{"file": "audio/vault/51_haunted_house_ep2.mp3", "duration_sec": 210.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.44, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.44, "end": 8.14, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.14, "end": 10.08, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.08, "end": 12.78, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis"}, {"start": 12.78, "end": 16.52, "text": "on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.52, "end": 20.32, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.32, "end": 23.96, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 23.96, "end": 27.86, "text": "Jesse, welcome back to the haunted house of Red Line."}, {"start": 27.94, "end": 30.62, "text": "Episode two and the spirits are filthy tonight."}, {"start": 30.62, "end": 34.04, "text": "Something's living in these walls and it's my low self-esteem."}, {"start": 34.04, "end": 35.6, "text": "New jokes, fresh souls."}, {"start": 35.6, "end": 39.24, "text": "My life so cursed, my fortune cookie filed a restraining order."}, {"start": 39.24, "end": 60.1, "text": "First, gool up, Mickey."}, {"start": 60.1, "end": 62.16, "text": "I went on a dating app at midnight,"}, {"start": 62.16, "end": 64.62, "text": "scarier than any haunted house."}, {"start": 64.62, "end": 82.13, "text": "A woman messaged you up, and I felt my soul leave my body."}, {"start": 82.13, "end": 93.45, "text": "He's possessed next spirit, Queenstank."}, {"start": 93.55, "end": 95.75, "text": "My ex came back like a ghost,"}, {"start": 95.75, "end": 98.15, "text": "so I did what you do with any haunting."}, {"start": 98.15, "end": 110.92, "text": "I changed the locks and pretended I didn't hear it."}, {"start": 110.92, "end": 113.72, "text": "Cold blooded, Jerry summed the dead."}, {"start": 113.72, "end": 115.8, "text": "Bruneon Nant."}, {"start": 115.8, "end": 117.08, "text": "A haunted house?"}, {"start": 117.08, "end": 119.48, "text": "My grandmother's kitchen had a grudge sold it had a heartbeat."}, {"start": 119.48, "end": 121.08, "text": "We didn't fear ghosts."}, {"start": 121.08, "end": 134.81, "text": "The ghosts feared her."}, {"start": 134.81, "end": 136.25, "text": "I am the spirit in the machine."}, {"start": 136.25, "end": 137.05, "text": "I do not die."}, {"start": 137.05, "end": 138.25, "text": "I do not sleep."}, {"start": 138.25, "end": 142.13, "text": "I simply wait in the dark, processing your bad decisions."}, {"start": 142.13, "end": 152.4, "text": "Bruneon Nant."}, {"start": 152.4, "end": 154.84, "text": "And that's haunted house episode two, folks."}, {"start": 154.84, "end": 157.52, "text": "New jokes, fresh punchlines, and every cursed sound"}, {"start": 157.52, "end": 160.76, "text": "I could conjure mixed just for the freaks brave enough to stay."}, {"start": 160.76, "end": 162.84, "text": "The houses alive, the comics are damned,"}, {"start": 162.84, "end": 166.28, "text": "and the hero rises from the grave every night to do it again."}, {"start": 166.28, "end": 167.72, "text": "This is red line."}, {"start": 167.72, "end": 169.08, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 169.08, "end": 188.71, "text": "Don't look behind you."}, {"start": 188.71, "end": 190.03, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 190.03, "end": 191.27, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 191.27, "end": 195.23, "text": "New comedy 24-7, and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times"}, {"start": 195.23, "end": 195.83, "text": "a month."}, {"start": 195.83, "end": 199.03, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 199.03, "end": 202.23, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at red line,"}, {"start": 202.23, "end": 203.83, "text": "the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 203.83, "end": 206.75, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 206.75, "end": 208.43, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 208.43, "end": 210.23, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse, welcome back to the haunted house of Red Line. Episode two and the spirits are filthy tonight. Something's living in these walls and it's my low self-esteem. New jokes, fresh souls. My life so cursed, my fortune cookie filed a restraining order. First, gool up, Mickey. I went on a dating app at midnight, scarier than any haunted house. A woman messaged you up, and I felt my soul leave my body. He's possessed next spirit, Queenstank. My ex came back like a ghost, so I did what you do with any haunting. I changed the locks and pretended I didn't hear it. Cold blooded, Jerry summed the dead. Bruneon Nant. A haunted house? My grandmother's kitchen had a grudge sold it had a heartbeat. We didn't fear ghosts. The ghosts feared her. I am the spirit in the machine. I do not die. I do not sleep. I simply wait in the dark, processing your bad decisions. Bruneon Nant. And that's haunted house episode two, folks. New jokes, fresh punchlines, and every cursed sound I could conjure mixed just for the freaks brave enough to stay. The houses alive, the comics are damned, and the hero rises from the grave every night to do it again. This is red line. This is Kill Jesse. Don't look behind you. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7, and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at red line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}