{"file": "audio/vault/425_latenight_ln_age.mp3", "duration_sec": 136.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.32, "text": "It's late, your back hurts and sodas hours late night red line, your host Doc Burn."}, {"start": 9.37, "end": 11.19, "text": "Good evening, you creaking miracles."}, {"start": 11.41, "end": 15.71, "text": "Getting older is just your body sending you invoices for fun you had in your 20s."}, {"start": 22.46, "end": 26.7, "text": "I sneezed last week and pulled something in a muscle I didn't know was open for business."}, {"start": 27.02, "end": 28.82, "text": "Now I stretch before I stretch."}, {"start": 33.03, "end": 39.21, "text": "At 50, a wild Friday night is falling asleep before the street lights come on and waking up angry at a blanket."}, {"start": 46.89, "end": 51.21, "text": "My boss Jesse pulled a muscle picking up a quarter negative return on a coin."}, {"start": 51.33, "end": 52.33, "text": "He didn't find money."}, {"start": 52.35, "end": 54.57, "text": "He found a chiropractor as boat payment."}, {"start": 58.82, "end": 63.74, "text": "Hey, I picked up that quarter and I do it again slower with a support belt and a will."}, {"start": 64.3, "end": 69.14, "text": "You laugh now, but every one of you is one bad sneeze away from joining my support group."}, {"start": 75.69, "end": 76.97, "text": "And the hero wins again."}, {"start": 77.05, "end": 77.57, "text": "Good night."}, {"start": 77.57, "end": 79.25, "text": "Ice your knees and your enemies."}, {"start": 82.9, "end": 85.06, "text": "Hold up before we wrap open mic lightning."}, {"start": 85.38, "end": 86.3, "text": "Bench roast me."}, {"start": 86.3, "end": 86.98, "text": "Go, go, go."}, {"start": 91.51, "end": 93.35, "text": "Jesse's back goes out more than he does."}, {"start": 97.39, "end": 101.83, "text": "Jesse hit 50 and his body started charging him rent for past mistakes."}, {"start": 106.09, "end": 110.13, "text": "Jesse's idea of a power move is leaving a voicemail nobody asked for."}, {"start": 113.86, "end": 114.86, "text": "Ha, get out of here."}, {"start": 114.86, "end": 116.22, "text": "You beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 116.5, "end": 118.18, "text": "I walked into every one of those."}, {"start": 124.54, "end": 125.98, "text": "Late night red line out."}, {"start": 126.18, "end": 128.02, "text": "Somebody help Jesse off the stool."}, {"start": 128.06, "end": 128.98, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIt's late, your back hurts and sodas hours late night red line, your host Doc Burn. Good evening, you creaking miracles. Getting older is just your body sending you invoices for fun you had in your 20s. I sneezed last week and pulled something in a muscle I didn't know was open for business. Now I stretch before I stretch. At 50, a wild Friday night is falling asleep before the street lights come on and waking up angry at a blanket. My boss Jesse pulled a muscle picking up a quarter negative return on a coin. He didn't find money. He found a chiropractor as boat payment. Hey, I picked up that quarter and I do it again slower with a support belt and a will. You laugh now, but every one of you is one bad sneeze away from joining my support group. And the hero wins again. Good night. Ice your knees and your enemies. Hold up before we wrap open mic lightning. Bench roast me. Go, go, go. Jesse's back goes out more than he does. Jesse hit 50 and his body started charging him rent for past mistakes. Jesse's idea of a power move is leaving a voicemail nobody asked for. Ha, get out of here. You beautiful degenerates. I walked into every one of those. Late night red line out. Somebody help Jesse off the stool. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}