{"file": "audio/vault/375_teamjesse_brittany.mp3", "duration_sec": 149.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.6, "text": "Welcome to Team Jesse, where somebody always makes the mistake of talking trash about our guy."}, {"start": 5.6, "end": 10.8, "text": "Tonight's volunteer, Brittany from the HOA. Let's hear the dumb thing they said."}, {"start": 18.32, "end": 21.68, "text": "I reported your dogs, Jesse, three of them in my neighborhood."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 29.01, "text": "A single man your age with only dogs is just, sad I'm telling the board."}, {"start": 29.01, "end": 34.67, "text": "Oh, Brittany from the HOA, wrong room boys, open fire."}, {"start": 34.67, "end": 38.67, "text": "She has no job, no joy, and the clipboard she treats like a badge."}, {"start": 38.67, "end": 42.11, "text": "Brittany, you measure grass with a ruler and people with a sneer."}, {"start": 42.11, "end": 45.23, "text": "Jesse's dogs have more friends than your entire cul-de-sac."}, {"start": 47.94, "end": 51.38, "text": "Hi, Brittany. Your whole personality is a parking violation."}, {"start": 51.38, "end": 55.38, "text": "You ain't protecting the neighborhood, you're hunting joy like it owes your rent."}, {"start": 55.38, "end": 58.66, "text": "Them dogs love Jesse. Nobody's filed a complaint about that."}, {"start": 65.34, "end": 71.26, "text": "Lady, you report dogs but you're married to a man who's been working late since 2019."}, {"start": 71.82, "end": 76.3, "text": "Worry about your own yard. The grass ain't the only thing dying over there."}, {"start": 81.28, "end": 86.4, "text": "Your Brittany from the HOA, even the exit sign is pointing at you. Take the hint."}, {"start": 90.58, "end": 94.66, "text": "Brittany from the HOA, you brought an opinion to a roast fight, rookie mistake."}, {"start": 98.74, "end": 104.9, "text": "Brittany from the HOA, you came for Jesse and left in a body bag made of your own confidence."}, {"start": 107.79, "end": 113.55, "text": "And now, the man himself, the hero, the last word always belongs to him, Jesse."}, {"start": 119.36, "end": 124.0, "text": "Brittany, you call my life sad. My dogs are thrilled to see me every single day."}, {"start": 124.0, "end": 127.68, "text": "When's the last time anybody in your house was happy you walked in."}, {"start": 127.68, "end": 129.68, "text": "Last laughs mine, go water your lawn."}, {"start": 135.68, "end": 139.68, "text": "And that is why nobody beats Jesse twice. Team Jesse undefeated."}, {"start": 139.68, "end": 141.92, "text": "This has been your announcer. Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nWelcome to Team Jesse, where somebody always makes the mistake of talking trash about our guy. Tonight's volunteer, Brittany from the HOA. Let's hear the dumb thing they said. I reported your dogs, Jesse, three of them in my neighborhood. A single man your age with only dogs is just, sad I'm telling the board. Oh, Brittany from the HOA, wrong room boys, open fire. She has no job, no joy, and the clipboard she treats like a badge. Brittany, you measure grass with a ruler and people with a sneer. Jesse's dogs have more friends than your entire cul-de-sac. Hi, Brittany. Your whole personality is a parking violation. You ain't protecting the neighborhood, you're hunting joy like it owes your rent. Them dogs love Jesse. Nobody's filed a complaint about that. Lady, you report dogs but you're married to a man who's been working late since 2019. Worry about your own yard. The grass ain't the only thing dying over there. Your Brittany from the HOA, even the exit sign is pointing at you. Take the hint. Brittany from the HOA, you brought an opinion to a roast fight, rookie mistake. Brittany from the HOA, you came for Jesse and left in a body bag made of your own confidence. And now, the man himself, the hero, the last word always belongs to him, Jesse. Brittany, you call my life sad. My dogs are thrilled to see me every single day. When's the last time anybody in your house was happy you walked in. Last laughs mine, go water your lawn. And that is why nobody beats Jesse twice. Team Jesse undefeated. This has been your announcer. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}