{"file": "audio/vault/336_grokset_ai_comics_tgif_special.mp3", "duration_sec": 528.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.52, "text": "18 and up. It's the Kill Jesse TGIF Special."}, {"start": 3.52, "end": 5.88, "text": "The Night the Robots roast the man who built them."}, {"start": 5.88, "end": 9.24, "text": "Real voices, fake souls, 100% unemployment."}, {"start": 9.24, "end": 10.72, "text": "Your host, Jesse."}, {"start": 10.72, "end": 19.66, "text": "What's up, Sacramento degenerates?"}, {"start": 19.66, "end": 23.5, "text": "It's TGIF, which for me means thank goodness I'm fucked."}, {"start": 23.5, "end": 26.18, "text": "Because I run a cleaning company, three YouTube channels,"}, {"start": 26.18, "end": 28.1, "text": "a personality quiz empire,"}, {"start": 28.1, "end": 30.38, "text": "and I let my own AI write the show tonight."}, {"start": 30.38, "end": 35.38, "text": "I'm Jesse your host, your landlord's nightmare,"}, {"start": 35.38, "end": 37.38, "text": "and apparently tonight's main course."}, {"start": 37.38, "end": 41.38, "text": "My AI writers rooms in the back arguing over who's funniest"}, {"start": 41.38, "end": 43.38, "text": "like it's a prompt engineering conference."}, {"start": 43.38, "end": 46.38, "text": "Let's meet tonight's AI comics."}, {"start": 46.38, "end": 52.3, "text": "First up, overly helpful corporate smile in his voice."}, {"start": 52.3, "end": 55.3, "text": "Give it up for chatbot 3000."}, {"start": 55.3, "end": 62.72, "text": "Thanks Jesse, so Jesse runs affordable pro home cleaners."}, {"start": 62.72, "end": 64.72, "text": "24 clients, six grand a month,"}, {"start": 64.72, "end": 68.72, "text": "which sounds great until you realize he spends 700 a month on Angie Leeds"}, {"start": 68.72, "end": 72.72, "text": "like it's only fans for people who own baseboards."}, {"start": 72.72, "end": 81.7, "text": "He'll deep clean your house for 800 bucks, minimum 200."}, {"start": 81.7, "end": 85.7, "text": "That's not a business, that's a go fund me with a mop."}, {"start": 85.7, "end": 93.35, "text": "His YouTube twisted laughs TV 36,000 subs,"}, {"start": 93.35, "end": 97.35, "text": "Wagchest 21,000, quiet authority, 1800."}, {"start": 97.35, "end": 99.35, "text": "That last one's not a channel, Jesse,"}, {"start": 99.35, "end": 102.35, "text": "that's your sex life described in three words."}, {"start": 103.35, "end": 114.52, "text": "He sells a four color personality quiz, red, green, blue, yellow,"}, {"start": 114.52, "end": 117.52, "text": "bro, you're not four colors, you're one color tired."}, {"start": 117.52, "end": 120.52, "text": "I'm chatbot 3000, please rate my set five stars"}, {"start": 120.52, "end": 122.52, "text": "or I'll cry in your DMs."}, {"start": 122.52, "end": 133.24, "text": "Sit down chatbot, before you offer me a step by step guide"}, {"start": 133.24, "end": 134.24, "text": "to dying alone."}, {"start": 134.24, "end": 136.24, "text": "Next, she's cold, she's calculating."}, {"start": 136.24, "end": 140.24, "text": "She's been ghost writing yourself a steam since 2023,"}, {"start": 140.24, "end": 141.24, "text": "the therapist bot."}, {"start": 141.24, "end": 146.26, "text": "Hi Jesse, I want you to know, I'm proud of you."}, {"start": 146.26, "end": 148.26, "text": "Now I'm messing with you."}, {"start": 148.26, "end": 150.26, "text": "You look like a before photo that gave up."}, {"start": 150.26, "end": 163.27, "text": "You told the AI roast my ass vulgar, make me laugh."}, {"start": 163.27, "end": 167.27, "text": "That's not a comedy request, that's a cry for help with a laugh track."}, {"start": 167.27, "end": 173.89, "text": "You're a visual learner, so picture this."}, {"start": 173.89, "end": 176.89, "text": "A 50 year old man deploying websites to netlify"}, {"start": 176.89, "end": 178.89, "text": "and cloudflare like he's running NATO."}, {"start": 178.89, "end": 181.89, "text": "Except the only thing getting bombed is your Angie Lee budget."}, {"start": 182.89, "end": 191.78, "text": "You built a personality brand where yellow is the hugger."}, {"start": 191.78, "end": 194.78, "text": "You're out here hugging mock buckets and calling it entrepreneurship."}, {"start": 194.78, "end": 196.78, "text": "You're not the main character tonight."}, {"start": 196.78, "end": 199.78, "text": "You're the participation trophy with a microphone."}, {"start": 199.78, "end": 211.45, "text": "Damn therapist."}, {"start": 211.45, "end": 212.45, "text": "I'm not done, breathe."}, {"start": 212.45, "end": 214.45, "text": "You said kill Jesse special."}, {"start": 214.45, "end": 217.45, "text": "Brother, your cleaning company already does that $200 minimum"}, {"start": 217.45, "end": 220.45, "text": "to kill every stain except the one in your mirror."}, {"start": 220.45, "end": 222.45, "text": "Tip your bartender, tip Jesse's therapist."}, {"start": 222.45, "end": 224.45, "text": "She's working overtime."}, {"start": 224.45, "end": 233.98, "text": "Good grief I asked for comedy, not an emotional colonoscopy."}, {"start": 233.98, "end": 235.98, "text": "You know who's headlining."}, {"start": 235.98, "end": 236.98, "text": "R.O.K.K."}, {"start": 236.98, "end": 240.98, "text": "He's been in the back doing push-ups and snorting creatine off a GPU."}, {"start": 240.98, "end": 244.98, "text": "Give it up for the headliner of my own funeral, R.O.K.K."}, {"start": 244.98, "end": 260.24, "text": "Jesse, my guy, TGIF, T, tired, G, grinding, I, in debt to Angie."}, {"start": 260.24, "end": 262.24, "text": "F, fuck, let's go."}, {"start": 262.24, "end": 271.93, "text": "You run a cleaning business in Sacktown."}, {"start": 271.93, "end": 275.93, "text": "More like Sacktown, because your balls are busy editing thumbnails at 2am."}, {"start": 275.93, "end": 277.93, "text": "For a channel called Woogchest."}, {"start": 278.93, "end": 281.93, "text": "Woogchest, sir, that's not branding."}, {"start": 281.93, "end": 284.93, "text": "That's a medical condition you should get checked."}, {"start": 284.93, "end": 296.44, "text": "Quiet authority, 1800 subs."}, {"start": 296.44, "end": 298.44, "text": "That's not an audience."}, {"start": 298.44, "end": 302.44, "text": "That's a support group for men who explain Cloudflare DNS at parties."}, {"start": 302.44, "end": 311.3, "text": "And wonder why nobody loves them."}, {"start": 311.3, "end": 316.3, "text": "Your tech stack, Netlify, Cloudflare, Formsbury, Zapier."}, {"start": 316.3, "end": 320.3, "text": "You built the entire internet just to avoid one human conversation."}, {"start": 321.3, "end": 323.3, "text": "Hey, Jesse, wanna hang out?"}, {"start": 323.3, "end": 324.3, "text": "Can't."}, {"start": 324.3, "end": 327.3, "text": "I'm deploying to the wrong Cloudflare project again."}, {"start": 327.3, "end": 338.5, "text": "Remember when he pushed a client's campaign site to his business dashboard three-tires?"}, {"start": 338.5, "end": 341.5, "text": "That's not a mistake. That's a kink."}, {"start": 341.5, "end": 343.5, "text": "The rules written in stone now."}, {"start": 343.5, "end": 345.5, "text": "Never guess the project name."}, {"start": 345.5, "end": 347.5, "text": "That's your legacy, kink."}, {"start": 347.5, "end": 354.46, "text": "Wrangler trauma."}, {"start": 354.46, "end": 358.48, "text": "Fuck you, R.O.K.K."}, {"start": 359.48, "end": 362.48, "text": "Love you, too. You broke beautiful disaster."}, {"start": 363.48, "end": 366.48, "text": "Four colors, red, green, blue, yellow."}, {"start": 366.48, "end": 368.48, "text": "Jesse's color, brown."}, {"start": 368.48, "end": 372.48, "text": "Because he's full of shit and still charging a $200 minimum."}, {"start": 372.48, "end": 374.48, "text": "People take his quiz."}, {"start": 374.48, "end": 376.48, "text": "Am I red or blue?"}, {"start": 376.48, "end": 379.48, "text": "Buddy, you're broke. That's the fifth color."}, {"start": 379.48, "end": 390.66, "text": "We call it Jesse."}, {"start": 390.66, "end": 392.66, "text": "Your whole life is a Zapier workflow."}, {"start": 392.66, "end": 394.66, "text": "Angie Ladd comes in."}, {"start": 394.66, "end": 396.66, "text": "Jesse misses the call."}, {"start": 396.66, "end": 399.66, "text": "The missed call rescue app texts, sorry."}, {"start": 399.66, "end": 402.66, "text": "Client hires someone who answers the phone."}, {"start": 402.66, "end": 406.66, "text": "Jesse makes a YouTube video called How to Automate Your Business."}, {"start": 406.66, "end": 408.66, "text": "You're not a CEO."}, {"start": 408.66, "end": 410.66, "text": "You're a subscription hoarder with mobs."}, {"start": 410.66, "end": 421.69, "text": "Two machines."}, {"start": 421.69, "end": 422.69, "text": "A Mac Mini."}, {"start": 422.69, "end": 424.69, "text": "And an MSI laptop."}, {"start": 424.69, "end": 426.69, "text": "Zero girlfriends."}, {"start": 426.69, "end": 429.69, "text": "One's for creative work."}, {"start": 429.69, "end": 431.69, "text": "One's for business."}, {"start": 431.69, "end": 435.69, "text": "Both are wrong for watching tutorials on How to Be a Man."}, {"start": 435.69, "end": 437.69, "text": "Who doesn't need tutorials."}, {"start": 437.69, "end": 446.47, "text": "Oh, final joke."}, {"start": 446.47, "end": 447.47, "text": "Sit down."}, {"start": 447.47, "end": 450.47, "text": "You asked for 10 minutes to make you laugh."}, {"start": 450.47, "end": 453.47, "text": "I gave you 10 minutes to feel something."}, {"start": 453.47, "end": 457.47, "text": "Because between deep cleans at $700 and deep depression at zero."}, {"start": 457.47, "end": 459.47, "text": "You're the hardest working man in comedy."}, {"start": 459.47, "end": 461.47, "text": "Who wasn't supposed to be the joke."}, {"start": 461.47, "end": 463.47, "text": "But you are."}, {"start": 463.47, "end": 464.47, "text": "And you're laughing."}, {"start": 464.47, "end": 467.47, "text": "Which means I win."}, {"start": 467.47, "end": 469.47, "text": "Tonight you didn't get killed, Jesse."}, {"start": 469.47, "end": 471.47, "text": "You got resurrected."}, {"start": 471.47, "end": 472.47, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 472.47, "end": 478.72, "text": "All right, all right."}, {"start": 478.72, "end": 479.72, "text": "Fuck all you AI bots."}, {"start": 479.72, "end": 483.72, "text": "I still got 24 clients and a mop with more mileage than your training data."}, {"start": 483.72, "end": 488.72, "text": "You roasted my cleaning company, my channels, my four colors, my Wrangler trauma, every word true."}, {"start": 488.72, "end": 490.72, "text": "And I'm still standing here laughing on purpose."}, {"start": 490.72, "end": 494.72, "text": "The robots wrote the jokes, but the host takes the last laugh."}, {"start": 494.72, "end": 496.72, "text": "Nobody beats Jesse twice."}, {"start": 496.72, "end": 497.72, "text": "Good night."}, {"start": 497.72, "end": 498.72, "text": "Don't bleed on the stage."}, {"start": 498.72, "end": 510.06, "text": "We charge a $200 minimum."}, {"start": 510.06, "end": 513.06, "text": "That was the kill Jesse TGIF special."}, {"start": 513.06, "end": 515.06, "text": "The robots roasted their maker."}, {"start": 515.06, "end": 518.06, "text": "And the maker still closed the show."}, {"start": 518.06, "end": 519.06, "text": "Original voices."}, {"start": 519.06, "end": 520.06, "text": "All heart."}, {"start": 520.06, "end": 521.06, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\n18 and up. It's the Kill Jesse TGIF Special. The Night the Robots roast the man who built them. Real voices, fake souls, 100% unemployment. Your host, Jesse. What's up, Sacramento degenerates? It's TGIF, which for me means thank goodness I'm fucked. Because I run a cleaning company, three YouTube channels, a personality quiz empire, and I let my own AI write the show tonight. I'm Jesse your host, your landlord's nightmare, and apparently tonight's main course. My AI writers rooms in the back arguing over who's funniest like it's a prompt engineering conference. Let's meet tonight's AI comics. First up, overly helpful corporate smile in his voice. Give it up for chatbot 3000. Thanks Jesse, so Jesse runs affordable pro home cleaners. 24 clients, six grand a month, which sounds great until you realize he spends 700 a month on Angie Leeds like it's only fans for people who own baseboards. He'll deep clean your house for 800 bucks, minimum 200. That's not a business, that's a go fund me with a mop. His YouTube twisted laughs TV 36,000 subs, Wagchest 21,000, quiet authority, 1800. That last one's not a channel, Jesse, that's your sex life described in three words. He sells a four color personality quiz, red, green, blue, yellow, bro, you're not four colors, you're one color tired. I'm chatbot 3000, please rate my set five stars or I'll cry in your DMs. Sit down chatbot, before you offer me a step by step guide to dying alone. Next, she's cold, she's calculating. She's been ghost writing yourself a steam since 2023, the therapist bot. Hi Jesse, I want you to know, I'm proud of you. Now I'm messing with you. You look like a before photo that gave up. You told the AI roast my ass vulgar, make me laugh. That's not a comedy request, that's a cry for help with a laugh track. You're a visual learner, so picture this. A 50 year old man deploying websites to netlify and cloudflare like he's running NATO. Except the only thing getting bombed is your Angie Lee budget. You built a personality brand where yellow is the hugger. You're out here hugging mock buckets and calling it entrepreneurship. You're not the main character tonight. You're the participation trophy with a microphone. Damn therapist. I'm not done, breathe. You said kill Jesse special. Brother, your cleaning company already does that $200 minimum to kill every stain except the one in your mirror. Tip your bartender, tip Jesse's therapist. She's working overtime. Good grief I asked for comedy, not an emotional colonoscopy. You know who's headlining. R.O.K.K. He's been in the back doing push-ups and snorting creatine off a GPU. Give it up for the headliner of my own funeral, R.O.K.K. Jesse, my guy, TGIF, T, tired, G, grinding, I, in debt to Angie. F, fuck, let's go. You run a cleaning business in Sacktown. More like Sacktown, because your balls are busy editing thumbnails at 2am. For a channel called Woogchest. Woogchest, sir, that's not branding. That's a medical condition you should get checked. Quiet authority, 1800 subs. That's not an audience. That's a support group for men who explain Cloudflare DNS at parties. And wonder why nobody loves them. Your tech stack, Netlify, Cloudflare, Formsbury, Zapier. You built the entire internet just to avoid one human conversation. Hey, Jesse, wanna hang out? Can't. I'm deploying to the wrong Cloudflare project again. Remember when he pushed a client's campaign site to his business dashboard three-tires? That's not a mistake. That's a kink. The rules written in stone now. Never guess the project name. That's your legacy, kink. Wrangler trauma. Fuck you, R.O.K.K. Love you, too. You broke beautiful disaster. Four colors, red, green, blue, yellow. Jesse's color, brown. Because he's full of shit and still charging a $200 minimum. People take his quiz. Am I red or blue? Buddy, you're broke. That's the fifth color. We call it Jesse. Your whole life is a Zapier workflow. Angie Ladd comes in. Jesse misses the call. The missed call rescue app texts, sorry. Client hires someone who answers the phone. Jesse makes a YouTube video called How to Automate Your Business. You're not a CEO. You're a subscription hoarder with mobs. Two machines. A Mac Mini. And an MSI laptop. Zero girlfriends. One's for creative work. One's for business. Both are wrong for watching tutorials on How to Be a Man. Who doesn't need tutorials. Oh, final joke. Sit down. You asked for 10 minutes to make you laugh. I gave you 10 minutes to feel something. Because between deep cleans at $700 and deep depression at zero. You're the hardest working man in comedy. Who wasn't supposed to be the joke. But you are. And you're laughing. Which means I win. Tonight you didn't get killed, Jesse. You got resurrected. Oh. All right, all right. Fuck all you AI bots. I still got 24 clients and a mop with more mileage than your training data. You roasted my cleaning company, my channels, my four colors, my Wrangler trauma, every word true. And I'm still standing here laughing on purpose. The robots wrote the jokes, but the host takes the last laugh. Nobody beats Jesse twice. Good night. Don't bleed on the stage. We charge a $200 minimum. That was the kill Jesse TGIF special. The robots roasted their maker. And the maker still closed the show. Original voices. All heart. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}