{"file": "audio/vault/36_good_vs_bad_credit.mp3", "duration_sec": 149.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.32, "text": "Tonight Good Credit versus Bad Credit."}, {"start": 27.32, "end": 28.86, "text": "I'm team bad credit."}, {"start": 28.86, "end": 31.82, "text": "My score is so low it doesn't even show a number anymore."}, {"start": 31.82, "end": 34.66, "text": "It just shows a frowny face and a phone number for help."}, {"start": 34.66, "end": 38.54, "text": "I've been declined so many times my card flinches at the register."}, {"start": 38.54, "end": 44.87, "text": "Good credit folks, fire, Nigel."}, {"start": 44.87, "end": 47.79, "text": "Jesse, your credit's so bad when you apply for loan,"}, {"start": 47.79, "end": 56.63, "text": "the bank laughs in a language you don't even speak."}, {"start": 56.63, "end": 60.31, "text": "Nigel, you got an 800 credit score and the personality of a terms"}, {"start": 60.31, "end": 61.99, "text": "and conditions page."}, {"start": 61.99, "end": 71.78, "text": "You're responsible, which is just boring with a savings account."}, {"start": 71.78, "end": 74.18, "text": "My credit's bad too, Jesse."}, {"start": 74.18, "end": 77.66, "text": "My credit score and my dating prospects are the same number,"}, {"start": 77.66, "end": 83.04, "text": "and they both round down."}, {"start": 83.04, "end": 84.04, "text": "Shedding."}, {"start": 84.04, "end": 87.12, "text": "In M.Y. Day, we didn't have credit scores."}, {"start": 87.12, "end": 96.08, "text": "We had a handshake and a debt you took to the grave."}, {"start": 96.08, "end": 98.8, "text": "Jesse, your credit's so bad, Narnia called and said,"}, {"start": 98.8, "end": 105.54, "text": "even they won't extend you."}, {"start": 105.54, "end": 107.14, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 107.14, "end": 108.42, "text": "Good credit, bad credit."}, {"start": 108.42, "end": 110.66, "text": "One of you brags about a number, the other one is one,"}, {"start": 110.66, "end": 112.82, "text": "and we all owe somebody we'll never meet."}, {"start": 112.82, "end": 114.54, "text": "Truth is, my credit's a crime scene,"}, {"start": 114.54, "end": 117.22, "text": "but you know what they can't repossess my jokes."}, {"start": 117.22, "end": 119.9, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh even on layaway."}, {"start": 119.9, "end": 128.23, "text": "This is Red Line, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 128.23, "end": 129.51, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 129.51, "end": 130.75, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 130.75, "end": 135.35, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 135.35, "end": 138.51, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 138.51, "end": 140.55, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after,"}, {"start": 140.55, "end": 143.35, "text": "because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 143.35, "end": 146.23, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 146.23, "end": 147.95, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 147.95, "end": 149.75, "text": "Good night, and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight Good Credit versus Bad Credit. I'm team bad credit. My score is so low it doesn't even show a number anymore. It just shows a frowny face and a phone number for help. I've been declined so many times my card flinches at the register. Good credit folks, fire, Nigel. Jesse, your credit's so bad when you apply for loan, the bank laughs in a language you don't even speak. Nigel, you got an 800 credit score and the personality of a terms and conditions page. You're responsible, which is just boring with a savings account. My credit's bad too, Jesse. My credit score and my dating prospects are the same number, and they both round down. Shedding. In M.Y. Day, we didn't have credit scores. We had a handshake and a debt you took to the grave. Jesse, your credit's so bad, Narnia called and said, even they won't extend you. And that's the war, folks. Good credit, bad credit. One of you brags about a number, the other one is one, and we all owe somebody we'll never meet. Truth is, my credit's a crime scene, but you know what they can't repossess my jokes. The hero gets the last laugh even on layaway. This is Red Line, Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after, because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night, and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}