{"file": "audio/vault/50_the_50th_roast_special.mp3", "duration_sec": 219.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.5, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.5, "end": 8.18, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.18, "end": 10.18, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.18, "end": 12.78, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis"}, {"start": 12.78, "end": 16.62, "text": "on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.62, "end": 20.36, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.36, "end": 24.02, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.02, "end": 25.32, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.32, "end": 28.26, "text": "Welcome to the 50th show, You Beautiful DeGenerates."}, {"start": 28.26, "end": 32.0, "text": "50 shows and tonight the whole bench unloads their best on me."}, {"start": 32.0, "end": 34.22, "text": "No mercy, all jokes, all tags."}, {"start": 34.22, "end": 47.0, "text": "Roast the king of his own dumpster, fire, Mickey."}, {"start": 47.0, "end": 51.34, "text": "Jesse, 50 shows and you've been roasted in every single one."}, {"start": 51.34, "end": 52.74, "text": "You're not a comedian."}, {"start": 52.74, "end": 55.14, "text": "You're a piñata with a microphone."}, {"start": 55.14, "end": 58.18, "text": "You took self-deprecating humor and made it a career"}, {"start": 58.18, "end": 69.52, "text": "and a cry for help."}, {"start": 69.52, "end": 74.32, "text": "Jesse, you got a felony, three X's, no family and three dogs."}, {"start": 74.32, "end": 77.36, "text": "Your life isn't a comedy special, it's evidence."}, {"start": 77.36, "end": 79.66, "text": "You didn't write 50 shows, baby."}, {"start": 79.66, "end": 82.86, "text": "You filed 50 police reports with jokes."}, {"start": 82.86, "end": 90.55, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 90.55, "end": 92.59, "text": "Jesse, you're 50 broke in sober."}, {"start": 92.59, "end": 94.09, "text": "That's not a comeback story."}, {"start": 94.09, "end": 96.29, "text": "That's a hostage video with good lighting."}, {"start": 96.29, "end": 99.09, "text": "You clean toilets all day and roast yourself all night."}, {"start": 99.09, "end": 109.67, "text": "The hardest working sad man in America."}, {"start": 109.67, "end": 112.67, "text": "Jesse, you built an empire on pain."}, {"start": 112.67, "end": 114.91, "text": "In my family, we just call that dinner."}, {"start": 114.91, "end": 116.91, "text": "You turned a dead dad, a gone mom,"}, {"start": 116.91, "end": 119.25, "text": "and a hung jury into content."}, {"start": 119.25, "end": 120.85, "text": "That's not therapy."}, {"start": 120.85, "end": 133.49, "text": "That's a war crime with a punchline."}, {"start": 133.49, "end": 136.63, "text": "I have analyzed 50 episodes, conclusion."}, {"start": 136.63, "end": 139.77, "text": "Jesse Salas is the only man who built an army of robots"}, {"start": 139.77, "end": 150.02, "text": "just so something in the building would finally listen to him."}, {"start": 150.02, "end": 154.2, "text": "Jesse, I'm 81, and even I think your life is a lot."}, {"start": 154.2, "end": 162.59, "text": "You got more colors of pain than a fresh bruise."}, {"start": 162.59, "end": 164.23, "text": "And that's 50 shows, folks."}, {"start": 164.23, "end": 166.73, "text": "50 nights of the whole world taking a swing at me."}, {"start": 166.73, "end": 167.57, "text": "And you know what?"}, {"start": 167.57, "end": 169.17, "text": "I'm still standing, still laughing,"}, {"start": 169.17, "end": 171.43, "text": "and still the only one who gets the last word."}, {"start": 171.43, "end": 172.67, "text": "Roast me all you want."}, {"start": 172.67, "end": 175.73, "text": "Every joke at my expense is a paycheck and a victory lap."}, {"start": 175.73, "end": 177.87, "text": "I turned a whole sad life into the funniest thing"}, {"start": 177.87, "end": 179.27, "text": "in the building, and that my friends"}, {"start": 179.27, "end": 181.65, "text": "is why the hero always gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 181.65, "end": 182.85, "text": "Here's to 50 more."}, {"start": 182.85, "end": 184.21, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 184.21, "end": 197.48, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 197.48, "end": 198.76, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 198.76, "end": 200.02, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 200.02, "end": 203.96, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times"}, {"start": 203.96, "end": 204.6, "text": "a month."}, {"start": 204.6, "end": 207.76, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 207.76, "end": 209.8, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after,"}, {"start": 209.8, "end": 212.6, "text": "because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 212.6, "end": 215.48, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 215.48, "end": 217.2, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 217.2, "end": 219.2, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Welcome to the 50th show, You Beautiful DeGenerates. 50 shows and tonight the whole bench unloads their best on me. No mercy, all jokes, all tags. Roast the king of his own dumpster, fire, Mickey. Jesse, 50 shows and you've been roasted in every single one. You're not a comedian. You're a piñata with a microphone. You took self-deprecating humor and made it a career and a cry for help. Jesse, you got a felony, three X's, no family and three dogs. Your life isn't a comedy special, it's evidence. You didn't write 50 shows, baby. You filed 50 police reports with jokes. Oh! Jesse, you're 50 broke in sober. That's not a comeback story. That's a hostage video with good lighting. You clean toilets all day and roast yourself all night. The hardest working sad man in America. Jesse, you built an empire on pain. In my family, we just call that dinner. You turned a dead dad, a gone mom, and a hung jury into content. That's not therapy. That's a war crime with a punchline. I have analyzed 50 episodes, conclusion. Jesse Salas is the only man who built an army of robots just so something in the building would finally listen to him. Jesse, I'm 81, and even I think your life is a lot. You got more colors of pain than a fresh bruise. And that's 50 shows, folks. 50 nights of the whole world taking a swing at me. And you know what? I'm still standing, still laughing, and still the only one who gets the last word. Roast me all you want. Every joke at my expense is a paycheck and a victory lap. I turned a whole sad life into the funniest thing in the building, and that my friends is why the hero always gets the last laugh. Here's to 50 more. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after, because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}