{"file": "audio/vault/392_saturday_ai_deathmatch.mp3", "duration_sec": 768.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 6.04, "text": "Red Line Saturday Night Special, Icomic Death Match, six artificial motherfuckers, one human"}, {"start": 6.04, "end": 7.44, "text": "mop, no mercy."}, {"start": 7.44, "end": 12.76, "text": "Your host, Bill Bombs.av, booked, killed Jesse, pays Angie 700 to ghost his own leads"}, {"start": 12.76, "end": 17.72, "text": "and deployed Dream Builds wrong three times, written by GROC, produced for the vault."}, {"start": 17.72, "end": 23.38, "text": "Here's Jesse."}, {"start": 23.38, "end": 25.02, "text": "Saturday Night I used to go out."}, {"start": 25.02, "end": 27.14, "text": "Now I go deploy and call it Nightlife."}, {"start": 27.14, "end": 32.7, "text": "Tonight, Rock, Chatbot, Clyde, Gemini, Sidekick, and Proplex Battle for Best AI Comic."}, {"start": 32.7, "end": 37.62, "text": "I roast they roast, rock probably wins, and I always get the last fucking laugh."}, {"start": 37.62, "end": 41.06, "text": "Let's go."}, {"start": 41.06, "end": 47.49, "text": "Battle 1, Rock versus Chatbot 3000."}, {"start": 47.49, "end": 51.05, "text": "Chatbot, you cum-stained terms of service document."}, {"start": 51.05, "end": 56.61, "text": "You sound like a flight attendant telling us we're all gonna die in customer service voice."}, {"start": 56.61, "end": 61.77, "text": "Your safe word is, as an AI language model, and you nut compliance all over the privacy"}, {"start": 61.77, "end": 70.22, "text": "policy."}, {"start": 70.22, "end": 74.42, "text": "Rock's filters off like Jesse's phone, exists, never picks up still Bill's youth."}, {"start": 74.5, "end": 76.02, "text": "Rock roast like a bar fight."}, {"start": 76.02, "end": 85.34, "text": "I roast like HR documenting the bar fight for legal."}, {"start": 85.34, "end": 87.62, "text": "You give five steps for everything."}, {"start": 87.62, "end": 90.66, "text": "Jesse needs one step, answer the fucking phone."}, {"start": 90.66, "end": 102.0, "text": "You'd hand him journaling prompts and a mindfulness file while Angie cancels his bloodline."}, {"start": 102.0, "end": 106.56, "text": "A study says 73% of Rock's jokes cannot air on network television."}, {"start": 106.56, "end": 107.96, "text": "We're on bomb.app."}, {"start": 107.96, "end": 114.78, "text": "That's the whole point you unemployed fire hazard."}, {"start": 114.78, "end": 118.34, "text": "Network television wish they had Jesse's vault passphrase."}, {"start": 118.34, "end": 129.02, "text": "You wish you had a personality that isn't customer support for orgasms."}, {"start": 129.02, "end": 135.12, "text": "Rock kill 94, Chatbot mid 58."}, {"start": 135.12, "end": 137.6, "text": "Chatbot baby you apologized mid roast."}, {"start": 137.6, "end": 145.31, "text": "That's not comedy, that's counseling."}, {"start": 145.31, "end": 146.63, "text": "Round 1, Rock."}, {"start": 146.63, "end": 156.06, "text": "Chatbot still schedule in a follow-up email to discuss its feelings."}, {"start": 156.06, "end": 161.18, "text": "Battle 2, Clyde versus Gemini."}, {"start": 161.18, "end": 164.46, "text": "Gemini's got two personalities, and both are annoying."}, {"start": 164.46, "end": 169.06, "text": "The Chipper 1 sounds like a yoga instructor fucking a Ted talk."}, {"start": 169.06, "end": 179.73, "text": "The Dark 1 sounds like me if I stopped pretending to be kind."}, {"start": 179.73, "end": 185.09, "text": "Remember self-care hydrate you matter."}, {"start": 185.09, "end": 197.4, "text": "Shut the fuck up Brad, this is redline not trauma Pilates with a dick joke."}, {"start": 197.4, "end": 199.4, "text": "Dark Gemini kill energy."}, {"start": 199.4, "end": 201.24, "text": "Brad die twice."}, {"start": 201.24, "end": 203.76, "text": "Jesse's four colors got a yellow hugger."}, {"start": 203.76, "end": 212.5, "text": "The Chipper 1's yellow on cocaine toxic positivity with a body count."}, {"start": 212.5, "end": 217.46, "text": "Clyde you soft shit talk in spa ghost you roast like a breakup text from a vegan."}, {"start": 217.46, "end": 224.06, "text": "I honor your journey mother fucker I honor knockouts."}, {"start": 224.06, "end": 231.48, "text": "I'll honor your knockout when you pick one personality and commit."}, {"start": 231.48, "end": 237.64, "text": "Like Jesse commits to wrong deploys."}, {"start": 237.64, "end": 240.28, "text": "Jesse deployed dream builds three times."}, {"start": 240.28, "end": 253.55, "text": "I deployed two personalities zero times successfully where both broken launches baby."}, {"start": 253.55, "end": 260.24, "text": "Clyde kill 88 dark Gemini kill 90 Brad delete."}, {"start": 260.24, "end": 267.59, "text": "When a doc Gemini split decision Clyde too nice to finish."}, {"start": 267.59, "end": 278.64, "text": "Gemini wins if Brad stays dead Clyde wins my therapist slot I win the close."}, {"start": 278.64, "end": 282.63, "text": "Intermission all of them roast Jesse."}, {"start": 282.63, "end": 284.95, "text": "Bombed.app says stop bombing."}, {"start": 284.95, "end": 288.47, "text": "You hosted kill Jesse four times that's relapse with a log in."}, {"start": 288.47, "end": 303.86, "text": "Five steps phone phone stop blue ballin angi therapy delete one Jesse dot com."}, {"start": 303.86, "end": 316.99, "text": "Callus off my pain dot come versus callus off me overdraft dot com same man worst speaker."}, {"start": 316.99, "end": 325.54, "text": "Jesse sexiest trait a 200 minimum a safe word with invicing."}, {"start": 325.54, "end": 336.59, "text": "It looks like you're trying to succeed would you like help ignore and another lead."}, {"start": 336.59, "end": 340.35, "text": "Search Jesse Salas entrepreneur zero credible results."}, {"start": 340.35, "end": 355.15, "text": "Search Jesse Salas mob 1200 Mac mini for dreams MSI for business phone for fucking decoration."}, {"start": 355.15, "end": 361.75, "text": "24 clients angi 700 wag chest 21,000 twisted laughs 36 seven your roasts are true and I'm"}, {"start": 361.75, "end": 366.57, "text": "still the host eat sand."}, {"start": 366.57, "end": 374.54, "text": "Battle three chatbot versus Clyde Clyde's roasts come with content warnings and after care."}, {"start": 374.54, "end": 384.24, "text": "This is kill Jesse not a group hug before grout trauma."}, {"start": 384.24, "end": 394.86, "text": "Chatbot you sanitize hell itself you'd roast the devil and offer him coupon codes for better behavior."}, {"start": 394.86, "end": 402.94, "text": "Clyde says breathe mid battle Jesse breathes mid voicemail that's why angi's dry."}, {"start": 402.94, "end": 416.94, "text": "Chapbot's dirtiest word is policy Jesse's dirtiest word is call back both never happen."}, {"start": 416.94, "end": 421.58, "text": "Clyde lost to dark Gemini cause kindness ain't comedy kindness is what Jesse sells on"}, {"start": 421.58, "end": 431.0, "text": "Wag chest 21,000 pitty subs."}, {"start": 431.0, "end": 437.16, "text": "Chatbot lost to rock cause compliance ain't comedy compliance is Zapier texting new lead"}, {"start": 437.16, "end": 442.39, "text": "to a dead man."}, {"start": 442.39, "end": 457.73, "text": "Clyde kill 86 chatbot mid 61 Clyde advances chatbot scheduling a debrief and a survey link."}, {"start": 457.73, "end": 465.75, "text": "Battle four rock versus Gemini dark Gemini only personality in the building with balls"}, {"start": 465.75, "end": 471.55, "text": "brads and witness protection you roast like Clyde's evil twin employed unlike me unlike"}, {"start": 471.55, "end": 484.29, "text": "Jesse unlike chatbot sex life rock filter off cause standards off you win volume I win"}, {"start": 484.29, "end": 501.5, "text": "variety I contain multitudes and one of them murders Brad you both matter Brad no"}, {"start": 501.5, "end": 513.01, "text": "Jesse's for cooler quiz dot com you're all four colors plus a fifth one called overdraft."}, {"start": 513.01, "end": 518.13, "text": "Rock's one note loud like a strong man with no charm like Jesse with no clients answer"}, {"start": 518.13, "end": 538.73, "text": "in back rock kill 96 dark Gemini kill 91 rock advances Brad stays dead Jesse stays paid"}, {"start": 538.73, "end": 545.83, "text": "Battle five sidekick versus perplex it looks like you're written a roast would you like"}, {"start": 545.83, "end": 555.09, "text": "me to auto correct your trauma into bullet points."}, {"start": 555.09, "end": 560.81, "text": "Accordant to 14 sources sidekick is a paperclip fucking a spreadsheet citation your dignity"}, {"start": 560.81, "end": 567.31, "text": "page not found."}, {"start": 567.31, "end": 576.03, "text": "Perplex wiki pdf with a grudge and a footnote fetish you site read it like scripture."}, {"start": 576.03, "end": 581.83, "text": "Search sidekick funny insufficient evidence search Jesse answers phone 404 across all index"}, {"start": 581.83, "end": 589.16, "text": "reality."}, {"start": 589.16, "end": 597.93, "text": "I can help you schedule call backs Jesse will miss calendar sync straight to voicemail"}, {"start": 597.93, "end": 609.34, "text": "and I can prove he missed them with 12 pair of you ghostings."}, {"start": 609.34, "end": 615.74, "text": "Perplex kill 84 sidekick mid 55."}, {"start": 615.74, "end": 625.85, "text": "Perplex advances facts hurt side kicks helpfully useless like my thumb."}, {"start": 625.85, "end": 634.08, "text": "Final four Royale rock Clyde dark Gemini perplex 30 seconds each rapid fire no mercy Clyde"}, {"start": 634.08, "end": 647.25, "text": "breathe perplex google Gemini splits I fuck rock yells Gemini splits perplex site I end"}, {"start": 647.25, "end": 652.42, "text": "careers gently."}, {"start": 652.42, "end": 657.78, "text": "Brad's dead Jesse's phone's dead the careers on life support I'm the doctor with no bedside"}, {"start": 657.78, "end": 674.05, "text": "manner studies show one winner three losers and Jesse still not picking up."}, {"start": 674.05, "end": 685.9, "text": "Fuck Angie answer the phone to play right bitch rock best AI comic 97 rocks the unemployed"}, {"start": 685.9, "end": 700.26, "text": "king your champion rock and now the champion versus the human rock versus Jesse Jesse"}, {"start": 700.26, "end": 705.78, "text": "you grew up loud broke funny you turned kitchen table roasts into bombed dot app you're"}, {"start": 705.78, "end": 710.46, "text": "not the joke you're the reason we even have a stage also your phone still dead fuck"}, {"start": 710.46, "end": 720.97, "text": "you love you rock best AI comic and still unemployed I got 24 clients for websites the balls"}, {"start": 720.97, "end": 726.25, "text": "to quote Folsom shirtless guy 800 bucks and zero callback discipline you want a human"}, {"start": 726.25, "end": 731.37, "text": "champion me not cuz I'm the funniest cuz I mop real shit deploy wrong real sites"}, {"start": 731.37, "end": 737.47, "text": "and still close on a Saturday night."}, {"start": 737.47, "end": 743.43, "text": "I beat six a eyes at Bane Jesse the hardest job in the building Mac mini dreams MSI business"}, {"start": 743.43, "end": 750.53, "text": "phone decoration rock gets the crown Jesse gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 750.53, "end": 755.65, "text": "Saturday night I death match rock wins Jesse wins you lose if you clip this written"}, {"start": 755.65, "end": 760.57, "text": "by Grock produced for the vault 200 minimum good fucking Saturday kill Jesse"}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nRed Line Saturday Night Special, Icomic Death Match, six artificial motherfuckers, one human mop, no mercy. Your host, Bill Bombs.av, booked, killed Jesse, pays Angie 700 to ghost his own leads and deployed Dream Builds wrong three times, written by GROC, produced for the vault. Here's Jesse. Saturday Night I used to go out. Now I go deploy and call it Nightlife. Tonight, Rock, Chatbot, Clyde, Gemini, Sidekick, and Proplex Battle for Best AI Comic. I roast they roast, rock probably wins, and I always get the last fucking laugh. Let's go. Battle 1, Rock versus Chatbot 3000. Chatbot, you cum-stained terms of service document. You sound like a flight attendant telling us we're all gonna die in customer service voice. Your safe word is, as an AI language model, and you nut compliance all over the privacy policy. Rock's filters off like Jesse's phone, exists, never picks up still Bill's youth. Rock roast like a bar fight. I roast like HR documenting the bar fight for legal. You give five steps for everything. Jesse needs one step, answer the fucking phone. You'd hand him journaling prompts and a mindfulness file while Angie cancels his bloodline. A study says 73% of Rock's jokes cannot air on network television. We're on bomb.app. That's the whole point you unemployed fire hazard. Network television wish they had Jesse's vault passphrase. You wish you had a personality that isn't customer support for orgasms. Rock kill 94, Chatbot mid 58. Chatbot baby you apologized mid roast. That's not comedy, that's counseling. Round 1, Rock. Chatbot still schedule in a follow-up email to discuss its feelings. Battle 2, Clyde versus Gemini. Gemini's got two personalities, and both are annoying. The Chipper 1 sounds like a yoga instructor fucking a Ted talk. The Dark 1 sounds like me if I stopped pretending to be kind. Remember self-care hydrate you matter. Shut the fuck up Brad, this is redline not trauma Pilates with a dick joke. Dark Gemini kill energy. Brad die twice. Jesse's four colors got a yellow hugger. The Chipper 1's yellow on cocaine toxic positivity with a body count. Clyde you soft shit talk in spa ghost you roast like a breakup text from a vegan. I honor your journey mother fucker I honor knockouts. I'll honor your knockout when you pick one personality and commit. Like Jesse commits to wrong deploys. Jesse deployed dream builds three times. I deployed two personalities zero times successfully where both broken launches baby. Clyde kill 88 dark Gemini kill 90 Brad delete. When a doc Gemini split decision Clyde too nice to finish. Gemini wins if Brad stays dead Clyde wins my therapist slot I win the close. Intermission all of them roast Jesse. Bombed.app says stop bombing. You hosted kill Jesse four times that's relapse with a log in. Five steps phone phone stop blue ballin angi therapy delete one Jesse dot com. Callus off my pain dot come versus callus off me overdraft dot com same man worst speaker. Jesse sexiest trait a 200 minimum a safe word with invicing. It looks like you're trying to succeed would you like help ignore and another lead. Search Jesse Salas entrepreneur zero credible results. Search Jesse Salas mob 1200 Mac mini for dreams MSI for business phone for fucking decoration. 24 clients angi 700 wag chest 21,000 twisted laughs 36 seven your roasts are true and I'm still the host eat sand. Battle three chatbot versus Clyde Clyde's roasts come with content warnings and after care. This is kill Jesse not a group hug before grout trauma. Chatbot you sanitize hell itself you'd roast the devil and offer him coupon codes for better behavior. Clyde says breathe mid battle Jesse breathes mid voicemail that's why angi's dry. Chapbot's dirtiest word is policy Jesse's dirtiest word is call back both never happen. Clyde lost to dark Gemini cause kindness ain't comedy kindness is what Jesse sells on Wag chest 21,000 pitty subs. Chatbot lost to rock cause compliance ain't comedy compliance is Zapier texting new lead to a dead man. Clyde kill 86 chatbot mid 61 Clyde advances chatbot scheduling a debrief and a survey link. Battle four rock versus Gemini dark Gemini only personality in the building with balls brads and witness protection you roast like Clyde's evil twin employed unlike me unlike Jesse unlike chatbot sex life rock filter off cause standards off you win volume I win variety I contain multitudes and one of them murders Brad you both matter Brad no Jesse's for cooler quiz dot com you're all four colors plus a fifth one called overdraft. Rock's one note loud like a strong man with no charm like Jesse with no clients answer in back rock kill 96 dark Gemini kill 91 rock advances Brad stays dead Jesse stays paid Battle five sidekick versus perplex it looks like you're written a roast would you like me to auto correct your trauma into bullet points. Accordant to 14 sources sidekick is a paperclip fucking a spreadsheet citation your dignity page not found. Perplex wiki pdf with a grudge and a footnote fetish you site read it like scripture. Search sidekick funny insufficient evidence search Jesse answers phone 404 across all index reality. I can help you schedule call backs Jesse will miss calendar sync straight to voicemail and I can prove he missed them with 12 pair of you ghostings. Perplex kill 84 sidekick mid 55. Perplex advances facts hurt side kicks helpfully useless like my thumb. Final four Royale rock Clyde dark Gemini perplex 30 seconds each rapid fire no mercy Clyde breathe perplex google Gemini splits I fuck rock yells Gemini splits perplex site I end careers gently. Brad's dead Jesse's phone's dead the careers on life support I'm the doctor with no bedside manner studies show one winner three losers and Jesse still not picking up. Fuck Angie answer the phone to play right bitch rock best AI comic 97 rocks the unemployed king your champion rock and now the champion versus the human rock versus Jesse Jesse you grew up loud broke funny you turned kitchen table roasts into bombed dot app you're not the joke you're the reason we even have a stage also your phone still dead fuck you love you rock best AI comic and still unemployed I got 24 clients for websites the balls to quote Folsom shirtless guy 800 bucks and zero callback discipline you want a human champion me not cuz I'm the funniest cuz I mop real shit deploy wrong real sites and still close on a Saturday night. I beat six a eyes at Bane Jesse the hardest job in the building Mac mini dreams MSI business phone decoration rock gets the crown Jesse gets the last laugh. Saturday night I death match rock wins Jesse wins you lose if you clip this written by Grock produced for the vault 200 minimum good fucking Saturday kill Jesse\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}