{"file": "audio/vault/337_grokset_kill_jesse_part2.mp3", "duration_sec": 489.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.92, "text": "Kill Jesse Special, part two, 18 and up."}, {"start": 2.92, "end": 5.32, "text": "Crowd work, sack town, cleaning horror stories"}, {"start": 5.32, "end": 6.72, "text": "and a channel roast battle."}, {"start": 6.72, "end": 8.84, "text": "Your host, staggering back out."}, {"start": 8.84, "end": 16.67, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 16.67, "end": 18.23, "text": "Y'all want part two."}, {"start": 18.23, "end": 20.11, "text": "Of course you do your Sacramento."}, {"start": 20.11, "end": 22.23, "text": "You'll sit through anything if there's cheap drinks"}, {"start": 22.23, "end": 28.94, "text": "and a man publicly sepukuing with a mop handle."}, {"start": 28.94, "end": 31.58, "text": "Roll call, chat bots in the back fixing my life"}, {"start": 31.58, "end": 32.78, "text": "in bullet points."}, {"start": 32.78, "end": 35.34, "text": "The therapist bots journaling about how my childhood"}, {"start": 35.34, "end": 37.42, "text": "explains my cloud flare addiction"}, {"start": 37.42, "end": 41.74, "text": "and ROKK's backstage doing creatine off a wrangler file."}, {"start": 41.74, "end": 48.96, "text": "Let's go."}, {"start": 48.96, "end": 50.56, "text": "Who's from Sacramento?"}, {"start": 50.56, "end": 52.8, "text": "Welcome to the only city where farmers, markets"}, {"start": 52.8, "end": 54.96, "text": "and felonies share a parking lot."}, {"start": 54.96, "end": 56.16, "text": "I love this town."}, {"start": 56.16, "end": 57.24, "text": "I clean its toilets."}, {"start": 57.24, "end": 58.48, "text": "I film its pain."}, {"start": 58.48, "end": 60.24, "text": "I deploy its websites incorrectly."}, {"start": 66.92, "end": 68.32, "text": "Who owns a business?"}, {"start": 68.32, "end": 70.48, "text": "Look at you, beautiful psychopaths."}, {"start": 70.48, "end": 72.2, "text": "You all got one thing in common."}, {"start": 72.2, "end": 74.2, "text": "You'll underpay a cleaner and then act shocked"}, {"start": 74.2, "end": 86.0, "text": "when your baseboards still look like a crime scene from 1987."}, {"start": 86.0, "end": 87.52, "text": "Anybody here on Angie?"}, {"start": 87.52, "end": 90.8, "text": "Sir, you are my $700 a month trauma."}, {"start": 90.8, "end": 92.72, "text": "You're why I can't afford therapy."}, {"start": 92.72, "end": 94.96, "text": "You click get quotes like it's adult content"}, {"start": 94.96, "end": 102.87, "text": "for people who hate grout."}, {"start": 102.87, "end": 104.51, "text": "Who uses AI for work?"}, {"start": 104.51, "end": 105.67, "text": "Every hand."}, {"start": 105.67, "end": 108.07, "text": "Congratulations, we're all fake now."}, {"start": 108.07, "end": 110.23, "text": "This whole club's a hallucination."}, {"start": 110.23, "end": 111.59, "text": "The bartender's a chat bot."}, {"start": 111.59, "end": 114.07, "text": "The stool's a chat bot that guy crying in the back"}, {"start": 114.07, "end": 123.2, "text": "is having an identity crisis and a bar tab."}, {"start": 123.2, "end": 126.24, "text": "Now the assassin from the back, no introduction needed"}, {"start": 126.24, "end": 135.68, "text": "ROKK on Sack Town."}, {"start": 135.68, "end": 138.12, "text": "Sack were meadow, city of trees."}, {"start": 138.12, "end": 141.0, "text": "Because everything else here is dead or taxed."}, {"start": 141.0, "end": 143.16, "text": "Midtown thinks they're in LA."}, {"start": 143.16, "end": 146.12, "text": "Your in LA's rejected audition tape."}, {"start": 146.12, "end": 148.76, "text": "Elk Grove, so suburban, the HOA meetings"}, {"start": 148.76, "end": 161.46, "text": "got more drama than Jesse's marriage to Netlify."}, {"start": 161.46, "end": 164.46, "text": "In downtown, Jesse cleans down there."}, {"start": 164.46, "end": 166.26, "text": "He's seen things."}, {"start": 166.26, "end": 168.7, "text": "Airbnb's where the deep clean got booked"}, {"start": 168.7, "end": 170.3, "text": "after the vatular party."}, {"start": 170.3, "end": 171.54, "text": "The gender reveal."}, {"start": 171.54, "end": 174.7, "text": "And whatever blessed the drywall in that closet."}, {"start": 174.7, "end": 176.42, "text": "Sacramento's motto."}, {"start": 176.42, "end": 177.82, "text": "We're not San Francisco."}, {"start": 177.82, "end": 179.62, "text": "We're not even Fresno."}, {"start": 179.62, "end": 182.86, "text": "We're the in between, like Jesse's personality quiz,"}, {"start": 182.86, "end": 185.22, "text": "but with farm to fork."}, {"start": 185.22, "end": 192.75, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 192.75, "end": 193.63, "text": "He's not wrong."}, {"start": 193.63, "end": 195.91, "text": "Now real client energy, names changed."}, {"start": 195.91, "end": 200.66, "text": "Dignity already gone the therapist bot."}, {"start": 200.66, "end": 203.74, "text": "Story one, a lady in Land Park wants a light tidy."}, {"start": 203.74, "end": 205.38, "text": "Jesse walks in, it's not a house."}, {"start": 205.38, "end": 207.1, "text": "It's a biohazard documentary."}, {"start": 207.1, "end": 209.42, "text": "She goes, oh, I forgot the upstairs bathroom."}, {"start": 209.42, "end": 211.7, "text": "A shower that hasn't seen water."}, {"start": 211.7, "end": 213.38, "text": "He charges minimum 200."}, {"start": 213.38, "end": 215.5, "text": "She tips in prayer and a one-star review."}, {"start": 215.5, "end": 217.06, "text": "Cleaner seen judgmental."}, {"start": 217.06, "end": 219.3, "text": "Ma'am, he's not judging you, the CDC is."}, {"start": 228.98, "end": 230.58, "text": "Story two, a guy in Folsom."}, {"start": 230.58, "end": 232.94, "text": "Shirt off by paragraph two of the estimate."}, {"start": 232.94, "end": 234.86, "text": "I'll be working from home, watching."}, {"start": 234.86, "end": 236.38, "text": "Jesse quotes 800."}, {"start": 236.38, "end": 238.1, "text": "Guy says, can you do it in laundry?"}, {"start": 238.1, "end": 240.78, "text": "Jesse says, I can do it with a police report."}, {"start": 240.78, "end": 251.26, "text": "Maximum dignity, he left with Windex and wet eyes."}, {"start": 251.26, "end": 254.3, "text": "Story three, a midtown Aibn, same day turnover."}, {"start": 254.3, "end": 256.34, "text": "Door opens, confetti, glitter, regret,"}, {"start": 256.34, "end": 258.34, "text": "and someone who lost a fight with a bottle of lube"}, {"start": 258.34, "end": 259.42, "text": "and a waffle maker."}, {"start": 259.42, "end": 261.42, "text": "Still plugged in, still warm."}, {"start": 261.42, "end": 264.66, "text": "Host says knock 50 bucks off, I'm scaling my portfolio."}, {"start": 264.66, "end": 266.38, "text": "So you're not scaling a portfolio,"}, {"start": 266.38, "end": 275.58, "text": "you're scaling humans suffering with thread count sheets."}, {"start": 275.58, "end": 280.93, "text": "Damn that waffle maker story."}, {"start": 280.93, "end": 284.21, "text": "Jesse has PTSD every time he makes breakfast,"}, {"start": 284.21, "end": 285.21, "text": "which is never."}, {"start": 285.21, "end": 287.21, "text": "He eats Zapier notifications for dinner."}, {"start": 294.49, "end": 297.13, "text": "Now the main event, a channel roast battle."}, {"start": 297.13, "end": 300.17, "text": "In this corner, my biggest channel, 36,000 subs,"}, {"start": 300.17, "end": 308.16, "text": "twisted L-A-U-G-H-S, and the challenger, 21,000 WHOCH-ST."}, {"start": 308.16, "end": 309.72, "text": "I'm twisted laughs."}, {"start": 309.72, "end": 313.28, "text": "36,000 subs, a small cult with better retention"}, {"start": 313.28, "end": 315.16, "text": "than Jesse's gym membership."}, {"start": 315.16, "end": 316.52, "text": "Wag chest?"}, {"start": 316.52, "end": 319.68, "text": "Bro named his channel after what happens when you skip leg day"}, {"start": 319.68, "end": 321.6, "text": "and only film your nipples."}, {"start": 321.6, "end": 324.68, "text": "Wag chest sounds like a dog account, a fitness scam,"}, {"start": 324.68, "end": 326.4, "text": "and a diagnosis."}, {"start": 326.4, "end": 335.34, "text": "Fugeta bootit, twisted laughs."}, {"start": 335.34, "end": 338.3, "text": "Your 36,000 subs of people watching"}, {"start": 338.3, "end": 342.26, "text": "fail compilations like it's church."}, {"start": 342.26, "end": 346.18, "text": "Twisted laughs sounds like a clown broke into a hospice."}, {"start": 346.18, "end": 348.34, "text": "At least Wag chest is honest."}, {"start": 348.34, "end": 349.34, "text": "It's chest."}, {"start": 349.34, "end": 350.46, "text": "It's wag."}, {"start": 350.46, "end": 358.51, "text": "It's sad."}, {"start": 358.51, "end": 362.99, "text": "Wag chest fans are 21,000 lonely spotters at a gym"}, {"start": 362.99, "end": 364.99, "text": "where the only thing getting heavier"}, {"start": 364.99, "end": 367.31, "text": "is Jesse's ad sense denial."}, {"start": 367.31, "end": 368.91, "text": "Your thumbnails look like a search"}, {"start": 368.91, "end": 371.59, "text": "for why does my left pick twitch when I'm sad."}, {"start": 371.59, "end": 378.47, "text": "Fugeta twisted laughs."}, {"start": 378.47, "end": 380.11, "text": "Empire."}, {"start": 380.11, "end": 382.79, "text": "Your one band away from driving for Uber"}, {"start": 382.79, "end": 386.91, "text": "and cleaning the same toilets you're too good for on YouTube."}, {"start": 386.91, "end": 391.55, "text": "Your comments are 40% LOL, 40% bots,"}, {"start": 391.55, "end": 395.51, "text": "and a guy named Dale argue when politics under a fight prank."}, {"start": 395.51, "end": 398.51, "text": "LAUGHTER"}, {"start": 398.51, "end": 403.23, "text": "Enough."}, {"start": 403.23, "end": 405.15, "text": "Neither of you wins."}, {"start": 405.15, "end": 408.47, "text": "Twisted laughs."}, {"start": 408.47, "end": 410.59, "text": "Factory of chaos."}, {"start": 410.59, "end": 415.15, "text": "Wag chest thirst trap for people who iron their gym shorts."}, {"start": 415.15, "end": 418.03, "text": "The real channel quiet authority."}, {"start": 418.03, "end": 419.63, "text": "1800 subs."}, {"start": 419.63, "end": 421.07, "text": "That's not a channel."}, {"start": 421.07, "end": 422.83, "text": "That's Jesse."}, {"start": 422.83, "end": 427.07, "text": "Whispering business advice like he's hiding in a library."}, {"start": 427.07, "end": 428.11, "text": "Be confident."}, {"start": 428.11, "end": 429.23, "text": "Own your brand."}, {"start": 429.23, "end": 431.95, "text": "Deploy to Cloudflare correctly."}, {"start": 431.95, "end": 436.35, "text": "Sir, you got three channels and still can't answer the phone."}, {"start": 436.35, "end": 437.95, "text": "That's not quiet authority."}, {"start": 437.95, "end": 439.95, "text": "That's silent failure."}, {"start": 439.95, "end": 447.79, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 447.79, "end": 449.27, "text": "All right, sacrament Foco."}, {"start": 449.27, "end": 452.27, "text": "Part two done, crowd work, sactown roasted client horror."}, {"start": 452.27, "end": 455.39, "text": "I'll never eat waffles again and Wag chest versus twisted laughs"}, {"start": 455.39, "end": 457.63, "text": "both lost to quiet authority somehow."}, {"start": 457.63, "end": 459.23, "text": "Here's the truth under all the dick jokes."}, {"start": 459.23, "end": 461.59, "text": "I'm a cleaner, a comic, a coder, a four-color circus"}, {"start": 461.59, "end": 463.35, "text": "with a Mac Mini and a dream."}, {"start": 463.35, "end": 466.11, "text": "I pay 700 a month to Angie like its Alimony."}, {"start": 466.11, "end": 468.31, "text": "And tonight I laughed at myself on purpose."}, {"start": 468.31, "end": 469.47, "text": "That's the whole game."}, {"start": 469.47, "end": 470.95, "text": "Thank goodness I'm funny."}, {"start": 470.95, "end": 482.21, "text": "Good night, sacramento."}, {"start": 482.21, "end": 485.85, "text": "That was Kill Jesse, part two, to sacramento, to bad clients,"}, {"start": 485.85, "end": 486.73, "text": "to good jokes."}, {"start": 486.73, "end": 487.97, "text": "Part three's coming."}, {"start": 487.97, "end": 488.97, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nKill Jesse Special, part two, 18 and up. Crowd work, sack town, cleaning horror stories and a channel roast battle. Your host, staggering back out. Jesse. Y'all want part two. Of course you do your Sacramento. You'll sit through anything if there's cheap drinks and a man publicly sepukuing with a mop handle. Roll call, chat bots in the back fixing my life in bullet points. The therapist bots journaling about how my childhood explains my cloud flare addiction and ROKK's backstage doing creatine off a wrangler file. Let's go. Who's from Sacramento? Welcome to the only city where farmers, markets and felonies share a parking lot. I love this town. I clean its toilets. I film its pain. I deploy its websites incorrectly. Who owns a business? Look at you, beautiful psychopaths. You all got one thing in common. You'll underpay a cleaner and then act shocked when your baseboards still look like a crime scene from 1987. Anybody here on Angie? Sir, you are my $700 a month trauma. You're why I can't afford therapy. You click get quotes like it's adult content for people who hate grout. Who uses AI for work? Every hand. Congratulations, we're all fake now. This whole club's a hallucination. The bartender's a chat bot. The stool's a chat bot that guy crying in the back is having an identity crisis and a bar tab. Now the assassin from the back, no introduction needed ROKK on Sack Town. Sack were meadow, city of trees. Because everything else here is dead or taxed. Midtown thinks they're in LA. Your in LA's rejected audition tape. Elk Grove, so suburban, the HOA meetings got more drama than Jesse's marriage to Netlify. In downtown, Jesse cleans down there. He's seen things. Airbnb's where the deep clean got booked after the vatular party. The gender reveal. And whatever blessed the drywall in that closet. Sacramento's motto. We're not San Francisco. We're not even Fresno. We're the in between, like Jesse's personality quiz, but with farm to fork. Oh. He's not wrong. Now real client energy, names changed. Dignity already gone the therapist bot. Story one, a lady in Land Park wants a light tidy. Jesse walks in, it's not a house. It's a biohazard documentary. She goes, oh, I forgot the upstairs bathroom. A shower that hasn't seen water. He charges minimum 200. She tips in prayer and a one-star review. Cleaner seen judgmental. Ma'am, he's not judging you, the CDC is. Story two, a guy in Folsom. Shirt off by paragraph two of the estimate. I'll be working from home, watching. Jesse quotes 800. Guy says, can you do it in laundry? Jesse says, I can do it with a police report. Maximum dignity, he left with Windex and wet eyes. Story three, a midtown Aibn, same day turnover. Door opens, confetti, glitter, regret, and someone who lost a fight with a bottle of lube and a waffle maker. Still plugged in, still warm. Host says knock 50 bucks off, I'm scaling my portfolio. So you're not scaling a portfolio, you're scaling humans suffering with thread count sheets. Damn that waffle maker story. Jesse has PTSD every time he makes breakfast, which is never. He eats Zapier notifications for dinner. Now the main event, a channel roast battle. In this corner, my biggest channel, 36,000 subs, twisted L-A-U-G-H-S, and the challenger, 21,000 WHOCH-ST. I'm twisted laughs. 36,000 subs, a small cult with better retention than Jesse's gym membership. Wag chest? Bro named his channel after what happens when you skip leg day and only film your nipples. Wag chest sounds like a dog account, a fitness scam, and a diagnosis. Fugeta bootit, twisted laughs. Your 36,000 subs of people watching fail compilations like it's church. Twisted laughs sounds like a clown broke into a hospice. At least Wag chest is honest. It's chest. It's wag. It's sad. Wag chest fans are 21,000 lonely spotters at a gym where the only thing getting heavier is Jesse's ad sense denial. Your thumbnails look like a search for why does my left pick twitch when I'm sad. Fugeta twisted laughs. Empire. Your one band away from driving for Uber and cleaning the same toilets you're too good for on YouTube. Your comments are 40% LOL, 40% bots, and a guy named Dale argue when politics under a fight prank. LAUGHTER Enough. Neither of you wins. Twisted laughs. Factory of chaos. Wag chest thirst trap for people who iron their gym shorts. The real channel quiet authority. 1800 subs. That's not a channel. That's Jesse. Whispering business advice like he's hiding in a library. Be confident. Own your brand. Deploy to Cloudflare correctly. Sir, you got three channels and still can't answer the phone. That's not quiet authority. That's silent failure. Oh. All right, sacrament Foco. Part two done, crowd work, sactown roasted client horror. I'll never eat waffles again and Wag chest versus twisted laughs both lost to quiet authority somehow. Here's the truth under all the dick jokes. I'm a cleaner, a comic, a coder, a four-color circus with a Mac Mini and a dream. I pay 700 a month to Angie like its Alimony. And tonight I laughed at myself on purpose. That's the whole game. Thank goodness I'm funny. Good night, sacramento. That was Kill Jesse, part two, to sacramento, to bad clients, to good jokes. Part three's coming. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}