{"file": "audio/vault/45_everyone_else_but_me.mp3", "duration_sec": 169.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 3.8, "text": "Adults only."}, {"start": 3.8, "end": 5.54, "text": "No kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now, give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.46, "text": "Here's the part that'll mess you up, folks."}, {"start": 27.46, "end": 29.36, "text": "My parents could have prevented all of it."}, {"start": 29.36, "end": 32.36, "text": "The felony, the mess, the kid who went off the rails at 19,"}, {"start": 32.36, "end": 33.44, "text": "they could have stopped it."}, {"start": 33.44, "end": 36.08, "text": "But they were too busy and not too busy with nothing,"}, {"start": 36.08, "end": 38.08, "text": "too busy helping everyone else."}, {"start": 38.08, "end": 40.56, "text": "My whole life, my parents were the most generous people"}, {"start": 40.56, "end": 42.12, "text": "in the world to strangers."}, {"start": 42.12, "end": 45.24, "text": "Everybody else got their time, their money, their attention."}, {"start": 45.24, "end": 53.98, "text": "I got the leftovers and a ride to court."}, {"start": 53.98, "end": 56.34, "text": "Jesse, your parents adopted the whole neighborhood"}, {"start": 56.34, "end": 64.6, "text": "and forgot the kid in the house."}, {"start": 64.6, "end": 66.84, "text": "They'd give the shirt off their back to a stranger"}, {"start": 66.84, "end": 69.96, "text": "while I stood there cold, asking for a jacket."}, {"start": 69.96, "end": 71.56, "text": "I wasn't unloved, folks."}, {"start": 71.56, "end": 73.12, "text": "I was just never first."}, {"start": 73.12, "end": 75.0, "text": "I'm the one kid who had to make an appointment"}, {"start": 75.0, "end": 81.8, "text": "to be in his own family."}, {"start": 81.8, "end": 83.6, "text": "That's the cruelest one, Jesse."}, {"start": 83.6, "end": 85.36, "text": "The good guy, parents."}, {"start": 85.36, "end": 91.04, "text": "Everybody loves him, except the kid who actually needed him."}, {"start": 91.04, "end": 93.72, "text": "Jesse, your parents were saints to the whole world"}, {"start": 93.72, "end": 95.28, "text": "and ghosts to you."}, {"start": 95.28, "end": 104.39, "text": "That's a haunting with a casserole."}, {"start": 104.39, "end": 106.67, "text": "And here's the truth, you beautiful Rex."}, {"start": 106.67, "end": 109.07, "text": "The hardest pain isn't the parents who were cruel."}, {"start": 109.07, "end": 111.11, "text": "It's the parents who were kind, just never to you."}, {"start": 111.11, "end": 112.11, "text": "They had endless love."}, {"start": 112.11, "end": 113.55, "text": "I just wasn't on the list."}, {"start": 113.55, "end": 115.11, "text": "So I grew up learning that to be loved,"}, {"start": 115.11, "end": 116.87, "text": "you got to earn your way to the front of a line"}, {"start": 116.87, "end": 118.59, "text": "that is always full."}, {"start": 118.59, "end": 120.39, "text": "And maybe that's why I built a whole empire"}, {"start": 120.39, "end": 121.99, "text": "screaming into a microphone."}, {"start": 121.99, "end": 123.95, "text": "Because somewhere in me, there's still a kid going,"}, {"start": 123.95, "end": 125.51, "text": "hey, I'm here, too."}, {"start": 125.51, "end": 127.43, "text": "Well, I'm here now."}, {"start": 127.43, "end": 130.99, "text": "And tonight, for once, I'm first, the hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 130.99, "end": 132.79, "text": "And he finally got the front of the line."}, {"start": 132.79, "end": 134.75, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 134.75, "end": 147.45, "text": "Good night."}, {"start": 147.45, "end": 148.69, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 148.69, "end": 149.93, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 149.93, "end": 153.41, "text": "New comedy 24.7 and a two-hour kill, Jesse special,"}, {"start": 153.41, "end": 154.57, "text": "four times a month."}, {"start": 154.57, "end": 157.77, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 157.77, "end": 159.81, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after."}, {"start": 159.81, "end": 162.57, "text": "Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 162.57, "end": 165.45, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 165.45, "end": 167.17, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 167.17, "end": 169.09, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only. No kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now, give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Here's the part that'll mess you up, folks. My parents could have prevented all of it. The felony, the mess, the kid who went off the rails at 19, they could have stopped it. But they were too busy and not too busy with nothing, too busy helping everyone else. My whole life, my parents were the most generous people in the world to strangers. Everybody else got their time, their money, their attention. I got the leftovers and a ride to court. Jesse, your parents adopted the whole neighborhood and forgot the kid in the house. They'd give the shirt off their back to a stranger while I stood there cold, asking for a jacket. I wasn't unloved, folks. I was just never first. I'm the one kid who had to make an appointment to be in his own family. That's the cruelest one, Jesse. The good guy, parents. Everybody loves him, except the kid who actually needed him. Jesse, your parents were saints to the whole world and ghosts to you. That's a haunting with a casserole. And here's the truth, you beautiful Rex. The hardest pain isn't the parents who were cruel. It's the parents who were kind, just never to you. They had endless love. I just wasn't on the list. So I grew up learning that to be loved, you got to earn your way to the front of a line that is always full. And maybe that's why I built a whole empire screaming into a microphone. Because somewhere in me, there's still a kid going, hey, I'm here, too. Well, I'm here now. And tonight, for once, I'm first, the hero gets the last laugh. And he finally got the front of the line. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. Good night. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24.7 and a two-hour kill, Jesse special, four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after. Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}