{"file": "audio/vault/369_auto_20260627_2.mp3", "duration_sec": 212.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 18.94, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 18.94, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.44, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line tonight, roast Jesse's choices."}, {"start": 34.44, "end": 35.64, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 35.84, "end": 37.94, "text": "You clean toilets all day in your own life,"}, {"start": 37.94, "end": 47.08, "text": "so biohazard. Physician Mop thyself. Bring it."}, {"start": 47.08, "end": 49.48, "text": "You proposed nine times with ring pops."}, {"start": 49.48, "end": 51.08, "text": "The candy store knows your order."}, {"start": 51.08, "end": 60.5, "text": "The jeweler thinks you died."}, {"start": 60.5, "end": 64.3, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 64.3, "end": 70.51, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 70.51, "end": 75.11, "text": "Your phone battery and your will to live hit 2% at the same time every night."}, {"start": 80.76, "end": 82.96, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 82.96, "end": 89.63, "text": "All hail the queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank."}, {"start": 89.63, "end": 98.5, "text": "You quit drinking, and now you feel everything you were drinking about."}, {"start": 98.5, "end": 103.5, "text": "You watch a man pressure wash a driveway for four hours and call itself care."}, {"start": 108.14, "end": 111.74, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 111.74, "end": 117.84, "text": "Your every man of error, Mickey."}, {"start": 117.84, "end": 121.24, "text": "You named the dogs better than you named any relationship."}, {"start": 121.24, "end": 129.15, "text": "At least the dogs come when called."}, {"start": 129.15, "end": 131.75, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 131.75, "end": 138.79, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew trip."}, {"start": 138.79, "end": 143.79, "text": "You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion turns out your passion was leaving."}, {"start": 151.15, "end": 153.55, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 153.55, "end": 154.95, "text": "Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 154.95, "end": 158.55, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds. This is red line. Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 158.55, "end": 166.85, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 166.85, "end": 174.85, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 174.85, "end": 180.45, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 180.45, "end": 183.85, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 183.85, "end": 185.85, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 185.85, "end": 189.45, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 189.45, "end": 191.85, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 191.85, "end": 195.45, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 195.45, "end": 198.45, "text": "Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club."}, {"start": 198.45, "end": 203.45, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 203.45, "end": 207.05, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line tonight, roast Jesse's choices. I roast me first. You clean toilets all day in your own life, so biohazard. Physician Mop thyself. Bring it. You proposed nine times with ring pops. The candy store knows your order. The jeweler thinks you died. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Your phone battery and your will to live hit 2% at the same time every night. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank. You quit drinking, and now you feel everything you were drinking about. You watch a man pressure wash a driveway for four hours and call itself care. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error, Mickey. You named the dogs better than you named any relationship. At least the dogs come when called. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew trip. You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion turns out your passion was leaving. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laugh before the dark winds. This is red line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}