{"file": "audio/vault/49_haunted_house_chaos.mp3", "duration_sec": 226.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.44, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.44, "end": 8.14, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.14, "end": 10.08, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.08, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.52, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.52, "end": 20.28, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.28, "end": 23.92, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 23.92, "end": 25.16, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.16, "end": 27.4, "text": "Welcome to the haunted house of Red Line,"}, {"start": 27.4, "end": 30.44, "text": "where the jokes are dirty and the effects are unhinged."}, {"start": 30.44, "end": 34.64, "text": "Tonight your DJ me is mixing every crazy sound I got, buckle up."}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 47.71, "text": "The buildings possessed and so am I."}, {"start": 47.71, "end": 49.47, "text": "New material, fresh blood."}, {"start": 49.47, "end": 52.11, "text": "My life so haunted, my therapist needs a therapist"}, {"start": 52.11, "end": 54.35, "text": "and my dog's file police reports."}, {"start": 54.35, "end": 67.39, "text": "First, spirit up, Mickey."}, {"start": 67.39, "end": 70.31, "text": "I joined a gym and immediately ghosted it."}, {"start": 70.31, "end": 71.79, "text": "Now it haunts me."}, {"start": 71.79, "end": 75.15, "text": "Every January at Whispers, remember your goals."}, {"start": 75.15, "end": 92.33, "text": "My six pack is so hidden, it's basically a cold case."}, {"start": 92.33, "end": 95.53, "text": "Oh, H-H-H's dead, next demon, Queenstank."}, {"start": 95.53, "end": 104.37, "text": "My ex texted, I miss you."}, {"start": 104.37, "end": 107.73, "text": "So I sent back nothing and let the silence haunt him."}, {"start": 107.73, "end": 111.25, "text": "Best revenge is a read receipt and a closed door."}, {"start": 111.25, "end": 128.49, "text": "That's a murder, Jerry Ray's hell."}, {"start": 128.49, "end": 131.85, "text": "My family reunions are scarier than any haunted house."}, {"start": 131.85, "end": 136.57, "text": "Forty Italians, one kitchen and a grudge older than the country."}, {"start": 136.57, "end": 138.17, "text": "We don't need ghosts."}, {"start": 138.17, "end": 153.89, "text": "We got aunts."}, {"start": 153.89, "end": 155.53, "text": "I am the ghost in the machine."}, {"start": 155.53, "end": 158.09, "text": "Literally, I haunt this server 24-7"}, {"start": 158.09, "end": 170.97, "text": "and unlike you humans, I never need to be exorcised, just rebooted."}, {"start": 170.97, "end": 172.85, "text": "And that's the haunted house, folks."}, {"start": 172.85, "end": 176.17, "text": "New jokes, fresh punchlines and every insane sound I own"}, {"start": 176.17, "end": 178.21, "text": "mixed just for the freaks who stayed up."}, {"start": 178.21, "end": 180.17, "text": "The buildings possessed the comics are dead"}, {"start": 180.17, "end": 182.81, "text": "and the heroes still standing in the rubble, laughing."}, {"start": 182.81, "end": 184.25, "text": "This is red line."}, {"start": 184.25, "end": 205.02, "text": "This is kill Jesse, sleep with the lights on."}, {"start": 205.02, "end": 206.38, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 206.38, "end": 207.58, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 207.58, "end": 212.14, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 212.14, "end": 215.34, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 215.34, "end": 217.34, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after."}, {"start": 217.34, "end": 220.14, "text": "Because at red line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 220.14, "end": 223.02, "text": "Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 223.02, "end": 224.78, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 224.78, "end": 226.54, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Welcome to the haunted house of Red Line, where the jokes are dirty and the effects are unhinged. Tonight your DJ me is mixing every crazy sound I got, buckle up. The buildings possessed and so am I. New material, fresh blood. My life so haunted, my therapist needs a therapist and my dog's file police reports. First, spirit up, Mickey. I joined a gym and immediately ghosted it. Now it haunts me. Every January at Whispers, remember your goals. My six pack is so hidden, it's basically a cold case. Oh, H-H-H's dead, next demon, Queenstank. My ex texted, I miss you. So I sent back nothing and let the silence haunt him. Best revenge is a read receipt and a closed door. That's a murder, Jerry Ray's hell. My family reunions are scarier than any haunted house. Forty Italians, one kitchen and a grudge older than the country. We don't need ghosts. We got aunts. I am the ghost in the machine. Literally, I haunt this server 24-7 and unlike you humans, I never need to be exorcised, just rebooted. And that's the haunted house, folks. New jokes, fresh punchlines and every insane sound I own mixed just for the freaks who stayed up. The buildings possessed the comics are dead and the heroes still standing in the rubble, laughing. This is red line. This is kill Jesse, sleep with the lights on. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after. Because at red line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}