{"file": "audio/vault/328_codexset_east_vs_west_coast.mp3", "duration_sec": 288.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.6, "text": "The oldest beef in America, 18 and up, no mercy."}, {"start": 3.6, "end": 5.3, "text": "East Coast versus West Coast,"}, {"start": 5.3, "end": 7.4, "text": "settled tonight on the red line stage."}, {"start": 7.4, "end": 17.7, "text": "Your neutral, broke, terrified host, Jesse!"}, {"start": 17.7, "end": 19.8, "text": "Welcome you by Coastal degenerates."}, {"start": 19.8, "end": 22.6, "text": "Tonight, East Coast squad versus West Coast"}, {"start": 22.6, "end": 24.5, "text": "stereotypes on gloves off."}, {"start": 24.5, "end": 27.1, "text": "I'm from Sacramento, so I'm technically West Coast,"}, {"start": 27.1, "end": 30.0, "text": "but I clean toilets, so I'm too broke to be chill."}, {"start": 30.0, "end": 31.5, "text": "Let's fight."}, {"start": 31.9, "end": 33.9, "text": "He's Coast strikes first, Benny."}, {"start": 33.9, "end": 35.9, "text": "What's wrong with the West Coast?"}, {"start": 35.9, "end": 44.92, "text": "Jesse, these West Coast people are soft."}, {"start": 44.92, "end": 46.92, "text": "Somebody cuts them off in traffic,"}, {"start": 46.92, "end": 49.52, "text": "and they go send him love and light."}, {"start": 49.52, "end": 51.52, "text": "Where I'm from, love and light"}, {"start": 51.52, "end": 54.52, "text": "is what you see right before I introduce you face"}, {"start": 54.52, "end": 56.52, "text": "to the dashboard."}, {"start": 56.52, "end": 58.52, "text": "They don't have friends out here."}, {"start": 58.52, "end": 65.32, "text": "They got energies."}, {"start": 65.32, "end": 66.92, "text": "I had to cut them off."}, {"start": 66.92, "end": 68.32, "text": "His vibe was heavy."}, {"start": 68.32, "end": 71.92, "text": "His vibe was heavy, because he owes you 40 bucks."}, {"start": 71.92, "end": 74.92, "text": "You can boot your drink in coward."}, {"start": 74.92, "end": 79.45, "text": "Tony finish them."}, {"start": 79.45, "end": 88.5, "text": "West Coast makes a plan, and it means nothing."}, {"start": 88.5, "end": 90.5, "text": "We should totally hang."}, {"start": 90.5, "end": 91.5, "text": "That's not an invite."}, {"start": 91.5, "end": 94.5, "text": "That's a hostage situation where nobody shows up."}, {"start": 94.5, "end": 97.5, "text": "Out here, a $30 avocado is a personality,"}, {"start": 97.5, "end": 98.5, "text": "and let's circle back."}, {"start": 98.5, "end": 99.5, "text": "Is a goodbye."}, {"start": 99.5, "end": 101.5, "text": "And they're always processing."}, {"start": 101.5, "end": 104.1, "text": "Brother, you're not processing."}, {"start": 104.1, "end": 110.62, "text": "You're a grown man crying in a Tesla outside a juice bar,"}, {"start": 110.62, "end": 112.82, "text": "because your therapist went on vacation."}, {"start": 112.82, "end": 114.62, "text": "West Coast fire back."}, {"start": 114.62, "end": 116.62, "text": "Queen Stank defend the coast."}, {"start": 116.62, "end": 126.69, "text": "Honey, East Coast is just anger with a parking problem."}, {"start": 126.69, "end": 130.68, "text": "Y'all live in a frozen tundra."}, {"start": 130.68, "end": 134.68, "text": "Pay $4,000 a month for a closet with a rat roommate"}, {"start": 134.68, "end": 136.68, "text": "and call that winning."}, {"start": 136.68, "end": 140.68, "text": "Every week, you're going to be a big fan of the West Coast."}, {"start": 141.28, "end": 150.36, "text": "Every one of them yells about pizza like it's a personality."}, {"start": 150.36, "end": 151.56, "text": "It's the water."}, {"start": 151.56, "end": 155.36, "text": "Baby, the water gave you that attitude and that blood pressure."}, {"start": 155.36, "end": 156.96, "text": "Sit down and breathe."}, {"start": 156.96, "end": 165.72, "text": "You honk in meatball."}, {"start": 165.72, "end": 171.64, "text": "Doc Burn diagnosed the East Coast."}, {"start": 171.64, "end": 175.04, "text": "Diagnosis chronic rage with a side of seasonal depression."}, {"start": 175.04, "end": 177.04, "text": "They haven't seen the sun since the flip phone"}, {"start": 177.04, "end": 178.64, "text": "and they take it out on strangers."}, {"start": 178.64, "end": 180.24, "text": "Out here, we're fake nice."}, {"start": 180.24, "end": 182.84, "text": "Back there, they're real mean, and they call that honesty."}, {"start": 183.04, "end": 185.64, "text": "That's not a culture that's untreated frostbite."}, {"start": 192.89, "end": 195.69, "text": "Mickey, bring it home for the West."}, {"start": 195.69, "end": 198.69, "text": "East Coast walks fast and dies mad."}, {"start": 198.69, "end": 201.69, "text": "West Coast walks slow and dies in traffic,"}, {"start": 201.69, "end": 203.89, "text": "but at least we got a smoothie."}, {"start": 203.89, "end": 205.29, "text": "They got the seasons."}, {"start": 205.29, "end": 216.63, "text": "We got the wildfires and the rent and somehow were both broke."}, {"start": 216.63, "end": 220.83, "text": "An East Coast guy will insult your whole family and call it love."}, {"start": 220.83, "end": 223.23, "text": "A West Coast guy will love your whole family"}, {"start": 223.23, "end": 225.03, "text": "and never call you again."}, {"start": 225.03, "end": 226.23, "text": "Pick your poison."}, {"start": 226.23, "end": 228.23, "text": "It's the same funeral."}, {"start": 228.23, "end": 234.67, "text": "Come on."}, {"start": 234.67, "end": 237.27, "text": "Here's the truth, both you beautiful coasts."}, {"start": 237.27, "end": 239.67, "text": "East Coast tells you your garbage to your face."}, {"start": 239.67, "end": 242.47, "text": "West Coast tells you you're amazing and means nothing."}, {"start": 242.47, "end": 244.27, "text": "And right in the middle is Sacramento,"}, {"start": 244.27, "end": 253.62, "text": "where I clean both their vacation homes for a living."}, {"start": 253.62, "end": 255.42, "text": "East Coast's too angry to be happy."}, {"start": 255.42, "end": 257.42, "text": "West Coast's too fake to be honest."}, {"start": 257.42, "end": 258.62, "text": "And I'm too broke to be either."}, {"start": 258.62, "end": 261.62, "text": "So I win by default, you buy coastal disasters."}, {"start": 261.62, "end": 264.02, "text": "Last laughs mine, coast to coast."}, {"start": 264.02, "end": 274.84, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 274.84, "end": 276.64, "text": "East versus West settled."}, {"start": 276.64, "end": 277.64, "text": "Nobody won."}, {"start": 277.64, "end": 279.64, "text": "Everybody's broke and Jesse cleaned up."}, {"start": 279.64, "end": 281.64, "text": "Literally killed Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nThe oldest beef in America, 18 and up, no mercy. East Coast versus West Coast, settled tonight on the red line stage. Your neutral, broke, terrified host, Jesse! Welcome you by Coastal degenerates. Tonight, East Coast squad versus West Coast stereotypes on gloves off. I'm from Sacramento, so I'm technically West Coast, but I clean toilets, so I'm too broke to be chill. Let's fight. He's Coast strikes first, Benny. What's wrong with the West Coast? Jesse, these West Coast people are soft. Somebody cuts them off in traffic, and they go send him love and light. Where I'm from, love and light is what you see right before I introduce you face to the dashboard. They don't have friends out here. They got energies. I had to cut them off. His vibe was heavy. His vibe was heavy, because he owes you 40 bucks. You can boot your drink in coward. Tony finish them. West Coast makes a plan, and it means nothing. We should totally hang. That's not an invite. That's a hostage situation where nobody shows up. Out here, a $30 avocado is a personality, and let's circle back. Is a goodbye. And they're always processing. Brother, you're not processing. You're a grown man crying in a Tesla outside a juice bar, because your therapist went on vacation. West Coast fire back. Queen Stank defend the coast. Honey, East Coast is just anger with a parking problem. Y'all live in a frozen tundra. Pay $4,000 a month for a closet with a rat roommate and call that winning. Every week, you're going to be a big fan of the West Coast. Every one of them yells about pizza like it's a personality. It's the water. Baby, the water gave you that attitude and that blood pressure. Sit down and breathe. You honk in meatball. Doc Burn diagnosed the East Coast. Diagnosis chronic rage with a side of seasonal depression. They haven't seen the sun since the flip phone and they take it out on strangers. Out here, we're fake nice. Back there, they're real mean, and they call that honesty. That's not a culture that's untreated frostbite. Mickey, bring it home for the West. East Coast walks fast and dies mad. West Coast walks slow and dies in traffic, but at least we got a smoothie. They got the seasons. We got the wildfires and the rent and somehow were both broke. An East Coast guy will insult your whole family and call it love. A West Coast guy will love your whole family and never call you again. Pick your poison. It's the same funeral. Come on. Here's the truth, both you beautiful coasts. East Coast tells you your garbage to your face. West Coast tells you you're amazing and means nothing. And right in the middle is Sacramento, where I clean both their vacation homes for a living. East Coast's too angry to be happy. West Coast's too fake to be honest. And I'm too broke to be either. So I win by default, you buy coastal disasters. Last laughs mine, coast to coast. Kill Jesse. East versus West settled. Nobody won. Everybody's broke and Jesse cleaned up. Literally killed Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}