{"file": "audio/vault/35_clean_record_vs_felon.mp3", "duration_sec": 172.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 3.8, "text": "Adults only."}, {"start": 3.8, "end": 5.54, "text": "No kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.56, "text": "Tonight's spotless record versus felon,"}, {"start": 27.56, "end": 29.16, "text": "and I'm your reigning felon."}, {"start": 29.16, "end": 31.6, "text": "Well, R-E-D-U-C-E-D to a misdemeanor now,"}, {"start": 31.6, "end": 34.2, "text": "which means I leveled up my crime like a video game."}, {"start": 34.2, "end": 35.6, "text": "But it don't matter, folks."}, {"start": 35.6, "end": 38.48, "text": "Every job application still asks the same question."}, {"start": 38.48, "end": 39.8, "text": "Have you ever been arrested?"}, {"start": 39.8, "end": 42.56, "text": "And I got a check, yes, then explain my whole 19th year"}, {"start": 42.56, "end": 44.64, "text": "to a 23-year-old in HR."}, {"start": 44.64, "end": 46.6, "text": "Clean record folks come at me."}, {"start": 46.6, "end": 52.85, "text": "Nigel, you got a security clearance fire."}, {"start": 52.85, "end": 56.01, "text": "Jesse, I've got five levels of clearance, no tickets,"}, {"start": 56.01, "end": 58.81, "text": "and a record far cleaner than yours will ever be."}, {"start": 58.81, "end": 71.29, "text": "You're one box on a form away from permanently unemployable."}, {"start": 71.29, "end": 74.57, "text": "Nigel, you got a spotless record because you've never done anything."}, {"start": 74.57, "end": 77.09, "text": "You're so clean you've never even been tempted."}, {"start": 77.09, "end": 78.41, "text": "I got reformed."}, {"start": 78.41, "end": 85.56, "text": "You just got boring."}, {"start": 85.56, "end": 87.32, "text": "I've never been arrested, bro,"}, {"start": 87.32, "end": 93.24, "text": "mostly because I run faster than the cops."}, {"start": 93.24, "end": 96.32, "text": "Jesse, they knocked your felony down to a misdemeanor,"}, {"start": 96.32, "end": 98.88, "text": "and the form still asks if you've been arrested."}, {"start": 98.88, "end": 108.52, "text": "That's like a divorce that follows you to every wedding."}, {"start": 108.52, "end": 110.64, "text": "Jesse, you paid your debt to society,"}, {"start": 110.64, "end": 118.55, "text": "and society still sends you a follow-up invoice."}, {"start": 118.55, "end": 120.03, "text": "And here's the truth, folks."}, {"start": 120.03, "end": 122.95, "text": "I caught a felony at 19, got it knocked down to a misdemeanor,"}, {"start": 122.95, "end": 125.27, "text": "paid every dime, served every day."}, {"start": 125.27, "end": 129.55, "text": "And 30 years later, a job application can still make me feel like a teenager in handcuffs."}, {"start": 129.55, "end": 130.95, "text": "Here's what nobody tells you."}, {"start": 130.95, "end": 133.35, "text": "The system lets you out, but the question keeps you in."}, {"start": 133.35, "end": 134.23, "text": "But you know what?"}, {"start": 134.23, "end": 137.47, "text": "I stopped applying for jobs that needed my permission to forgive me."}, {"start": 137.47, "end": 138.71, "text": "I built my own."}, {"start": 138.71, "end": 142.03, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh, and he checks his own box now."}, {"start": 142.03, "end": 144.03, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 144.03, "end": 150.95, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 150.95, "end": 152.23, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 152.23, "end": 153.47, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 153.47, "end": 158.11, "text": "New comedy 24-7, and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 158.11, "end": 161.27, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 161.27, "end": 164.47, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line,"}, {"start": 164.47, "end": 166.11, "text": "the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 166.11, "end": 168.99, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 168.99, "end": 170.71, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 170.71, "end": 172.43, "text": "Good night, and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only. No kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight's spotless record versus felon, and I'm your reigning felon. Well, R-E-D-U-C-E-D to a misdemeanor now, which means I leveled up my crime like a video game. But it don't matter, folks. Every job application still asks the same question. Have you ever been arrested? And I got a check, yes, then explain my whole 19th year to a 23-year-old in HR. Clean record folks come at me. Nigel, you got a security clearance fire. Jesse, I've got five levels of clearance, no tickets, and a record far cleaner than yours will ever be. You're one box on a form away from permanently unemployable. Nigel, you got a spotless record because you've never done anything. You're so clean you've never even been tempted. I got reformed. You just got boring. I've never been arrested, bro, mostly because I run faster than the cops. Jesse, they knocked your felony down to a misdemeanor, and the form still asks if you've been arrested. That's like a divorce that follows you to every wedding. Jesse, you paid your debt to society, and society still sends you a follow-up invoice. And here's the truth, folks. I caught a felony at 19, got it knocked down to a misdemeanor, paid every dime, served every day. And 30 years later, a job application can still make me feel like a teenager in handcuffs. Here's what nobody tells you. The system lets you out, but the question keeps you in. But you know what? I stopped applying for jobs that needed my permission to forgive me. I built my own. The hero gets the last laugh, and he checks his own box now. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7, and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night, and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}