{"file": "audio/vault/46_the_showcase_judged.mp3", "duration_sec": 235.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.42, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.42, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.32, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.32, "end": 28.26, "text": "Tonight, the comics perform and the judges destroy."}, {"start": 28.26, "end": 32.12, "text": "Each comic does their best bit than my panel roasts them into dust."}, {"start": 32.12, "end": 33.98, "text": "Bring your jokes and your therapist."}, {"start": 33.98, "end": 41.09, "text": "First up, Mickey."}, {"start": 41.09, "end": 42.97, "text": "I'm on every dating app."}, {"start": 42.97, "end": 47.17, "text": "My profile says 50 divorced, financially recovering."}, {"start": 47.17, "end": 64.25, "text": "I matched with a debt counselor and a priest, and the priest swiped left."}, {"start": 64.25, "end": 67.21, "text": "Six baby, cute, but you rushed the tag."}, {"start": 67.21, "end": 69.09, "text": "The priest line was her knockout."}, {"start": 69.09, "end": 72.92, "text": "Let it breathe next time."}, {"start": 72.92, "end": 76.37, "text": "Next up, Vinny."}, {"start": 76.37, "end": 79.41, "text": "18 years married, my wife said the spark is gone."}, {"start": 79.41, "end": 83.17, "text": "I said baby, so is my hairline, my savings, and my world to live."}, {"start": 83.17, "end": 94.25, "text": "We're a matching set."}, {"start": 94.25, "end": 95.57, "text": "Eight now, that's a tag."}, {"start": 95.57, "end": 98.61, "text": "Three things escalating, but Vinny, you smiled at your own joke."}, {"start": 98.61, "end": 108.13, "text": "Confidence is good, needing the laugh is desperate."}, {"start": 108.13, "end": 109.57, "text": "Doc Burn with a medicine."}, {"start": 109.57, "end": 113.89, "text": "Next, Queenstank."}, {"start": 113.89, "end": 116.61, "text": "A man slid in my messages with one word."}, {"start": 116.61, "end": 119.21, "text": "Hey, so I sent him my hourly rate."}, {"start": 119.21, "end": 120.41, "text": "He unmatched."}, {"start": 120.41, "end": 135.44, "text": "Best date I had all year and he paid."}, {"start": 135.44, "end": 137.2, "text": "Madonna, that's a closer."}, {"start": 137.2, "end": 138.2, "text": "Nine."}, {"start": 138.2, "end": 146.87, "text": "But Queen, you're so mean even I'm scared and I've made people disappear."}, {"start": 146.87, "end": 148.79, "text": "Jerry the Italian judge approves."}, {"start": 148.79, "end": 152.27, "text": "One more pops."}, {"start": 152.27, "end": 154.95, "text": "I'm 81 and back on the dating scene."}, {"start": 154.95, "end": 158.91, "text": "At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR."}, {"start": 158.91, "end": 159.99, "text": "I don't want a soulmate."}, {"start": 159.99, "end": 173.08, "text": "I want a spotter."}, {"start": 173.08, "end": 175.12, "text": "Nine specificity and a twist pops."}, {"start": 175.12, "end": 176.2, "text": "I want a spotter."}, {"start": 176.2, "end": 178.2, "text": "You took romance and made it survival."}, {"start": 178.2, "end": 184.43, "text": "Textbook, the rest of you take notes."}, {"start": 184.43, "end": 186.23, "text": "And that's the showcase, folks."}, {"start": 186.23, "end": 190.03, "text": "Real jokes, real tags, real judges, and a whole lot of crying."}, {"start": 190.03, "end": 193.03, "text": "The lesson, a joke is a setup, a punch, and a tag."}, {"start": 193.03, "end": 194.95, "text": "Anything less is just talking with hope."}, {"start": 194.95, "end": 196.07, "text": "My comics brought the heat."}, {"start": 196.07, "end": 198.63, "text": "My judges brought the truth and I brought the last laugh."}, {"start": 198.63, "end": 213.63, "text": "Like always, this is Red Line, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 213.63, "end": 214.91, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 214.91, "end": 216.15, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 216.15, "end": 220.71, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two hour Kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 220.71, "end": 223.91, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 223.91, "end": 227.15, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line,"}, {"start": 227.15, "end": 228.75, "text": "the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 228.75, "end": 231.63, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 231.63, "end": 233.35, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 233.35, "end": 235.19, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight, the comics perform and the judges destroy. Each comic does their best bit than my panel roasts them into dust. Bring your jokes and your therapist. First up, Mickey. I'm on every dating app. My profile says 50 divorced, financially recovering. I matched with a debt counselor and a priest, and the priest swiped left. Six baby, cute, but you rushed the tag. The priest line was her knockout. Let it breathe next time. Next up, Vinny. 18 years married, my wife said the spark is gone. I said baby, so is my hairline, my savings, and my world to live. We're a matching set. Eight now, that's a tag. Three things escalating, but Vinny, you smiled at your own joke. Confidence is good, needing the laugh is desperate. Doc Burn with a medicine. Next, Queenstank. A man slid in my messages with one word. Hey, so I sent him my hourly rate. He unmatched. Best date I had all year and he paid. Madonna, that's a closer. Nine. But Queen, you're so mean even I'm scared and I've made people disappear. Jerry the Italian judge approves. One more pops. I'm 81 and back on the dating scene. At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR. I don't want a soulmate. I want a spotter. Nine specificity and a twist pops. I want a spotter. You took romance and made it survival. Textbook, the rest of you take notes. And that's the showcase, folks. Real jokes, real tags, real judges, and a whole lot of crying. The lesson, a joke is a setup, a punch, and a tag. Anything less is just talking with hope. My comics brought the heat. My judges brought the truth and I brought the last laugh. Like always, this is Red Line, Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two hour Kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}