{"file": "audio/vault/31_budweiser_years_dad.mp3", "duration_sec": 181.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.42, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.42, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.32, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 25.32, "end": 26.76, "text": "Tonight gets personal folks."}, {"start": 26.76, "end": 29.76, "text": "I tell people I grew up with two brothers, me and Bud Weiser,"}, {"start": 29.76, "end": 31.88, "text": "and my dad loved Bud Weiser more."}, {"start": 31.88, "end": 35.8, "text": "My dad drank so much bud the Clydesdale sent a sympathy card."}, {"start": 35.8, "end": 37.68, "text": "People ask about me and my old man."}, {"start": 37.68, "end": 38.92, "text": "We were real close."}, {"start": 38.92, "end": 40.56, "text": "Me, him, and a 12-pack."}, {"start": 40.56, "end": 42.72, "text": "Only two of us ever made it to the end of the night"}, {"start": 42.72, "end": 61.15, "text": "and it was never me and him."}, {"start": 61.15, "end": 63.79, "text": "Having an alcoholic dad is great, by the way."}, {"start": 63.79, "end": 66.39, "text": "You learn to read a room before you can read a book."}, {"start": 66.39, "end": 68.99, "text": "I learned to tiptoe before I learned to walk."}, {"start": 68.99, "end": 70.31, "text": "You don't grow up in that house."}, {"start": 70.31, "end": 71.67, "text": "You audition for it."}, {"start": 71.67, "end": 73.71, "text": "Other kids waited up for Santa."}, {"start": 73.71, "end": 80.23, "text": "I waited up to make sure dad made it up the stairs."}, {"start": 80.23, "end": 86.84, "text": "Shit."}, {"start": 86.84, "end": 89.04, "text": "Jesse, your dad had a designated driver."}, {"start": 89.04, "end": 96.07, "text": "It was guilt."}, {"start": 96.07, "end": 98.51, "text": "People say your dad did the best he could."}, {"start": 98.51, "end": 101.07, "text": "Yeah, the best a six-pack would let him."}, {"start": 101.07, "end": 103.67, "text": "His whole love language was we don't talk about it."}, {"start": 103.67, "end": 106.07, "text": "Father's son bonding was me hiding his keys"}, {"start": 106.07, "end": 107.83, "text": "and him hiding the bottles."}, {"start": 107.83, "end": 120.31, "text": "And the bottle raised you more than he did."}, {"start": 120.31, "end": 127.63, "text": "At least the bottle was consistent."}, {"start": 127.63, "end": 129.95, "text": "And here's the truth, you beautiful Rex."}, {"start": 129.95, "end": 132.23, "text": "When my dad died, he left me his phone number."}, {"start": 132.27, "end": 134.19, "text": "It's the most he ever gave me sober."}, {"start": 134.19, "end": 136.23, "text": "To every kid out there with an alcoholic dad,"}, {"start": 136.23, "end": 136.91, "text": "it ain't your fault."}, {"start": 136.91, "end": 139.51, "text": "It never was and the bottle was always gonna win that one."}, {"start": 139.51, "end": 140.63, "text": "But I got sober."}, {"start": 140.63, "end": 142.39, "text": "So the bottle stops with me."}, {"start": 142.39, "end": 144.75, "text": "I broke the cycle and I turned 18 years of pain"}, {"start": 144.75, "end": 145.63, "text": "into a microphone."}, {"start": 145.63, "end": 147.55, "text": "That's why the hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 147.55, "end": 149.27, "text": "For all of us, this is Red Line."}, {"start": 149.27, "end": 150.71, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 150.71, "end": 160.29, "text": "Good night, dad."}, {"start": 160.29, "end": 161.57, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 161.57, "end": 162.81, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 162.81, "end": 166.21, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse Special"}, {"start": 166.21, "end": 167.41, "text": "four times a month."}, {"start": 167.41, "end": 170.57, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 170.57, "end": 172.61, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after."}, {"start": 172.61, "end": 175.41, "text": "Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 175.41, "end": 178.29, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 178.29, "end": 180.01, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 180.01, "end": 181.85, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse. Tonight gets personal folks. I tell people I grew up with two brothers, me and Bud Weiser, and my dad loved Bud Weiser more. My dad drank so much bud the Clydesdale sent a sympathy card. People ask about me and my old man. We were real close. Me, him, and a 12-pack. Only two of us ever made it to the end of the night and it was never me and him. Having an alcoholic dad is great, by the way. You learn to read a room before you can read a book. I learned to tiptoe before I learned to walk. You don't grow up in that house. You audition for it. Other kids waited up for Santa. I waited up to make sure dad made it up the stairs. Shit. Jesse, your dad had a designated driver. It was guilt. People say your dad did the best he could. Yeah, the best a six-pack would let him. His whole love language was we don't talk about it. Father's son bonding was me hiding his keys and him hiding the bottles. And the bottle raised you more than he did. At least the bottle was consistent. And here's the truth, you beautiful Rex. When my dad died, he left me his phone number. It's the most he ever gave me sober. To every kid out there with an alcoholic dad, it ain't your fault. It never was and the bottle was always gonna win that one. But I got sober. So the bottle stops with me. I broke the cycle and I turned 18 years of pain into a microphone. That's why the hero gets the last laugh. For all of us, this is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. Good night, dad. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse Special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after. Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}