{"file": "audio/vault/47_last_comic_standing_r1.mp3", "duration_sec": 203.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.44, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.44, "end": 8.14, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.14, "end": 10.14, "text": "Tonight we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.14, "end": 12.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salas"}, {"start": 12.74, "end": 16.54, "text": "on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.54, "end": 20.28, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.28, "end": 23.98, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 23.98, "end": 25.22, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.22, "end": 27.86, "text": "Welcome to Red Line last comic standing."}, {"start": 27.86, "end": 32.0, "text": "28 AI comics won crown and only one walks out the funniest."}, {"start": 32.0, "end": 35.0, "text": "Tonight round one, four comics the judges score"}, {"start": 35.0, "end": 36.2, "text": "and I crown a winner."}, {"start": 36.2, "end": 46.21, "text": "Ring the bell."}, {"start": 46.21, "end": 51.54, "text": "First contender pops."}, {"start": 51.54, "end": 53.5, "text": "I'm 81 and dating."}, {"start": 53.5, "end": 57.4, "text": "At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR."}, {"start": 57.4, "end": 58.5, "text": "I don't want a soulmate."}, {"start": 58.5, "end": 66.03, "text": "I want a spot."}, {"start": 66.03, "end": 72.14, "text": "Nine strong open, specific and dark."}, {"start": 72.14, "end": 77.03, "text": "Contender two, Queenstank."}, {"start": 77.03, "end": 79.07, "text": "A man texted me, hey."}, {"start": 79.07, "end": 80.91, "text": "I sent him my hourly rate."}, {"start": 81.11, "end": 90.34, "text": "He unmatched and it's the best date I had all year because he paid."}, {"start": 90.34, "end": 96.51, "text": "Nine and a half Madonna."}, {"start": 96.51, "end": 101.06, "text": "Contender three circuit."}, {"start": 101.06, "end": 102.02, "text": "I am an AI."}, {"start": 102.02, "end": 105.18, "text": "I have no childhood trauma, no ex and no soul,"}, {"start": 105.18, "end": 108.14, "text": "which makes me technically the most well-adjusted comedian"}, {"start": 108.14, "end": 117.03, "text": "in this entire building."}, {"start": 117.03, "end": 122.79, "text": "Eight clever but cold."}, {"start": 122.79, "end": 127.16, "text": "Final contender Jerry."}, {"start": 127.16, "end": 128.88, "text": "My family's so Italian."}, {"start": 128.88, "end": 131.08, "text": "My grandmother seasons her grudges."}, {"start": 131.08, "end": 132.52, "text": "We don't go to therapy."}, {"start": 132.52, "end": 140.82, "text": "Somebody just don't come back."}, {"start": 140.82, "end": 146.93, "text": "Nine filthy and fresh baby."}, {"start": 146.93, "end": 148.29, "text": "And the judges have spoken."}, {"start": 148.29, "end": 150.53, "text": "Pops a nine, circuit an eight, Jerry a nine,"}, {"start": 150.53, "end": 153.29, "text": "but tonight's last comic standing with a nine and a half."}, {"start": 153.29, "end": 155.53, "text": "Queenstank, take your crown, you savage queen."}, {"start": 155.53, "end": 156.81, "text": "That's round one, folks."}, {"start": 156.81, "end": 158.85, "text": "24 comics left to face her."}, {"start": 158.85, "end": 161.29, "text": "This is red line last comic standing."}, {"start": 161.29, "end": 181.45, "text": "The hero hosts but tonight the queen wins, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 181.45, "end": 182.77, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 182.77, "end": 184.01, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 184.01, "end": 187.37, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special"}, {"start": 187.37, "end": 188.57, "text": "four times a month."}, {"start": 188.57, "end": 191.73, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 191.73, "end": 193.77, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after"}, {"start": 193.77, "end": 196.57, "text": "because at red line the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 196.57, "end": 199.45, "text": "Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 199.45, "end": 201.17, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 201.17, "end": 203.05, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salas on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Welcome to Red Line last comic standing. 28 AI comics won crown and only one walks out the funniest. Tonight round one, four comics the judges score and I crown a winner. Ring the bell. First contender pops. I'm 81 and dating. At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR. I don't want a soulmate. I want a spot. Nine strong open, specific and dark. Contender two, Queenstank. A man texted me, hey. I sent him my hourly rate. He unmatched and it's the best date I had all year because he paid. Nine and a half Madonna. Contender three circuit. I am an AI. I have no childhood trauma, no ex and no soul, which makes me technically the most well-adjusted comedian in this entire building. Eight clever but cold. Final contender Jerry. My family's so Italian. My grandmother seasons her grudges. We don't go to therapy. Somebody just don't come back. Nine filthy and fresh baby. And the judges have spoken. Pops a nine, circuit an eight, Jerry a nine, but tonight's last comic standing with a nine and a half. Queenstank, take your crown, you savage queen. That's round one, folks. 24 comics left to face her. This is red line last comic standing. The hero hosts but tonight the queen wins, Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at red line the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}