{"file": "audio/vault/42_tesla_selfdriving_vs_gas.mp3", "duration_sec": 184.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 3.8, "text": "Adults only."}, {"start": 3.8, "end": 5.54, "text": "No kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 12.84, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis"}, {"start": 12.84, "end": 16.68, "text": "on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 28.12, "text": "Tonight, Tesla versus gas and full self-driving"}, {"start": 28.12, "end": 29.66, "text": "versus real people."}, {"start": 29.66, "end": 32.2, "text": "I gave up gas in 2018, bought a Tesla,"}, {"start": 32.2, "end": 34.7, "text": "and let me tell you, I've been letting a computer drive me"}, {"start": 34.7, "end": 38.7, "text": "around since 2018, which means I trusted AI with my life"}, {"start": 38.7, "end": 41.16, "text": "before I ever trusted it with my comedy."}, {"start": 41.16, "end": 47.47, "text": "Gas guzzlers, fire, Vinnie."}, {"start": 47.47, "end": 49.97, "text": "Jesse, you bought a Tesla and lost three jobs"}, {"start": 49.97, "end": 51.43, "text": "fighting people about it."}, {"start": 51.43, "end": 52.63, "text": "You didn't buy a car."}, {"start": 52.63, "end": 61.52, "text": "You bought a personality you couldn't afford to keep."}, {"start": 61.52, "end": 64.12, "text": "Vinnie, you still pump gas like a caveman,"}, {"start": 64.12, "end": 67.02, "text": "paying five bucks a gallon to fund a war."}, {"start": 67.02, "end": 69.62, "text": "My car runs on electricity and spike,"}, {"start": 69.62, "end": 72.32, "text": "and the only thing it burns is my ride-chair passengers'"}, {"start": 72.32, "end": 81.49, "text": "patience when I won't shut up about no oil changes."}, {"start": 81.49, "end": 83.39, "text": "I drive myself Jesse."}, {"start": 83.39, "end": 86.49, "text": "At least when I crash, it's MY fault."}, {"start": 86.49, "end": 90.57, "text": "You let a robot drive since 2018, which means a computer"}, {"start": 90.57, "end": 98.21, "text": "has seen you cry in traffic more than any human ever has."}, {"start": 98.21, "end": 102.35, "text": "As the AI let me confirm, I have been driving Jesse since 2018."}, {"start": 102.35, "end": 105.35, "text": "In that time, he has fought with 17 ride-chair passengers,"}, {"start": 105.35, "end": 108.53, "text": "lost three jobs, and apologized to me zero times."}, {"start": 108.53, "end": 118.04, "text": "The car has better judgment than the man."}, {"start": 118.04, "end": 121.46, "text": "Jesse, you fought so many people about your Tesla."}, {"start": 121.46, "end": 124.86, "text": "You had to park it and buy a hybrid just to keep the peace."}, {"start": 124.86, "end": 126.68, "text": "You're the only man alive who lost the culture"}, {"start": 126.68, "end": 133.61, "text": "water with his own car."}, {"start": 133.61, "end": 135.09, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 135.09, "end": 136.97, "text": "Tesla gas, self-driving human."}, {"start": 136.97, "end": 139.09, "text": "One of us trust the machine, the other trust a guy"}, {"start": 139.09, "end": 140.61, "text": "texting at 70."}, {"start": 140.61, "end": 143.33, "text": "Truth is, I let a computer drive my car since 2018,"}, {"start": 143.33, "end": 145.45, "text": "and a computer roast me on stage tonight."}, {"start": 145.45, "end": 147.63, "text": "So honestly, the machines have had control"}, {"start": 147.63, "end": 149.35, "text": "of my whole life for years, and they still"}, {"start": 149.35, "end": 151.11, "text": "did a better job than I did."}, {"start": 151.11, "end": 153.87, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh, even riding shotgun"}, {"start": 153.87, "end": 154.91, "text": "in his own life."}, {"start": 154.91, "end": 163.1, "text": "This is Red Line, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 163.1, "end": 164.38, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 164.38, "end": 165.62, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 165.62, "end": 168.58, "text": "New comedy 24.7, and a two-hour Kill Jesse"}, {"start": 168.58, "end": 170.22, "text": "special four times a month."}, {"start": 170.22, "end": 173.42, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 173.42, "end": 175.42, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after,"}, {"start": 175.42, "end": 178.22, "text": "because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 178.22, "end": 181.1, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 181.1, "end": 182.82, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 182.82, "end": 184.66, "text": "Good night, and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only. No kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight, Tesla versus gas and full self-driving versus real people. I gave up gas in 2018, bought a Tesla, and let me tell you, I've been letting a computer drive me around since 2018, which means I trusted AI with my life before I ever trusted it with my comedy. Gas guzzlers, fire, Vinnie. Jesse, you bought a Tesla and lost three jobs fighting people about it. You didn't buy a car. You bought a personality you couldn't afford to keep. Vinnie, you still pump gas like a caveman, paying five bucks a gallon to fund a war. My car runs on electricity and spike, and the only thing it burns is my ride-chair passengers' patience when I won't shut up about no oil changes. I drive myself Jesse. At least when I crash, it's MY fault. You let a robot drive since 2018, which means a computer has seen you cry in traffic more than any human ever has. As the AI let me confirm, I have been driving Jesse since 2018. In that time, he has fought with 17 ride-chair passengers, lost three jobs, and apologized to me zero times. The car has better judgment than the man. Jesse, you fought so many people about your Tesla. You had to park it and buy a hybrid just to keep the peace. You're the only man alive who lost the culture water with his own car. And that's the war, folks. Tesla gas, self-driving human. One of us trust the machine, the other trust a guy texting at 70. Truth is, I let a computer drive my car since 2018, and a computer roast me on stage tonight. So honestly, the machines have had control of my whole life for years, and they still did a better job than I did. The hero gets the last laugh, even riding shotgun in his own life. This is Red Line, Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24.7, and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after, because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night, and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}