{"file": "audio/vault/32_fathers_day_vs_none.mp3", "duration_sec": 171.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.42, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.42, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 28.02, "text": "Tonight, Father's Day versus No Father's Day."}, {"start": 28.02, "end": 32.32, "text": "And I'm the undefeated champ of No Father's Day, 12 years I haven't had one."}, {"start": 32.32, "end": 37.36, "text": "And before that, my dad celebrated Father's Day the same way he celebrated every other day."}, {"start": 37.36, "end": 39.78, "text": "At a bar with his friends getting drunk."}, {"start": 39.78, "end": 43.82, "text": "So for me, Father's Day was just a Sunday I learned not to wait by the window."}, {"start": 43.82, "end": 50.16, "text": "People with dads come at me, pops."}, {"start": 50.16, "end": 52.32, "text": "Jesse, No Father's Day."}, {"start": 52.32, "end": 61.21, "text": "Even on the calendar, your old man couldn't show up."}, {"start": 61.21, "end": 66.15, "text": "Pops, you got kids who send you a card, a tie, and a phone call they dread."}, {"start": 66.15, "end": 70.35, "text": "I got a dad who, when he was home, was just resting up before the next bar."}, {"start": 70.35, "end": 80.19, "text": "Father's Day at my house was a missing persons report with a barbecue."}, {"start": 80.19, "end": 84.13, "text": "Honey, I got four kids and three of them forget Father's Day even exists."}, {"start": 84.13, "end": 85.93, "text": "So trust me, it's overrated."}, {"start": 85.93, "end": 91.93, "text": "Yours just skipped straight to the disappointment."}, {"start": 91.93, "end": 96.97, "text": "In my family, Father's Day is 40 people and one dad who falls asleep before the gifts."}, {"start": 96.97, "end": 106.97, "text": "Jesse, your dad fell asleep before the whole childhood."}, {"start": 106.97, "end": 111.41, "text": "Jesse, your dad was at the bar so often the stool got a Father's Day card."}, {"start": 117.04, "end": 119.4, "text": "And here's the truth, folks."}, {"start": 119.4, "end": 122.68, "text": "Father's Day used to be the loneliest day of the year for me because it reminded me of"}, {"start": 122.68, "end": 125.88, "text": "a man who was there in body and gone in every other way."}, {"start": 125.88, "end": 126.88, "text": "But you know what?"}, {"start": 126.88, "end": 130.32, "text": "I became the kind of man who shows up, not for a dad who couldn't, but for three dogs"}, {"start": 130.32, "end": 134.52, "text": "a room full of comics and every kid out there who spent Father's Day waiting by a window."}, {"start": 134.52, "end": 135.84, "text": "The windows closed now."}, {"start": 135.84, "end": 137.04, "text": "I built a door."}, {"start": 137.04, "end": 140.96, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh, happy Father's Day to the ones who stayed."}, {"start": 140.96, "end": 143.0, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 143.0, "end": 150.03, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 150.03, "end": 151.19, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 151.19, "end": 152.43, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 152.43, "end": 156.99, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 156.99, "end": 160.19, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 160.19, "end": 165.07, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 165.07, "end": 167.95, "text": "Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 167.95, "end": 169.67, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 169.67, "end": 171.07, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight, Father's Day versus No Father's Day. And I'm the undefeated champ of No Father's Day, 12 years I haven't had one. And before that, my dad celebrated Father's Day the same way he celebrated every other day. At a bar with his friends getting drunk. So for me, Father's Day was just a Sunday I learned not to wait by the window. People with dads come at me, pops. Jesse, No Father's Day. Even on the calendar, your old man couldn't show up. Pops, you got kids who send you a card, a tie, and a phone call they dread. I got a dad who, when he was home, was just resting up before the next bar. Father's Day at my house was a missing persons report with a barbecue. Honey, I got four kids and three of them forget Father's Day even exists. So trust me, it's overrated. Yours just skipped straight to the disappointment. In my family, Father's Day is 40 people and one dad who falls asleep before the gifts. Jesse, your dad fell asleep before the whole childhood. Jesse, your dad was at the bar so often the stool got a Father's Day card. And here's the truth, folks. Father's Day used to be the loneliest day of the year for me because it reminded me of a man who was there in body and gone in every other way. But you know what? I became the kind of man who shows up, not for a dad who couldn't, but for three dogs a room full of comics and every kid out there who spent Father's Day waiting by a window. The windows closed now. I built a door. The hero gets the last laugh, happy Father's Day to the ones who stayed. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}