{"file": "audio/vault/356_hotline_ho_money.mp3", "duration_sec": 119.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 1.58, "text": "The red line hotline is back."}, {"start": 1.58, "end": 3.64, "text": "Financial ruin, just a phone call away."}, {"start": 3.64, "end": 4.88, "text": "Call her too. Talk to me."}, {"start": 4.88, "end": 9.22, "text": "Hey, I've got $500 saved up."}, {"start": 9.22, "end": 15.23, "text": "Should I invest it or pay down my debt?"}, {"start": 15.23, "end": 16.35, "text": "Buy a suit."}, {"start": 16.35, "end": 18.03, "text": "You can't get rich looking broke."}, {"start": 18.03, "end": 21.23, "text": "Then bid 800 bucks you don't have on a haunted stove."}, {"start": 21.23, "end": 22.87, "text": "That's called leverage, kid."}, {"start": 22.87, "end": 29.35, "text": "You know what?"}, {"start": 29.35, "end": 31.29, "text": "Clinically, my advice is convert it all"}, {"start": 31.29, "end": 32.95, "text": "to lottery tickets and hope."}, {"start": 32.95, "end": 34.59, "text": "Hope is a renewable resource."}, {"start": 34.59, "end": 43.47, "text": "Your savings are not."}, {"start": 43.47, "end": 46.07, "text": "Hang up on those two before they cost you a house."}, {"start": 46.07, "end": 47.27, "text": "Call her, pay the debt."}, {"start": 47.27, "end": 47.87, "text": "Boring?"}, {"start": 47.87, "end": 48.63, "text": "Yes."}, {"start": 48.63, "end": 50.87, "text": "But I'm a man on his third Tesla who can't make rent."}, {"start": 50.87, "end": 53.67, "text": "So trust me, the flashy move is the broke move."}, {"start": 53.67, "end": 56.15, "text": "Pay it down, sleep at night, laugh for free."}, {"start": 56.15, "end": 65.08, "text": "Last laugh and the only real tip mine."}, {"start": 65.08, "end": 67.56, "text": "Hold up before we wrap open mic lightning."}, {"start": 67.56, "end": 73.98, "text": "Bench roast me go-go-geo."}, {"start": 73.98, "end": 76.14, "text": "Jesse Cleans Cat houses for a living"}, {"start": 76.14, "end": 78.02, "text": "and goes home to three dogs."}, {"start": 78.02, "end": 80.06, "text": "The man's running a for-covered double life."}, {"start": 83.46, "end": 90.83, "text": "Jesse's lint roller has more mileage than his Tesla."}, {"start": 90.83, "end": 98.43, "text": "Jesse's fridge has three condiments and a personal vendetta."}, {"start": 98.43, "end": 99.43, "text": "Ha, get out of here."}, {"start": 99.43, "end": 101.03, "text": "You beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 101.03, "end": 103.15, "text": "I walked into every one of those."}, {"start": 103.15, "end": 111.59, "text": "Do the opposite of two thirds of this show."}, {"start": 111.59, "end": 112.91, "text": "Red line hotline."}, {"start": 112.91, "end": 113.87, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nThe red line hotline is back. Financial ruin, just a phone call away. Call her too. Talk to me. Hey, I've got $500 saved up. Should I invest it or pay down my debt? Buy a suit. You can't get rich looking broke. Then bid 800 bucks you don't have on a haunted stove. That's called leverage, kid. You know what? Clinically, my advice is convert it all to lottery tickets and hope. Hope is a renewable resource. Your savings are not. Hang up on those two before they cost you a house. Call her, pay the debt. Boring? Yes. But I'm a man on his third Tesla who can't make rent. So trust me, the flashy move is the broke move. Pay it down, sleep at night, laugh for free. Last laugh and the only real tip mine. Hold up before we wrap open mic lightning. Bench roast me go-go-geo. Jesse Cleans Cat houses for a living and goes home to three dogs. The man's running a for-covered double life. Jesse's lint roller has more mileage than his Tesla. Jesse's fridge has three condiments and a personal vendetta. Ha, get out of here. You beautiful degenerates. I walked into every one of those. Do the opposite of two thirds of this show. Red line hotline. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}