{"file": "audio/vault/34_jail_vs_no_jail.mp3", "duration_sec": 107.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 18.94, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 18.94, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 34.54, "text": "Tonight, Ben to jail versus never been to jail."}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 38.14, "text": "I did four months at 19, which means my decision making peaked"}, {"start": 38.14, "end": 40.14, "text": "before I could legally drink about it."}, {"start": 40.14, "end": 42.64, "text": "I went to jail before I went to a real bar."}, {"start": 42.64, "end": 45.14, "text": "I had a record before I had a resume."}, {"start": 45.14, "end": 51.6, "text": "Squeaky clean folks come at me, Nigel."}, {"start": 51.6, "end": 54.1, "text": "Jesse, four months in jail at 19,"}, {"start": 54.1, "end": 63.59, "text": "while I was at university, you were earning a degree in regret."}, {"start": 63.59, "end": 66.59, "text": "Nigel, you've never been to jail because you've never had the balls"}, {"start": 66.59, "end": 68.39, "text": "to do anything interesting."}, {"start": 68.39, "end": 69.59, "text": "I caught a felony."}, {"start": 69.59, "end": 71.59, "text": "You caught a participation trophy."}, {"start": 71.69, "end": 79.4, "text": "At least my mugshot had ranged."}, {"start": 79.4, "end": 83.2, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 83.2, "end": 84.8, "text": "Your every man of error?"}, {"start": 84.8, "end": 89.17, "text": "Mickey!"}, {"start": 89.17, "end": 91.57, "text": "I've never been to jail, Jesse,"}, {"start": 91.57, "end": 98.77, "text": "mostly because I'm too broke to even afford a decent crime."}, {"start": 98.77, "end": 101.57, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 101.57, "end": 103.37, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 103.37, "end": 104.37, "text": "Pops!"}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, Ben to jail versus never been to jail. I did four months at 19, which means my decision making peaked before I could legally drink about it. I went to jail before I went to a real bar. I had a record before I had a resume. Squeaky clean folks come at me, Nigel. Jesse, four months in jail at 19, while I was at university, you were earning a degree in regret. Nigel, you've never been to jail because you've never had the balls to do anything interesting. I caught a felony. You caught a participation trophy. At least my mugshot had ranged. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error? Mickey! I've never been to jail, Jesse, mostly because I'm too broke to even afford a decent crime. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops!\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}