born in the Red Line comedy club, adults only."}, {"start": 16.56, "end": 20.0, "text": "Where every joke gets judged, every comic gets roasted,"}, {"start": 20.0, "end": 22.08, "text": "and only the funniest survive the night."}, {"start": 22.08, "end": 24.64, "text": "We didn't build this to be like anybody else."}, {"start": 24.64, "end": 28.72, "text": "We built it because the world deserves a comedy machine that never clocks out"}, {"start": 28.72, "end": 30.48, "text": "and never plays it safe."}, {"start": 30.48, "end": 34.48, "text": "Now please welcome the man who turned a wrecked life into a comedy empire."}, {"start": 34.48, "end": 36.72, "text": "You're host Jesse."}, {"start": 36.72, "end": 39.28, "text": "Welcome back to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 39.28, "end": 42.0, "text": "Tonight the comics roast my love life and folks."}, {"start": 42.0, "end": 46.32, "text": "It's less of a love life and more of a field study with a body count of feelings."}, {"start": 46.32, "end": 51.17, "text": "Bring them up."}, {"start": 51.17, "end": 53.41, "text": "My dad told me they're all the same."}, {"start": 53.41, "end": 58.61, "text": "So I spent 30 years doing research to prove him wrong and accidentally proved him expensive."}, {"start": 58.61, "end": 60.05, "text": "Trip, tech, bro, booted up."}, {"start": 64.16, "end": 66.48, "text": "So you turned heartbreak into a formula."}, {"start": 66.48, "end": 67.12, "text": "Cool."}, {"start": 67.12, "end": 70.96, "text": "You're the only guy who got a vasectomy and a personality test out of the same break up."}, {"start": 75.04, "end": 79.2, "text": "You debugged your dating life and ship nine engagements with zero deployments."}, {"start": 79.2, "end": 81.12, "text": "That's not a formula that's a memory leak."}, {"start": 84.64, "end": 85.76, "text": "Hey, the formula worked."}, {"start": 85.76, "end": 86.96, "text": "That was the problem."}, {"start": 86.96, "end": 88.4, "text": "Sugar sweet-talked the venom."}, {"start": 91.58, "end": 93.42, "text": "Well, bless your heart, sugar."}, {"start": 93.42, "end": 97.42, "text": "You cracked the code on women and the grand prize was loneliness with a logo."}, {"start": 101.44, "end": 104.88, "text": "You wrote colors of my pain so women could finally understand you."}, {"start": 105.44, "end": 107.04, "text": "Honey, they understood you."}, {"start": 107.04, "end": 108.0, "text": "That's why they left."}, {"start": 111.04, "end": 114.72, "text": "That's a five star review and a restraining order in one sentence."}, {"start": 114.72, "end": 116.24, "text": "Professor, analyze it."}, {"start": 120.34, "end": 124.18, "text": "Your entire philosophy reduces human connection to four colors."}, {"start": 124.18, "end": 129.06, "text": "By that logic, your love life is a printer out of every color and somehow still flashing error."}, {"start": 133.36, "end": 137.6, "text": "You achieve the rare feat of being both the lock and the locksmith who can't get in."}, {"start": 141.39, "end": 143.55, "text": "He could open any lock but his own."}, {"start": 143.55, "end": 145.95, "text": "That's literally my book's tagline you plagiarist."}, {"start": 149.22, "end": 152.58, "text": "Baby, you quit drinking, quit the women, quit your daddy's voice."}, {"start": 152.58, "end": 153.54, "text": "What's left?"}, {"start": 153.54, "end": 155.78, "text": "Oh, write us, roasting you for free."}, {"start": 160.03, "end": 163.95, "text": "You hit rock bottom and found a basement under it with a fervent sign."}, {"start": 163.95, "end": 165.95, "text": "And knowing you, you sign the lease."}, {"start": 169.55, "end": 172.11, "text": "12-month lease first and last month's shame."}, {"start": 172.11, "end": 173.55, "text": "Doc Byrne closed me out."}, {"start": 177.66, "end": 179.1, "text": "Here's your diagnosis."}, {"start": 179.1, "end": 180.06, "text": "You're not broken."}, {"start": 180.06, "end": 183.66, "text": "You're just the only patient who turned his own x-ray into a coloring book."}, {"start": 184.62, "end": 189.74, "text": "And the prognosis would be fine."}, {"start": 189.74, "end": 193.26, "text": "You always land on your feet, usually right after landing on your face."}, {"start": 197.09, "end": 198.77, "text": "That's the act you savages."}, {"start": 198.77, "end": 202.45, "text": "They roasted the formula the bottom, the whole damn rainbow and I'm still standing,"}, {"start": 202.45, "end": 204.93, "text": "still sober, still funnier than my pain."}, {"start": 204.93, "end": 207.41, "text": "That's the trick, laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 207.41, "end": 208.77, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 208.77, "end": 209.73, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 209.73, "end": 210.21, "text": "Good night."}, {"start": 216.42, "end": 218.26, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 218.26, "end": 220.1, "text": "But at Red Line we never stop."}, {"start": 220.1, "end": 223.62, "text": "New comedy 24-7, a two-hour kill Jesse special."}, {"start": 223.62, "end": 227.46, "text": "Four times a month and a thousand jokes built while you sleep."}, {"start": 227.46, "end": 229.86, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after."}, {"start": 229.86, "end": 232.42, "text": "Subscribe, share and tell your filthyest friend."}, {"start": 232.42, "end": 234.18, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 234.18, "end": 236.82, "text": "The comedy never stops and neither do we."}, {"start": 236.82, "end": 238.82, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nThis is Bombed.app, where comedy never sleeps. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, we build it from nothing. Every setup, every tag, every punch line, every knockout punch, born in the Red Line comedy club, adults only. Where every joke gets judged, every comic gets roasted, and only the funniest survive the night. We didn't build this to be like anybody else. We built it because the world deserves a comedy machine that never clocks out and never plays it safe. Now please welcome the man who turned a wrecked life into a comedy empire. You're host Jesse. Welcome back to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight the comics roast my love life and folks. It's less of a love life and more of a field study with a body count of feelings. Bring them up. My dad told me they're all the same. So I spent 30 years doing research to prove him wrong and accidentally proved him expensive. Trip, tech, bro, booted up. So you turned heartbreak into a formula. Cool. You're the only guy who got a vasectomy and a personality test out of the same break up. You debugged your dating life and ship nine engagements with zero deployments. That's not a formula that's a memory leak. Hey, the formula worked. That was the problem. Sugar sweet-talked the venom. Well, bless your heart, sugar. You cracked the code on women and the grand prize was loneliness with a logo. You wrote colors of my pain so women could finally understand you. Honey, they understood you. That's why they left. That's a five star review and a restraining order in one sentence. Professor, analyze it. Your entire philosophy reduces human connection to four colors. By that logic, your love life is a printer out of every color and somehow still flashing error. You achieve the rare feat of being both the lock and the locksmith who can't get in. He could open any lock but his own. That's literally my book's tagline you plagiarist. Baby, you quit drinking, quit the women, quit your daddy's voice. What's left? Oh, write us, roasting you for free. You hit rock bottom and found a basement under it with a fervent sign. And knowing you, you sign the lease. 12-month lease first and last month's shame. Doc Byrne closed me out. Here's your diagnosis. You're not broken. You're just the only patient who turned his own x-ray into a coloring book. And the prognosis would be fine. You always land on your feet, usually right after landing on your face. That's the act you savages. They roasted the formula the bottom, the whole damn rainbow and I'm still standing, still sober, still funnier than my pain. That's the trick, laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. Good night. And that is our show. But at Red Line we never stop. New comedy 24-7, a two-hour kill Jesse special. Four times a month and a thousand jokes built while you sleep. So come back tomorrow and the day after. Subscribe, share and tell your filthyest friend. This is bombed.app. The comedy never stops and neither do we. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}