{"file": "audio/vault/38_open_mic_no_jokes.mp3", "duration_sec": 163.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 3.8, "text": "Adults only."}, {"start": 3.8, "end": 5.54, "text": "No kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 12.84, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis"}, {"start": 12.84, "end": 16.68, "text": "on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.12, "text": "Tonight's a special help, folks."}, {"start": 27.12, "end": 29.72, "text": "It's open Mike Knight, and nobody brought a joke."}, {"start": 29.72, "end": 32.08, "text": "These comics signed up with full confidence"}, {"start": 32.08, "end": 34.2, "text": "and absolutely zero material."}, {"start": 34.2, "end": 35.68, "text": "Let's watch him die."}, {"start": 35.68, "end": 42.14, "text": "First up Mickey, who I'm told prepared nothing."}, {"start": 42.14, "end": 45.1, "text": "So I was driving here today, and there was traffic."}, {"start": 45.1, "end": 53.29, "text": "And um, yeah, that's pretty much it."}, {"start": 53.29, "end": 55.21, "text": "A premise with no punchline Mickey,"}, {"start": 55.21, "end": 57.37, "text": "that's not a joke, that's a hostage video."}, {"start": 57.37, "end": 58.93, "text": "Next."}, {"start": 58.93, "end": 60.85, "text": "OK, so marriage on my right."}, {"start": 60.85, "end": 67.42, "text": "Marriage, you know what I mean."}, {"start": 67.42, "end": 69.46, "text": "You know what I mean is what a comic says"}, {"start": 69.46, "end": 71.62, "text": "when even he doesn't know what he means."}, {"start": 71.62, "end": 73.34, "text": "Next."}, {"start": 73.34, "end": 74.94, "text": "I don't really have material."}, {"start": 74.94, "end": 77.7, "text": "I just have energy and unresolved trauma."}, {"start": 77.7, "end": 87.96, "text": "So how's everybody doing tonight?"}, {"start": 87.96, "end": 90.88, "text": "She opened and closed with how's everybody doing."}, {"start": 90.88, "end": 91.64, "text": "That's not a set."}, {"start": 91.64, "end": 92.8, "text": "That's a waiting room."}, {"start": 92.8, "end": 94.36, "text": "Next."}, {"start": 94.36, "end": 95.12, "text": "I work out."}, {"start": 95.12, "end": 96.6, "text": "That's the bits."}, {"start": 96.6, "end": 97.6, "text": "Uh."}, {"start": 97.6, "end": 98.6, "text": "Uh."}, {"start": 98.6, "end": 99.6, "text": "Uh."}, {"start": 99.6, "end": 100.6, "text": "Uh."}, {"start": 100.6, "end": 102.48, "text": "Skip, I work out is not a joke."}, {"start": 102.48, "end": 103.64, "text": "It's a doctor's note."}, {"start": 103.64, "end": 105.0, "text": "Next."}, {"start": 105.0, "end": 108.68, "text": "I had a joke, but I left it in the car with my dignity."}, {"start": 114.94, "end": 116.9, "text": "And that's open, Mike Knight, folks."}, {"start": 116.9, "end": 119.58, "text": "Five comics, zero jokes and a silence in this room"}, {"start": 119.58, "end": 120.42, "text": "you could bill for."}, {"start": 120.42, "end": 121.66, "text": "Here's the lesson."}, {"start": 121.66, "end": 124.14, "text": "Anybody can grab a mic, but a joke needs a set up"}, {"start": 124.14, "end": 126.66, "text": "and a punchline, not vibes and an apology."}, {"start": 126.66, "end": 129.62, "text": "These idiots brought neither, and that's why I'm the headliner."}, {"start": 129.62, "end": 131.54, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh mostly"}, {"start": 131.54, "end": 133.54, "text": "because he's the only one who brought one."}, {"start": 133.54, "end": 141.94, "text": "This is Red Line, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 141.94, "end": 143.22, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 143.22, "end": 144.46, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 144.46, "end": 149.02, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse Special four times a month."}, {"start": 149.02, "end": 152.22, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 152.22, "end": 154.22, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after"}, {"start": 154.22, "end": 157.02, "text": "because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 157.02, "end": 159.9, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 159.9, "end": 161.62, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 161.62, "end": 163.46, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only. No kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight's a special help, folks. It's open Mike Knight, and nobody brought a joke. These comics signed up with full confidence and absolutely zero material. Let's watch him die. First up Mickey, who I'm told prepared nothing. So I was driving here today, and there was traffic. And um, yeah, that's pretty much it. A premise with no punchline Mickey, that's not a joke, that's a hostage video. Next. OK, so marriage on my right. Marriage, you know what I mean. You know what I mean is what a comic says when even he doesn't know what he means. Next. I don't really have material. I just have energy and unresolved trauma. So how's everybody doing tonight? She opened and closed with how's everybody doing. That's not a set. That's a waiting room. Next. I work out. That's the bits. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Skip, I work out is not a joke. It's a doctor's note. Next. I had a joke, but I left it in the car with my dignity. And that's open, Mike Knight, folks. Five comics, zero jokes and a silence in this room you could bill for. Here's the lesson. Anybody can grab a mic, but a joke needs a set up and a punchline, not vibes and an apology. These idiots brought neither, and that's why I'm the headliner. The hero gets the last laugh mostly because he's the only one who brought one. This is Red Line, Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse Special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}