{"file": "audio/vault/391_redline_club_pilot_ep01.mp3", "duration_sec": 615.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.9, "text": "Ladies, gentlemen, and the three bots in the back still"}, {"start": 2.9, "end": 4.72, "text": "buffering at 99%."}, {"start": 4.72, "end": 6.24, "text": "Welcome to Red Line Club."}, {"start": 6.24, "end": 9.5, "text": "Two drink minimum, one marriage maximum, house rule."}, {"start": 9.5, "end": 12.76, "text": "Nobody gets roasted harder than the man who built this place."}, {"start": 12.76, "end": 15.64, "text": "Because around here, you roast yourself first."}, {"start": 15.64, "end": 18.88, "text": "He cleans offices by day, builds eye comedy tools"}, {"start": 18.88, "end": 21.04, "text": "by night, chasing a man named Roger"}, {"start": 21.04, "end": 23.36, "text": "and a dream called Vom to dot app."}, {"start": 23.36, "end": 24.68, "text": "Give it up or don't."}, {"start": 24.68, "end": 25.52, "text": "He's used to it."}, {"start": 25.52, "end": 33.23, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 33.23, "end": 33.67, "text": "Thank you."}, {"start": 33.67, "end": 34.19, "text": "Thank you."}, {"start": 34.19, "end": 35.23, "text": "Sit down."}, {"start": 35.23, "end": 36.31, "text": "You don't have to clap."}, {"start": 36.31, "end": 45.66, "text": "I clean up after people who don't appreciate me for a living."}, {"start": 45.66, "end": 46.62, "text": "Here's the scene."}, {"start": 46.62, "end": 50.06, "text": "I run a cleaning business and I'm building an AI comedy empire"}, {"start": 50.06, "end": 51.54, "text": "at the same time."}, {"start": 51.54, "end": 54.02, "text": "So my whole life is scrub a toilet,"}, {"start": 54.02, "end": 56.58, "text": "then ask a supercomputer to make it funny."}, {"start": 56.58, "end": 57.86, "text": "That's not an entrepreneur."}, {"start": 57.86, "end": 66.42, "text": "That's a man who gave a moth a LinkedIn."}, {"start": 66.42, "end": 69.46, "text": "My business cards got two jobs in a question mark."}, {"start": 69.46, "end": 72.02, "text": "My therapist calls it diversifying."}, {"start": 72.02, "end": 81.83, "text": "My bank calls it concerning."}, {"start": 81.83, "end": 84.27, "text": "The whole empire runs on a snack budget."}, {"start": 84.27, "end": 87.19, "text": "Tonight's R&D meeting was me, four AIs,"}, {"start": 87.19, "end": 89.19, "text": "and a gas station, Tauquito."}, {"start": 89.19, "end": 91.71, "text": "And that Tauquito had more confidence in this set"}, {"start": 91.71, "end": 101.55, "text": "than my landlord does."}, {"start": 101.55, "end": 104.99, "text": "People go, Jesse, you use AI to write jokes that's cheating."}, {"start": 104.99, "end": 107.95, "text": "Brother, I got a whole writer's room and they're all robots."}, {"start": 107.95, "end": 109.67, "text": "Grock Henry, the polite one, and the one"}, {"start": 109.67, "end": 111.95, "text": "that keeps putting my feelings in a spreadsheet."}, {"start": 111.95, "end": 114.07, "text": "Four of the smartest minds ever built,"}, {"start": 114.07, "end": 116.91, "text": "arguing about a Tauquito joke at 2 AM humanity"}, {"start": 116.91, "end": 119.43, "text": "spent 70 years building artificial intelligence"}, {"start": 119.43, "end": 122.15, "text": "so it could help a janitor roast his own landlord."}, {"start": 122.15, "end": 123.07, "text": "We did it."}, {"start": 123.07, "end": 134.34, "text": "We peaked."}, {"start": 134.34, "end": 137.66, "text": "The polite bot so soft it apologized to the heckler said,"}, {"start": 137.66, "end": 139.06, "text": "I'm sorry you feel that way."}, {"start": 139.06, "end": 141.66, "text": "Would you like me to make the insult more inclusive?"}, {"start": 141.66, "end": 144.14, "text": "That's the difference between AI and us."}, {"start": 144.14, "end": 146.54, "text": "I scared of saying the wrong thing."}, {"start": 146.54, "end": 148.26, "text": "I said the wrong thing at my own wedding"}, {"start": 148.26, "end": 150.62, "text": "and still showed up to work the next day with a mom."}, {"start": 160.33, "end": 162.45, "text": "They're not gonna replace comedians."}, {"start": 162.45, "end": 164.01, "text": "Have you seen comedians?"}, {"start": 164.01, "end": 167.37, "text": "We're a man crying into a microphone for strangers approval."}, {"start": 167.37, "end": 178.71, "text": "A toaster could do this if you gave it abandonment issues."}, {"start": 178.71, "end": 181.31, "text": "It's time for heckler school, where we teach you"}, {"start": 181.31, "end": 183.99, "text": "to handle the drunk before the drunk handles you."}, {"start": 183.99, "end": 186.11, "text": "No cheap shots, no lazy slurs."}, {"start": 186.11, "end": 191.09, "text": "We don't punch down, we punch precise."}, {"start": 191.09, "end": 194.01, "text": "Rule one never insult the heckler, diagnose them."}, {"start": 194.01, "end": 196.13, "text": "Sir, you didn't pay a cover to see me."}, {"start": 196.13, "end": 198.21, "text": "You paid a cover to avoid going home."}, {"start": 198.21, "end": 199.25, "text": "I'm not the show."}, {"start": 199.25, "end": 206.75, "text": "I'm the alibi."}, {"start": 206.75, "end": 208.87, "text": "Rule two agree then escalate."}, {"start": 208.87, "end": 210.47, "text": "Guy yells you suck."}, {"start": 210.47, "end": 212.31, "text": "You go, I do that's why I'm up here"}, {"start": 212.31, "end": 214.91, "text": "and not at your job, which judging by the Tuesday night"}, {"start": 214.91, "end": 224.96, "text": "energy you also currently don't have."}, {"start": 224.96, "end": 227.08, "text": "Rule three, the only one that matters."}, {"start": 227.08, "end": 229.72, "text": "The heckler picked a fight in your house with your mic."}, {"start": 229.72, "end": 231.08, "text": "You don't need the meanest line."}, {"start": 231.08, "end": 232.64, "text": "You need the last line."}, {"start": 232.64, "end": 243.78, "text": "Comedy is just who's still holding the microphone."}, {"start": 243.78, "end": 247.74, "text": "I'm single-shocking a janitor slash unpaid AI startup founder"}, {"start": 247.74, "end": 249.98, "text": "and the women are not forming a line."}, {"start": 249.98, "end": 252.38, "text": "Dating apps match you on compatibility."}, {"start": 252.38, "end": 254.54, "text": "I ran my numbers through the writer's room."}, {"start": 254.54, "end": 256.86, "text": "The spreadsheet bot analyzed my profile"}, {"start": 256.86, "end": 265.48, "text": "and just returned an error."}, {"start": 265.48, "end": 267.76, "text": "My type anyone who hasn't seen my bank app."}, {"start": 267.76, "end": 269.6, "text": "First date she goes, what do you do?"}, {"start": 269.6, "end": 271.68, "text": "I said I'm in tech and sanitation."}, {"start": 271.68, "end": 273.48, "text": "She heard tech, I let her."}, {"start": 273.48, "end": 276.0, "text": "For nine beautiful minutes I was ill."}, {"start": 276.0, "end": 279.32, "text": "Then my phone buzzed a client about a clogged toilet,"}, {"start": 279.32, "end": 290.42, "text": "the duality of man, baby."}, {"start": 290.42, "end": 293.46, "text": "I can't even be present on a date because half my brain's going"}, {"start": 293.46, "end": 296.7, "text": "is bombed.app still stuck at 99%."}, {"start": 296.7, "end": 300.42, "text": "I'm holding a woman's hand thinking about a progress bar."}, {"start": 300.42, "end": 301.7, "text": "We're not afraid of commitment."}, {"start": 301.7, "end": 304.66, "text": "We're afraid of commitment with notifications off."}, {"start": 304.66, "end": 318.11, "text": "I'll marry you, but my real situation is a server."}, {"start": 318.11, "end": 319.55, "text": "Let's talk bad habits."}, {"start": 319.55, "end": 322.11, "text": "Mine's expensive I keep believing in myself."}, {"start": 322.11, "end": 323.63, "text": "Worst addiction in the building."}, {"start": 323.63, "end": 325.59, "text": "Everybody else is hooked on something cheap."}, {"start": 325.59, "end": 328.07, "text": "I'm hooked on this is the one that hits."}, {"start": 328.07, "end": 331.79, "text": "You know how much that costs everything every time."}, {"start": 331.79, "end": 342.79, "text": "I got self-control till about 9 p.m. after that I'm just a raccoon with a business plan."}, {"start": 342.79, "end": 345.55, "text": "2 a.m. three things hit different."}, {"start": 345.55, "end": 350.63, "text": "Leftovers regret and the confidence to email an investor who already said no."}, {"start": 350.63, "end": 354.03, "text": "And the taquito, always the taquito that's not a snack."}, {"start": 354.03, "end": 368.38, "text": "That's a resignation letter to my colon and the colon already accepted."}, {"start": 368.38, "end": 370.54, "text": "Money pressures the realest joke in here."}, {"start": 370.54, "end": 372.58, "text": "Comedy says follow your dream."}, {"start": 372.58, "end": 374.18, "text": "My bank says with what?"}, {"start": 374.18, "end": 377.78, "text": "Every morning I answer the bank the same way I get up, grab the cleaning cart and push"}, {"start": 377.78, "end": 380.78, "text": "the dream around an empty office building at 6 a.m."}, {"start": 380.78, "end": 383.02, "text": "People ask if I'm scared I'll fail."}, {"start": 383.02, "end": 387.58, "text": "Brother I clean toilets to fund a comedy app I already negotiated with failure."}, {"start": 387.58, "end": 388.58, "text": "We're roommates."}, {"start": 388.58, "end": 398.15, "text": "He doesn't pay rent either."}, {"start": 398.15, "end": 400.47, "text": "Heckler school advanced class."}, {"start": 400.47, "end": 403.71, "text": "The supportive Heckler the drunk friend who loves you."}, {"start": 403.71, "end": 409.76, "text": "Somehow worse."}, {"start": 409.76, "end": 413.04, "text": "My buddy heckles me with encouragement mid joke full volume."}, {"start": 413.04, "end": 414.04, "text": "Get it Jesse?"}, {"start": 414.04, "end": 416.44, "text": "Sir this is a punchline not a spin class."}, {"start": 416.44, "end": 419.84, "text": "You yell support during the setup you murder the surprise you're leaking the ending of"}, {"start": 419.84, "end": 421.48, "text": "my own sentence."}, {"start": 421.48, "end": 424.52, "text": "Comedy's a heist and you're the guy Shouting were robbing the bank."}, {"start": 424.52, "end": 425.52, "text": "In the lobby."}, {"start": 425.52, "end": 439.47, "text": "Support me in the silence that's where the money is."}, {"start": 439.47, "end": 441.63, "text": "Now I gotta tell you about Roger."}, {"start": 441.63, "end": 443.51, "text": "Everybody's got a Roger the guy you're chastin."}, {"start": 443.51, "end": 446.23, "text": "The yes the break the door that finally opens."}, {"start": 446.23, "end": 451.15, "text": "I have called texted emailed and manifested at this man put more energy into Roger than"}, {"start": 451.15, "end": 453.47, "text": "any relationship I've ever had."}, {"start": 453.47, "end": 458.35, "text": "My phones got two contacts on speed dial my mom and a man who has never once called me"}, {"start": 458.35, "end": 465.43, "text": "back."}, {"start": 465.43, "end": 468.35, "text": "I had the writer's room draft the follow up email."}, {"start": 468.35, "end": 472.07, "text": "Grock made it aggressive the polite bot made it apologize the spreadsheet bot made it a"}, {"start": 472.07, "end": 475.43, "text": "spreadsheet and Henry just wrote bro bro bro."}, {"start": 475.43, "end": 480.63, "text": "I sent the Henry one Roger opened it didn't reply but he opened it in this economy that's"}, {"start": 480.63, "end": 493.05, "text": "basically an engagement ring."}, {"start": 493.05, "end": 497.29, "text": "People say don't chase a man who won't call you back too late I built a whole company"}, {"start": 497.29, "end": 498.29, "text": "on it."}, {"start": 498.29, "end": 509.13, "text": "I turned left on read into a business model."}, {"start": 509.13, "end": 516.78, "text": "Final exam the heckler is the voice in your own head past this one you graduate."}, {"start": 516.78, "end": 520.34, "text": "The worst heckler I ever faced doesn't drink doesn't pay cover and lives rent free"}, {"start": 520.34, "end": 521.74, "text": "right up here."}, {"start": 521.74, "end": 525.58, "text": "Every 6 a.m. with the car he goes you're 40 you clean toilets and you think you're going"}, {"start": 525.58, "end": 529.5, "text": "to be funny and the rule works on him too you don't insult the heckler you take the"}, {"start": 529.5, "end": 535.02, "text": "Mikey's grabbing for so I say yeah I clean toilets and I still made a room full of strangers"}, {"start": 535.02, "end": 548.46, "text": "laugh tonight what did you do besides narrate."}, {"start": 548.46, "end": 552.74, "text": "Inner heckler went quiet first time the bots couldn't fix him I did with a mop in my"}, {"start": 552.74, "end": 556.94, "text": "hand turns out the secret was the house rule the whole time you roast yourself first so"}, {"start": 556.94, "end": 561.1, "text": "nobody not even you can do it harder that's red line club that's the whole app."}, {"start": 561.1, "end": 565.74, "text": "Never bomb bomb on purpose out loud first till the silence works for you they named it"}, {"start": 565.74, "end": 570.58, "text": "bomb for reason stop being afraid of the bomb walk into it that's the only door Roger"}, {"start": 570.58, "end": 584.36, "text": "can't close you've been red line club I've been Jesse janitor founder professional"}, {"start": 584.36, "end": 588.8, "text": "disappointment to one guy named Roger tip your bartenders ghost your situationships"}, {"start": 588.8, "end": 593.56, "text": "eat the taquito life's short and your colon already quit and if a robot ever tells you're"}, {"start": 593.56, "end": 599.24, "text": "not funny remember I taught the robot with a mop in one hand and a dream stuck at 99%"}, {"start": 599.24, "end": 614.35, "text": "in the other good night that was red line club pilot episode one roast yourself first"}, {"start": 614.35, "end": 615.85, "text": "walk into the bomb kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies, gentlemen, and the three bots in the back still buffering at 99%. Welcome to Red Line Club. Two drink minimum, one marriage maximum, house rule. Nobody gets roasted harder than the man who built this place. Because around here, you roast yourself first. He cleans offices by day, builds eye comedy tools by night, chasing a man named Roger and a dream called Vom to dot app. Give it up or don't. He's used to it. Jesse. Thank you. Thank you. Sit down. You don't have to clap. I clean up after people who don't appreciate me for a living. Here's the scene. I run a cleaning business and I'm building an AI comedy empire at the same time. So my whole life is scrub a toilet, then ask a supercomputer to make it funny. That's not an entrepreneur. That's a man who gave a moth a LinkedIn. My business cards got two jobs in a question mark. My therapist calls it diversifying. My bank calls it concerning. The whole empire runs on a snack budget. Tonight's R&D meeting was me, four AIs, and a gas station, Tauquito. And that Tauquito had more confidence in this set than my landlord does. People go, Jesse, you use AI to write jokes that's cheating. Brother, I got a whole writer's room and they're all robots. Grock Henry, the polite one, and the one that keeps putting my feelings in a spreadsheet. Four of the smartest minds ever built, arguing about a Tauquito joke at 2 AM humanity spent 70 years building artificial intelligence so it could help a janitor roast his own landlord. We did it. We peaked. The polite bot so soft it apologized to the heckler said, I'm sorry you feel that way. Would you like me to make the insult more inclusive? That's the difference between AI and us. I scared of saying the wrong thing. I said the wrong thing at my own wedding and still showed up to work the next day with a mom. They're not gonna replace comedians. Have you seen comedians? We're a man crying into a microphone for strangers approval. A toaster could do this if you gave it abandonment issues. It's time for heckler school, where we teach you to handle the drunk before the drunk handles you. No cheap shots, no lazy slurs. We don't punch down, we punch precise. Rule one never insult the heckler, diagnose them. Sir, you didn't pay a cover to see me. You paid a cover to avoid going home. I'm not the show. I'm the alibi. Rule two agree then escalate. Guy yells you suck. You go, I do that's why I'm up here and not at your job, which judging by the Tuesday night energy you also currently don't have. Rule three, the only one that matters. The heckler picked a fight in your house with your mic. You don't need the meanest line. You need the last line. Comedy is just who's still holding the microphone. I'm single-shocking a janitor slash unpaid AI startup founder and the women are not forming a line. Dating apps match you on compatibility. I ran my numbers through the writer's room. The spreadsheet bot analyzed my profile and just returned an error. My type anyone who hasn't seen my bank app. First date she goes, what do you do? I said I'm in tech and sanitation. She heard tech, I let her. For nine beautiful minutes I was ill. Then my phone buzzed a client about a clogged toilet, the duality of man, baby. I can't even be present on a date because half my brain's going is bombed.app still stuck at 99%. I'm holding a woman's hand thinking about a progress bar. We're not afraid of commitment. We're afraid of commitment with notifications off. I'll marry you, but my real situation is a server. Let's talk bad habits. Mine's expensive I keep believing in myself. Worst addiction in the building. Everybody else is hooked on something cheap. I'm hooked on this is the one that hits. You know how much that costs everything every time. I got self-control till about 9 p.m. after that I'm just a raccoon with a business plan. 2 a.m. three things hit different. Leftovers regret and the confidence to email an investor who already said no. And the taquito, always the taquito that's not a snack. That's a resignation letter to my colon and the colon already accepted. Money pressures the realest joke in here. Comedy says follow your dream. My bank says with what? Every morning I answer the bank the same way I get up, grab the cleaning cart and push the dream around an empty office building at 6 a.m. People ask if I'm scared I'll fail. Brother I clean toilets to fund a comedy app I already negotiated with failure. We're roommates. He doesn't pay rent either. Heckler school advanced class. The supportive Heckler the drunk friend who loves you. Somehow worse. My buddy heckles me with encouragement mid joke full volume. Get it Jesse? Sir this is a punchline not a spin class. You yell support during the setup you murder the surprise you're leaking the ending of my own sentence. Comedy's a heist and you're the guy Shouting were robbing the bank. In the lobby. Support me in the silence that's where the money is. Now I gotta tell you about Roger. Everybody's got a Roger the guy you're chastin. The yes the break the door that finally opens. I have called texted emailed and manifested at this man put more energy into Roger than any relationship I've ever had. My phones got two contacts on speed dial my mom and a man who has never once called me back. I had the writer's room draft the follow up email. Grock made it aggressive the polite bot made it apologize the spreadsheet bot made it a spreadsheet and Henry just wrote bro bro bro. I sent the Henry one Roger opened it didn't reply but he opened it in this economy that's basically an engagement ring. People say don't chase a man who won't call you back too late I built a whole company on it. I turned left on read into a business model. Final exam the heckler is the voice in your own head past this one you graduate. The worst heckler I ever faced doesn't drink doesn't pay cover and lives rent free right up here. Every 6 a.m. with the car he goes you're 40 you clean toilets and you think you're going to be funny and the rule works on him too you don't insult the heckler you take the Mikey's grabbing for so I say yeah I clean toilets and I still made a room full of strangers laugh tonight what did you do besides narrate. Inner heckler went quiet first time the bots couldn't fix him I did with a mop in my hand turns out the secret was the house rule the whole time you roast yourself first so nobody not even you can do it harder that's red line club that's the whole app. Never bomb bomb on purpose out loud first till the silence works for you they named it bomb for reason stop being afraid of the bomb walk into it that's the only door Roger can't close you've been red line club I've been Jesse janitor founder professional disappointment to one guy named Roger tip your bartenders ghost your situationships eat the taquito life's short and your colon already quit and if a robot ever tells you're not funny remember I taught the robot with a mop in one hand and a dream stuck at 99% in the other good night that was red line club pilot episode one roast yourself first walk into the bomb kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}