{"file": "audio/vault/373_auto_20260627_6.mp3", "duration_sec": 206.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 11.14, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.14, "end": 19.14, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 28.14, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 32.5, "end": 46.82, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, modern life is a scam. I roast me first. You're where a family job is just the kind that doesn't pay you and wants you on weekends. Bring it."}, {"start": 46.82, "end": 51.82, "text": "Lama on the outside, switch plate on the inside. The diamond that cuts back. Ruby."}, {"start": 51.82, "end": 60.08, "text": "You bought a plant to feel responsible for something living. It died."}, {"start": 65.26, "end": 68.26, "text": "You're the lock and the locksmith who can't get in."}, {"start": 68.26, "end": 79.38, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 79.38, "end": 83.45, "text": "Trip."}, {"start": 83.45, "end": 87.45, "text": "You built a comedy club run by robots to avoid one phone call to human."}, {"start": 87.45, "end": 102.59, "text": "Your dating profile says founder energy that's unemployment with Wi-Fi."}, {"start": 102.59, "end": 107.59, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit. Queen's stank."}, {"start": 107.59, "end": 116.7, "text": "You apologize to a self-checkout machine this morning. Out loud, to a key ask."}, {"start": 116.7, "end": 130.26, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor. Vinnie."}, {"start": 130.26, "end": 137.26, "text": "You're not broke, you're pre-rich. Your credit score just said law."}, {"start": 137.26, "end": 152.72, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laugh before the dark wins. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 158.38, "end": 168.38, "text": "And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 168.38, "end": 178.38, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 178.38, "end": 183.38, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 183.38, "end": 189.38, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 189.38, "end": 197.38, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 197.38, "end": 201.38, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, modern life is a scam. I roast me first. You're where a family job is just the kind that doesn't pay you and wants you on weekends. Bring it. Lama on the outside, switch plate on the inside. The diamond that cuts back. Ruby. You bought a plant to feel responsible for something living. It died. You're the lock and the locksmith who can't get in. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip. You built a comedy club run by robots to avoid one phone call to human. Your dating profile says founder energy that's unemployment with Wi-Fi. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit. Queen's stank. You apologize to a self-checkout machine this morning. Out loud, to a key ask. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor. Vinnie. You're not broke, you're pre-rich. Your credit score just said law. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laugh before the dark wins. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}