{"file": "audio/vault/52_hh_old_man.mp3", "duration_sec": 161.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.44, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.44, "end": 8.14, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.14, "end": 10.08, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.08, "end": 13.78, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.78, "end": 16.48, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.48, "end": 20.28, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.28, "end": 23.92, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 23.92, "end": 25.16, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.16, "end": 28.76, "text": "Haunted House series episode two, The Old Man."}, {"start": 28.76, "end": 31.6, "text": "I cleaned a house today and almost got into a fist fight"}, {"start": 31.6, "end": 34.26, "text": "with an old man who could have been my own dad."}, {"start": 34.26, "end": 36.64, "text": "This man pointed at a broken spot on the floor"}, {"start": 36.64, "end": 40.04, "text": "like I walked in there with a mop and a demolition license."}, {"start": 40.04, "end": 52.66, "text": "I'm a house cleaner, not a flooring assassin."}, {"start": 52.66, "end": 55.46, "text": "He looked at me like my swiffer had a criminal record."}, {"start": 55.46, "end": 57.86, "text": "I said, sir, that was broken when I got here."}, {"start": 57.86, "end": 59.36, "text": "He said I was joking."}, {"start": 59.36, "end": 77.11, "text": "No, you were accusing me with seasoning."}, {"start": 77.11, "end": 78.57, "text": "Jesse, that's not a joke."}, {"start": 78.57, "end": 87.05, "text": "That's a lawsuit wearing slippers."}, {"start": 87.05, "end": 89.25, "text": "Old men do this thing where they start a fight,"}, {"start": 89.25, "end": 92.21, "text": "lose the fight emotionally, then call it comedy."}, {"start": 92.21, "end": 94.41, "text": "At the end he goes, I was just joking."}, {"start": 94.41, "end": 96.57, "text": "I said, a joke has a punchline."}, {"start": 96.57, "end": 108.1, "text": "You just held me hostage in a haunted home depot."}, {"start": 108.1, "end": 110.06, "text": "And here's the lesson, kid."}, {"start": 110.06, "end": 115.0, "text": "A joke's over when everybody knows it's a joke."}, {"start": 115.0, "end": 117.08, "text": "That's right, if only one person's laughing,"}, {"start": 117.08, "end": 118.32, "text": "that's not comedy."}, {"start": 118.32, "end": 120.28, "text": "That's unpaid damage control."}, {"start": 120.28, "end": 122.12, "text": "That's the haunted house series, folks."}, {"start": 122.12, "end": 125.48, "text": "My real life won clean joke and one hard lesson at a time."}, {"start": 125.48, "end": 126.88, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 126.88, "end": 139.85, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 139.85, "end": 141.17, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 141.17, "end": 142.41, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 142.41, "end": 146.37, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two hour kill Jesse special four times"}, {"start": 146.37, "end": 146.97, "text": "a month."}, {"start": 146.97, "end": 150.17, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 150.17, "end": 153.37, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line,"}, {"start": 153.37, "end": 155.01, "text": "the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 155.01, "end": 157.85, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 157.85, "end": 159.57, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 159.57, "end": 161.49, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Haunted House series episode two, The Old Man. I cleaned a house today and almost got into a fist fight with an old man who could have been my own dad. This man pointed at a broken spot on the floor like I walked in there with a mop and a demolition license. I'm a house cleaner, not a flooring assassin. He looked at me like my swiffer had a criminal record. I said, sir, that was broken when I got here. He said I was joking. No, you were accusing me with seasoning. Jesse, that's not a joke. That's a lawsuit wearing slippers. Old men do this thing where they start a fight, lose the fight emotionally, then call it comedy. At the end he goes, I was just joking. I said, a joke has a punchline. You just held me hostage in a haunted home depot. And here's the lesson, kid. A joke's over when everybody knows it's a joke. That's right, if only one person's laughing, that's not comedy. That's unpaid damage control. That's the haunted house series, folks. My real life won clean joke and one hard lesson at a time. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}