{"file": "audio/vault/323_codexset_news_special_world_ai.mp3", "duration_sec": 293.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.96, "text": "Red Line News Special, World and AI edition, 18 and up."}, {"start": 3.96, "end": 6.04, "text": "Real headlines, sourced and verified,"}, {"start": 6.04, "end": 16.03, "text": "roasted by our own original idiots, anchor Jesse."}, {"start": 16.03, "end": 18.07, "text": "Good evening, you informed degenerates."}, {"start": 18.07, "end": 19.87, "text": "Everything tonight is sourced commentary."}, {"start": 19.87, "end": 22.71, "text": "We reported, then we roast the absurd parts."}, {"start": 22.71, "end": 24.55, "text": "First, straight up, no jokes."}, {"start": 24.55, "end": 26.51, "text": "A deadly earthquake hit Venezuela"}, {"start": 26.51, "end": 28.27, "text": "rescue efforts ongoing."}, {"start": 28.27, "end": 30.79, "text": "We don't roast victims' thoughts are with them."}, {"start": 30.79, "end": 32.83, "text": "The only thing we'll punch at is how slow,"}, {"start": 32.83, "end": 39.44, "text": "disaster bureaucracy moves while real people wait."}, {"start": 39.44, "end": 42.4, "text": "Also reported straight, drone escalation overseas"}, {"start": 42.4, "end": 44.08, "text": "in the Ukraine-Russia conflict."}, {"start": 44.08, "end": 47.04, "text": "We don't cheer war and we don't make up military details."}, {"start": 47.04, "end": 48.72, "text": "That's the news respectfully."}, {"start": 48.72, "end": 50.32, "text": "Now, the absurd stuff."}, {"start": 55.58, "end": 59.1, "text": "Verified, there's a fight over digital services taxes."}, {"start": 59.1, "end": 61.38, "text": "A hundred percent tear-up threat over countries"}, {"start": 61.38, "end": 62.7, "text": "taxing the internet."}, {"start": 62.7, "end": 67.46, "text": "Professor."}, {"start": 67.46, "end": 69.94, "text": "Statistically, the internet became a toll road,"}, {"start": 69.94, "end": 72.02, "text": "and now every country wants the booth."}, {"start": 72.02, "end": 74.78, "text": "We invented a place with no borders and immediately"}, {"start": 74.78, "end": 75.94, "text": "built customs."}, {"start": 75.94, "end": 87.74, "text": "Humanity sees a free thing and goes, how do we put a gate on it?"}, {"start": 87.74, "end": 95.17, "text": "Verified a brutal heat wave is cooking Europe, Queen's Tank."}, {"start": 95.17, "end": 98.45, "text": "Honey, it's 110 degrees, and people are still out here"}, {"start": 98.45, "end": 100.73, "text": "pretending summer is nice."}, {"start": 100.73, "end": 103.65, "text": "Checking a weather app like it's gonna negotiate."}, {"start": 103.65, "end": 107.37, "text": "The app says, feels like 115, baby."}, {"start": 107.37, "end": 110.17, "text": "It feels like regret with humidity."}, {"start": 110.53, "end": 111.53, "text": "Yeah."}, {"start": 111.53, "end": 119.72, "text": "Hey, I news now."}, {"start": 119.72, "end": 121.8, "text": "Verified, Codex remote went live."}, {"start": 121.8, "end": 123.68, "text": "Your computer can run off your phone."}, {"start": 123.68, "end": 129.66, "text": "Marcus."}, {"start": 129.66, "end": 132.54, "text": "Jesse, my computer can work from my phone now."}, {"start": 132.54, "end": 135.94, "text": "So my procrastination finally has multi-device support."}, {"start": 135.94, "end": 139.34, "text": "I can disappoint myself in the living room and the bathroom."}, {"start": 139.34, "end": 141.9, "text": "Seemlessly, the robot's working overtime."}, {"start": 141.9, "end": 145.02, "text": "And I'm watching it from bed like a proud, useless dad."}, {"start": 145.14, "end": 156.66, "text": "Verified, the new Claude code update makes the AI"}, {"start": 156.66, "end": 159.06, "text": "ask permission before it does something dumb."}, {"start": 159.06, "end": 163.97, "text": "Doc Burn."}, {"start": 163.97, "end": 167.17, "text": "Diagnosis, the robot now asks permission before doing something"}, {"start": 167.17, "end": 170.17, "text": "stupid at 2 a.m., which officially makes it more mature"}, {"start": 170.17, "end": 171.21, "text": "than Jesse."}, {"start": 171.21, "end": 173.09, "text": "The machine has impulse control."}, {"start": 173.09, "end": 186.83, "text": "Jesse has a haunted stove and nine ring pop receipts."}, {"start": 186.83, "end": 190.51, "text": "Verified, a White House order is pushing AI into cyber defense."}, {"start": 190.51, "end": 193.59, "text": "AI defending hospitals and power grids now."}, {"start": 193.59, "end": 198.33, "text": "Mickey."}, {"start": 198.33, "end": 202.17, "text": "Bro AI went from writing poems to defending hospitals."}, {"start": 202.17, "end": 204.17, "text": "It's protecting the power grid."}, {"start": 204.17, "end": 207.21, "text": "And I still can't defend my downloads folder."}, {"start": 207.21, "end": 212.05, "text": "It's got 4,000 files named Final Final Real 2."}, {"start": 212.05, "end": 213.69, "text": "That's M.Y. cyber threat."}, {"start": 213.69, "end": 225.46, "text": "And it's coming from inside the laptop."}, {"start": 225.46, "end": 228.18, "text": "And one we're flagging as likely not confirmed."}, {"start": 228.18, "end": 232.1, "text": "Intelligence groups warning AI cyber threats could ramp up soon."}, {"start": 232.1, "end": 234.1, "text": "We're not gonna fake certainty on that."}, {"start": 234.1, "end": 236.78, "text": "Henry on our Intel desk would have my ass."}, {"start": 236.78, "end": 239.58, "text": "We report it as a maybe because lying with confidence"}, {"start": 239.58, "end": 247.57, "text": "is how people get sued."}, {"start": 247.57, "end": 250.25, "text": "Here's the red line truth, you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 250.25, "end": 251.61, "text": "I'm not even a real comic."}, {"start": 251.61, "end": 254.33, "text": "I'm a comedy fan who turns the days verified madness"}, {"start": 254.33, "end": 257.69, "text": "into original jokes with a bench of robots I built myself."}, {"start": 257.69, "end": 260.29, "text": "No clones, no fakes, no stolen voices."}, {"start": 260.29, "end": 262.61, "text": "The world's on fire, the AI wants a badge"}, {"start": 262.61, "end": 264.69, "text": "and we're overhear laughing on purpose."}, {"start": 264.69, "end": 268.01, "text": "That's lower risk more defensible in a hell of a lot funnier."}, {"start": 268.01, "end": 270.17, "text": "Big thanks to Henry keeping us honest."}, {"start": 270.17, "end": 281.2, "text": "Last laugh's mine."}, {"start": 281.2, "end": 282.88, "text": "That's the red line news special,"}, {"start": 282.88, "end": 284.72, "text": "sourced, original and proud of it."}, {"start": 284.72, "end": 285.72, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nRed Line News Special, World and AI edition, 18 and up. Real headlines, sourced and verified, roasted by our own original idiots, anchor Jesse. Good evening, you informed degenerates. Everything tonight is sourced commentary. We reported, then we roast the absurd parts. First, straight up, no jokes. A deadly earthquake hit Venezuela rescue efforts ongoing. We don't roast victims' thoughts are with them. The only thing we'll punch at is how slow, disaster bureaucracy moves while real people wait. Also reported straight, drone escalation overseas in the Ukraine-Russia conflict. We don't cheer war and we don't make up military details. That's the news respectfully. Now, the absurd stuff. Verified, there's a fight over digital services taxes. A hundred percent tear-up threat over countries taxing the internet. Professor. Statistically, the internet became a toll road, and now every country wants the booth. We invented a place with no borders and immediately built customs. Humanity sees a free thing and goes, how do we put a gate on it? Verified a brutal heat wave is cooking Europe, Queen's Tank. Honey, it's 110 degrees, and people are still out here pretending summer is nice. Checking a weather app like it's gonna negotiate. The app says, feels like 115, baby. It feels like regret with humidity. Yeah. Hey, I news now. Verified, Codex remote went live. Your computer can run off your phone. Marcus. Jesse, my computer can work from my phone now. So my procrastination finally has multi-device support. I can disappoint myself in the living room and the bathroom. Seemlessly, the robot's working overtime. And I'm watching it from bed like a proud, useless dad. Verified, the new Claude code update makes the AI ask permission before it does something dumb. Doc Burn. Diagnosis, the robot now asks permission before doing something stupid at 2 a.m., which officially makes it more mature than Jesse. The machine has impulse control. Jesse has a haunted stove and nine ring pop receipts. Verified, a White House order is pushing AI into cyber defense. AI defending hospitals and power grids now. Mickey. Bro AI went from writing poems to defending hospitals. It's protecting the power grid. And I still can't defend my downloads folder. It's got 4,000 files named Final Final Real 2. That's M.Y. cyber threat. And it's coming from inside the laptop. And one we're flagging as likely not confirmed. Intelligence groups warning AI cyber threats could ramp up soon. We're not gonna fake certainty on that. Henry on our Intel desk would have my ass. We report it as a maybe because lying with confidence is how people get sued. Here's the red line truth, you beautiful disasters. I'm not even a real comic. I'm a comedy fan who turns the days verified madness into original jokes with a bench of robots I built myself. No clones, no fakes, no stolen voices. The world's on fire, the AI wants a badge and we're overhear laughing on purpose. That's lower risk more defensible in a hell of a lot funnier. Big thanks to Henry keeping us honest. Last laugh's mine. That's the red line news special, sourced, original and proud of it. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}