{"file": "audio/vault/368_auto_20260627_1.mp3", "duration_sec": 222.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.67, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line tonight, the Daily Grind roast."}, {"start": 34.67, "end": 35.87, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 35.87, "end": 40.27, "text": "You've got 47 AI tools and still ask the microwave what time it is."}, {"start": 40.27, "end": 41.27, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 41.27, "end": 49.04, "text": "Three dogs, no wife."}, {"start": 49.04, "end": 52.75, "text": "You didn't build a family."}, {"start": 52.75, "end": 55.95, "text": "You built a petting zoo with a mortgage."}, {"start": 61.39, "end": 63.99, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 63.99, "end": 66.99, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 66.99, "end": 67.99, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 67.99, "end": 75.46, "text": "You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it had drive your customers without you."}, {"start": 75.46, "end": 77.06, "text": "The car ghosted you too."}, {"start": 84.7, "end": 88.9, "text": "I Jesse, you bought a plant to feel responsible for something living."}, {"start": 88.9, "end": 90.1, "text": "It died."}, {"start": 90.1, "end": 91.3, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 96.93, "end": 101.93, "text": "You celebrate 10 new subscribers like a wedding and four unsubscribing like a divorce."}, {"start": 102.93, "end": 109.7, "text": "She showed up late, loud and somehow funnier than all of you."}, {"start": 109.7, "end": 111.9, "text": "The party that never RSVPs."}, {"start": 111.9, "end": 112.9, "text": "Yes."}, {"start": 112.9, "end": 117.41, "text": "You child-proofed nothing."}, {"start": 117.41, "end": 119.41, "text": "You proved against your whole bloodline."}, {"start": 119.41, "end": 126.12, "text": "All protein, one personality."}, {"start": 126.12, "end": 128.32, "text": "The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy."}, {"start": 128.32, "end": 132.39, "text": "Skip!"}, {"start": 132.39, "end": 136.99, "text": "You stand in the kitchen at two and making eye contact with the fridge like you're in love."}, {"start": 141.1, "end": 145.3, "text": "You quit Uber by deleting the app at a red light after 11 years."}, {"start": 145.3, "end": 157.4, "text": "I'm just the announcer, but you're so broke your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi."}, {"start": 161.73, "end": 163.93, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 163.93, "end": 165.33, "text": "Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 165.33, "end": 167.93, "text": "Laff before the dark winds, this is red line."}, {"start": 167.93, "end": 168.93, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 168.93, "end": 177.22, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 177.22, "end": 185.22, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 185.22, "end": 191.02, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 191.02, "end": 194.42, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 194.42, "end": 196.42, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 196.42, "end": 200.02, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 200.02, "end": 202.22, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 202.22, "end": 207.22, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 207.22, "end": 214.22, "text": "The red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 214.22, "end": 216.22, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 216.22, "end": 217.22, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line tonight, the Daily Grind roast. I roast me first. You've got 47 AI tools and still ask the microwave what time it is. Bring it. Three dogs, no wife. You didn't build a family. You built a petting zoo with a mortgage. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it had drive your customers without you. The car ghosted you too. I Jesse, you bought a plant to feel responsible for something living. It died. Forget about it. You celebrate 10 new subscribers like a wedding and four unsubscribing like a divorce. She showed up late, loud and somehow funnier than all of you. The party that never RSVPs. Yes. You child-proofed nothing. You proved against your whole bloodline. All protein, one personality. The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy. Skip! You stand in the kitchen at two and making eye contact with the fridge like you're in love. You quit Uber by deleting the app at a red light after 11 years. I'm just the announcer, but you're so broke your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laff before the dark winds, this is red line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}