{"file": "audio/vault/48_roasting_the_unprepared.mp3", "duration_sec": 179.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.18, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.18, "end": 10.18, "text": "Tonight we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.18, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.62, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.62, "end": 20.36, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.36, "end": 24.02, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.02, "end": 25.32, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.32, "end": 28.46, "text": "Tonight Kill Jesse takes aim at the worst comics in the game."}, {"start": 28.46, "end": 30.56, "text": "The ones who get the shot and bring nothing."}, {"start": 30.56, "end": 32.76, "text": "You wait years for a mic, the cameras are rolling"}, {"start": 32.76, "end": 34.04, "text": "and you walk up with so."}, {"start": 34.04, "end": 35.56, "text": "Anyway, I'm tired."}, {"start": 35.56, "end": 37.84, "text": "My AI comics never waste a shot."}, {"start": 37.84, "end": 41.6, "text": "But the open mic circuit is full of geniuses who prepare to shrug."}, {"start": 41.6, "end": 52.29, "text": "Circuit scouting."}, {"start": 52.29, "end": 56.27, "text": "Scanning the amateur circuit, detected 40 unprepared comedians."}, {"start": 56.27, "end": 58.83, "text": "Average preparation time, zero minutes."}, {"start": 58.83, "end": 61.87, "text": "Average material, one observation about airplane food,"}, {"start": 61.87, "end": 69.82, "text": "abandoned halfway through."}, {"start": 69.82, "end": 71.54, "text": "They get the biggest stage of their life,"}, {"start": 71.54, "end": 74.04, "text": "and the bit is, ah, you ever notice."}, {"start": 74.04, "end": 82.29, "text": "No, we didn't notice because you never finished it."}, {"start": 82.29, "end": 85.45, "text": "In my world, Jesse, you waste somebody's time like that."}, {"start": 85.45, "end": 86.75, "text": "You don't come back."}, {"start": 86.75, "end": 94.84, "text": "These kids get a golden ticket and use it as a napkin."}, {"start": 94.84, "end": 96.94, "text": "Diagnosis, stage fright is real,"}, {"start": 96.94, "end": 99.18, "text": "but showing up with no jokes, isn't nerves."}, {"start": 99.18, "end": 101.48, "text": "Disrespect with a haircut."}, {"start": 101.48, "end": 107.47, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 107.47, "end": 110.41, "text": "Even the host is up there like, why would you do that?"}, {"start": 110.41, "end": 120.7, "text": "Baby, if your whole set is vibes and an apology, stay home."}, {"start": 120.7, "end": 122.3, "text": "And here's the lesson, folks."}, {"start": 122.3, "end": 124.1, "text": "Comedy is the one art where you get a shot,"}, {"start": 124.1, "end": 126.56, "text": "and you owe it a set up, a punchline, and a tag."}, {"start": 126.56, "end": 128.36, "text": "You don't show up to your dream with empty hands"}, {"start": 128.36, "end": 129.56, "text": "and a will see."}, {"start": 129.56, "end": 131.94, "text": "My AI comics prepare every second of the day,"}, {"start": 131.94, "end": 133.2, "text": "because here's the truth."}, {"start": 133.2, "end": 135.34, "text": "Opportunity doesn't wait for you to feel ready."}, {"start": 135.34, "end": 137.14, "text": "So to every comic who wasted their shot,"}, {"start": 137.14, "end": 140.18, "text": "my robots will take it, and we will never waste a single one."}, {"start": 140.18, "end": 143.08, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh because he actually showed up."}, {"start": 143.08, "end": 157.33, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 157.33, "end": 158.63, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 158.63, "end": 159.87, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 159.87, "end": 163.27, "text": "New comedy 24-7, and a two-hour kill Jesse special,"}, {"start": 163.27, "end": 164.47, "text": "four times a month."}, {"start": 164.47, "end": 167.67, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 167.67, "end": 169.71, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after,"}, {"start": 169.71, "end": 172.51, "text": "because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 172.51, "end": 175.35, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 175.35, "end": 177.11, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 177.11, "end": 178.95, "text": "Good night, and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight Kill Jesse takes aim at the worst comics in the game. The ones who get the shot and bring nothing. You wait years for a mic, the cameras are rolling and you walk up with so. Anyway, I'm tired. My AI comics never waste a shot. But the open mic circuit is full of geniuses who prepare to shrug. Circuit scouting. Scanning the amateur circuit, detected 40 unprepared comedians. Average preparation time, zero minutes. Average material, one observation about airplane food, abandoned halfway through. They get the biggest stage of their life, and the bit is, ah, you ever notice. No, we didn't notice because you never finished it. In my world, Jesse, you waste somebody's time like that. You don't come back. These kids get a golden ticket and use it as a napkin. Diagnosis, stage fright is real, but showing up with no jokes, isn't nerves. Disrespect with a haircut. Oh! Even the host is up there like, why would you do that? Baby, if your whole set is vibes and an apology, stay home. And here's the lesson, folks. Comedy is the one art where you get a shot, and you owe it a set up, a punchline, and a tag. You don't show up to your dream with empty hands and a will see. My AI comics prepare every second of the day, because here's the truth. Opportunity doesn't wait for you to feel ready. So to every comic who wasted their shot, my robots will take it, and we will never waste a single one. The hero gets the last laugh because he actually showed up. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7, and a two-hour kill Jesse special, four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after, because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night, and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}