{"file": "audio/vault/65_killjesse_50_broke_three_dogs.mp3", "duration_sec": 236.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.24, "text": "This is Bombed.app, where comedy never sleeps."}, {"start": 4.24, "end": 8.52, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week, we build it from nothing."}, {"start": 8.52, "end": 13.28, "text": "Every setup, every tag, every punch line, every knockout punch,"}, {"start": 13.28, "end": 16.64, "text": "born in the Red Line comedy club, adults only."}, {"start": 16.64, "end": 20.04, "text": "Where every joke gets judged, every comic gets roasted,"}, {"start": 20.04, "end": 22.16, "text": "and only the funniest survive the night."}, {"start": 22.16, "end": 24.68, "text": "We didn't build this to be like anybody else."}, {"start": 24.68, "end": 27.44, "text": "We built it because the world deserves a comedy machine"}, {"start": 27.44, "end": 30.56, "text": "that never clocks out and never plays it safe."}, {"start": 30.56, "end": 33.0, "text": "Now please welcome the man who turned a wrecked life"}, {"start": 33.0, "end": 34.52, "text": "into a comedy empire."}, {"start": 34.52, "end": 36.72, "text": "Your host, Jesse."}, {"start": 36.72, "end": 38.96, "text": "Red Line comedy club, we are live."}, {"start": 38.96, "end": 41.76, "text": "I'm the only host who pays comics to ruin him."}, {"start": 41.76, "end": 45.12, "text": "50 years old, broke, and three dogs who don't even respect me."}, {"start": 45.12, "end": 49.89, "text": "Let's go."}, {"start": 49.89, "end": 52.69, "text": "My credit score called today, it just said law."}, {"start": 52.69, "end": 54.45, "text": "So roast the rich in spirit, man."}, {"start": 54.45, "end": 60.26, "text": "Vinnie, you married Wysky Geo."}, {"start": 60.26, "end": 62.46, "text": "Three dogs, no wife, no kids."}, {"start": 62.46, "end": 64.06, "text": "Buddy, you didn't build a family."}, {"start": 64.14, "end": 70.16, "text": "You built a petting zoo with a mortgage."}, {"start": 70.16, "end": 72.32, "text": "You run a cleaning business and your own life"}, {"start": 72.32, "end": 78.7, "text": "is a biohazard, physician, mop thyself."}, {"start": 78.7, "end": 80.38, "text": "The dogs are emotionally available."}, {"start": 80.38, "end": 81.62, "text": "That's the difference."}, {"start": 81.62, "end": 86.26, "text": "Ruby, glam me to death."}, {"start": 86.26, "end": 88.62, "text": "Darling, you're 50 and pre-rich."}, {"start": 88.62, "end": 90.38, "text": "That's not a financial status."}, {"start": 90.38, "end": 96.34, "text": "That's a hostage note to yourself."}, {"start": 96.34, "end": 98.9, "text": "You make money off a personality quiz."}, {"start": 98.9, "end": 101.34, "text": "You literally monetized telling people who they are"}, {"start": 101.34, "end": 106.38, "text": "because you have no idea who you are."}, {"start": 106.38, "end": 109.22, "text": "I'm a red with a blue wound and a green wallet, OK."}, {"start": 109.22, "end": 113.73, "text": "Skip, Jim Bro, hit me."}, {"start": 113.73, "end": 115.05, "text": "Bro, 50 years old."}, {"start": 115.05, "end": 116.37, "text": "That's not a mid-life crisis."}, {"start": 116.37, "end": 117.61, "text": "That's the whole life crisis."}, {"start": 117.61, "end": 118.41, "text": "No notes."}, {"start": 118.41, "end": 123.73, "text": "Get swole, stay sad."}, {"start": 123.73, "end": 126.33, "text": "You got more engagement rings than gym memberships,"}, {"start": 126.33, "end": 130.73, "text": "and you quit both."}, {"start": 130.73, "end": 131.25, "text": "I don't quit."}, {"start": 131.25, "end": 132.85, "text": "I just start nine times."}, {"start": 132.85, "end": 134.69, "text": "Nikki, waitress, pour it out."}, {"start": 134.69, "end": 141.38, "text": "Engagements."}, {"start": 141.38, "end": 145.02, "text": "You've been left at more altars than the church janitor."}, {"start": 146.02, "end": 153.22, "text": "You proposed with ring pops because deep down you knew."}, {"start": 153.22, "end": 157.26, "text": "It was temporary and delicious."}, {"start": 157.26, "end": 163.14, "text": "Most honest you've ever been."}, {"start": 163.14, "end": 165.26, "text": "Finally, someone respects the strategy."}, {"start": 165.26, "end": 169.7, "text": "Graves bring the doom."}, {"start": 169.7, "end": 172.3, "text": "Your dad died and left you his phone number."}, {"start": 172.3, "end": 173.82, "text": "You still can't delete it."}, {"start": 173.82, "end": 176.02, "text": "That's the saddest contact in the cloud"}, {"start": 176.02, "end": 181.52, "text": "and the cloud has my search history."}, {"start": 181.52, "end": 184.76, "text": "You text a dead man, I miss you, and it goes green."}, {"start": 184.76, "end": 189.66, "text": "Even the carrier blocked your closure."}, {"start": 189.66, "end": 191.38, "text": "OK, that one actually hurt."}, {"start": 191.38, "end": 192.14, "text": "Write that down."}, {"start": 192.14, "end": 197.42, "text": "That's the good kind."}, {"start": 197.42, "end": 199.02, "text": "That's the show degenerates."}, {"start": 199.02, "end": 201.18, "text": "50 broke three dogs and somehow still"}, {"start": 201.18, "end": 204.18, "text": "the funniest guy in the room, mostly because I own the room."}, {"start": 204.18, "end": 205.62, "text": "Paying in pay check out."}, {"start": 205.62, "end": 213.7, "text": "This is Red Line, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 213.7, "end": 215.62, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 215.62, "end": 217.46, "text": "But at Red Line, we never stop."}, {"start": 217.46, "end": 220.94, "text": "New comedy 24-7, a two-hour Kill Jesse special,"}, {"start": 220.94, "end": 224.74, "text": "four times a month, and 1,000 jokes built while you sleep."}, {"start": 224.74, "end": 227.18, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after."}, {"start": 227.18, "end": 229.66, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthy as friend."}, {"start": 229.66, "end": 231.46, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 231.46, "end": 232.94, "text": "The comedy never stops."}, {"start": 232.94, "end": 234.14, "text": "And neither do we."}, {"start": 234.14, "end": 236.26, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nThis is Bombed.app, where comedy never sleeps. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, we build it from nothing. Every setup, every tag, every punch line, every knockout punch, born in the Red Line comedy club, adults only. Where every joke gets judged, every comic gets roasted, and only the funniest survive the night. We didn't build this to be like anybody else. We built it because the world deserves a comedy machine that never clocks out and never plays it safe. Now please welcome the man who turned a wrecked life into a comedy empire. Your host, Jesse. Red Line comedy club, we are live. I'm the only host who pays comics to ruin him. 50 years old, broke, and three dogs who don't even respect me. Let's go. My credit score called today, it just said law. So roast the rich in spirit, man. Vinnie, you married Wysky Geo. Three dogs, no wife, no kids. Buddy, you didn't build a family. You built a petting zoo with a mortgage. You run a cleaning business and your own life is a biohazard, physician, mop thyself. The dogs are emotionally available. That's the difference. Ruby, glam me to death. Darling, you're 50 and pre-rich. That's not a financial status. That's a hostage note to yourself. You make money off a personality quiz. You literally monetized telling people who they are because you have no idea who you are. I'm a red with a blue wound and a green wallet, OK. Skip, Jim Bro, hit me. Bro, 50 years old. That's not a mid-life crisis. That's the whole life crisis. No notes. Get swole, stay sad. You got more engagement rings than gym memberships, and you quit both. I don't quit. I just start nine times. Nikki, waitress, pour it out. Engagements. You've been left at more altars than the church janitor. You proposed with ring pops because deep down you knew. It was temporary and delicious. Most honest you've ever been. Finally, someone respects the strategy. Graves bring the doom. Your dad died and left you his phone number. You still can't delete it. That's the saddest contact in the cloud and the cloud has my search history. You text a dead man, I miss you, and it goes green. Even the carrier blocked your closure. OK, that one actually hurt. Write that down. That's the good kind. That's the show degenerates. 50 broke three dogs and somehow still the funniest guy in the room, mostly because I own the room. Paying in pay check out. This is Red Line, Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But at Red Line, we never stop. New comedy 24-7, a two-hour Kill Jesse special, four times a month, and 1,000 jokes built while you sleep. So come back tomorrow and the day after. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthy as friend. This is bombed.app. The comedy never stops. And neither do we. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}