{"file": "audio/vault/319_codexset_latenight_real_shit_tgif.mp3", "duration_sec": 337.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.36, "text": "It's late, it's Friday, and the world is a scam"}, {"start": 2.36, "end": 4.48, "text": "with a subscription fee, 18 and up."}, {"start": 4.48, "end": 6.84, "text": "Red line late night, the real shit addition."}, {"start": 6.84, "end": 8.52, "text": "Your host, broke and awake."}, {"start": 8.52, "end": 16.21, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 16.21, "end": 18.09, "text": "What's up, you tired mother fuckers?"}, {"start": 18.09, "end": 21.13, "text": "It's TGIF, and I'm here to talk about the real shit,"}, {"start": 21.13, "end": 24.17, "text": "the everyday bullshit that's slowly killing all of us."}, {"start": 24.17, "end": 28.98, "text": "Let's go."}, {"start": 28.98, "end": 31.82, "text": "Groceries, man, I went to the store with 20 bucks"}, {"start": 31.82, "end": 34.42, "text": "and came home with an onion and an apology."}, {"start": 34.42, "end": 36.58, "text": "Eggs cost more than my car payment."}, {"start": 36.58, "end": 45.42, "text": "I don't buy eggs anymore, I finance them."}, {"start": 45.42, "end": 48.02, "text": "And everywhere you go now, the little screen spins around,"}, {"start": 48.02, "end": 51.3, "text": "you bought a coffee and it's asking for a 20% tip."}, {"start": 51.3, "end": 52.3, "text": "For what?"}, {"start": 52.3, "end": 54.5, "text": "You turned around, that's not service,"}, {"start": 54.5, "end": 64.19, "text": "that's a stick up with an iPad."}, {"start": 64.19, "end": 66.27, "text": "Self checkouts the biggest con of all."}, {"start": 66.27, "end": 68.75, "text": "I'm scanning, I'm bagging, I'm doing the whole job,"}, {"start": 68.75, "end": 70.19, "text": "where's my paycheck?"}, {"start": 70.19, "end": 72.55, "text": "Unexpected item in the bagging area."}, {"start": 72.55, "end": 81.45, "text": "Yeah, it's my will to live, Brenda, ring it up."}, {"start": 81.45, "end": 84.57, "text": "The only person who calls my phone anymore is a scammer."}, {"start": 84.57, "end": 87.09, "text": "And honestly, at least he's consistent."}, {"start": 87.09, "end": 89.29, "text": "He checks in more than my own family."}, {"start": 89.29, "end": 91.61, "text": "Last week he said we've been trying to reach you,"}, {"start": 91.61, "end": 103.73, "text": "finally somebody's trying."}, {"start": 103.73, "end": 106.53, "text": "I'm paying for subscriptions I forgot I have."}, {"start": 106.53, "end": 109.45, "text": "I got charged $9.99 for an app I downloaded"}, {"start": 109.45, "end": 112.49, "text": "during an emotional episode in 2022."}, {"start": 112.49, "end": 122.04, "text": "That's not a service, that's a hostage I keep feeding."}, {"start": 122.04, "end": 125.08, "text": "I got 12 streaming services and nothing to watch."}, {"start": 125.08, "end": 128.28, "text": "12, I spend 40 minutes scrolling, get overwhelmed"}, {"start": 128.28, "end": 130.6, "text": "and put on a show of scene six times."}, {"start": 130.6, "end": 133.32, "text": "I don't have entertainment, I have a part-time job called"}, {"start": 133.32, "end": 142.13, "text": "Deciding."}, {"start": 142.13, "end": 144.81, "text": "And now they crack down on password sharing."}, {"start": 144.81, "end": 146.61, "text": "I got a proof I live in my own house"}, {"start": 146.61, "end": 148.85, "text": "to watch a robot fall in love."}, {"start": 148.85, "end": 151.05, "text": "The streaming service knows my address better"}, {"start": 151.05, "end": 152.85, "text": "than my landlord."}, {"start": 152.85, "end": 160.62, "text": "Everything's AI now."}, {"start": 160.62, "end": 163.38, "text": "My toothbrush has AI, my fridge has AI meanwhile"}, {"start": 163.38, "end": 165.22, "text": "I got a supercomputer at home."}, {"start": 165.22, "end": 167.46, "text": "And the smartest thing in the house is still the dog"}, {"start": 167.46, "end": 175.8, "text": "who knows when it's 6am."}, {"start": 175.8, "end": 178.16, "text": "Technology was supposed to connect us."}, {"start": 178.16, "end": 181.24, "text": "Now I can be ignored in real time across five platforms"}, {"start": 181.24, "end": 182.72, "text": "simultaneously."}, {"start": 182.72, "end": 186.32, "text": "She left me on read on text, on the app, and on email."}, {"start": 186.32, "end": 197.03, "text": "That's not rejection, that's a coordinated attack."}, {"start": 197.03, "end": 199.11, "text": "You ever call your insurance company?"}, {"start": 199.11, "end": 202.03, "text": "Press one to die, press two to die slower."}, {"start": 202.03, "end": 205.75, "text": "45 minutes on hold to hear, your call is important to us."}, {"start": 205.75, "end": 207.35, "text": "If I was important you'd pick up."}, {"start": 207.35, "end": 220.14, "text": "You heartless elevator music bastards."}, {"start": 220.14, "end": 221.82, "text": "Healthcare in this country is amazed"}, {"start": 221.82, "end": 223.66, "text": "designed by a man who hates you."}, {"start": 223.66, "end": 227.22, "text": "I got a bill that said this is not a bill, then a bill."}, {"start": 227.22, "end": 228.78, "text": "Then a bill for the first bill."}, {"start": 228.78, "end": 229.82, "text": "I'm not sick anymore."}, {"start": 229.82, "end": 238.11, "text": "I'm just in debt with symptoms."}, {"start": 238.11, "end": 241.63, "text": "And social media, everybody's living their best life."}, {"start": 241.63, "end": 244.11, "text": "Vacations, abs, engagements."}, {"start": 244.11, "end": 246.35, "text": "Meanwhile I'm watching it from my couch in a shirt"}, {"start": 246.35, "end": 248.71, "text": "I've worn since Tuesday, clapping for people"}, {"start": 248.71, "end": 250.51, "text": "I went to high school with like."}, {"start": 250.51, "end": 259.38, "text": "Good for you, Brittany, your boat looks great."}, {"start": 259.38, "end": 261.34, "text": "Dating apps are the same scam."}, {"start": 261.34, "end": 263.78, "text": "Everybody's fluent in sarcasm and looking"}, {"start": 263.78, "end": 265.82, "text": "for their partner in crime."}, {"start": 265.82, "end": 269.14, "text": "Lady, the only crime here is what you did to that filter."}, {"start": 269.14, "end": 280.76, "text": "I matched with a sunset and a dog and somehow still got ghosted."}, {"start": 280.76, "end": 283.48, "text": "They tell us live in the moment, which moment?"}, {"start": 283.48, "end": 287.76, "text": "I got 47 tabs open, three AI bots arguing a tip screen judging"}, {"start": 287.76, "end": 289.76, "text": "me and a robocall on hold."}, {"start": 289.76, "end": 297.95, "text": "The moment is buffering brother."}, {"start": 297.95, "end": 299.39, "text": "Here's the real shit though."}, {"start": 299.39, "end": 302.07, "text": "We're all broke, tired, overcharged and ignored,"}, {"start": 302.07, "end": 304.47, "text": "but we're in it together laughing at midnight instead"}, {"start": 304.47, "end": 306.63, "text": "of crying in a self checkout line."}, {"start": 306.63, "end": 308.19, "text": "That's the red line."}, {"start": 308.19, "end": 311.15, "text": "Same time next Friday, you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 311.15, "end": 313.07, "text": "Last laughs mine and it's the only thing"}, {"start": 313.07, "end": 325.06, "text": "they ain't figured out how to charge me for yet."}, {"start": 325.06, "end": 326.66, "text": "That's red line late night."}, {"start": 326.66, "end": 328.74, "text": "Cancel a subscription, hug a stranger."}, {"start": 328.74, "end": 329.74, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIt's late, it's Friday, and the world is a scam with a subscription fee, 18 and up. Red line late night, the real shit addition. Your host, broke and awake. Jesse. What's up, you tired mother fuckers? It's TGIF, and I'm here to talk about the real shit, the everyday bullshit that's slowly killing all of us. Let's go. Groceries, man, I went to the store with 20 bucks and came home with an onion and an apology. Eggs cost more than my car payment. I don't buy eggs anymore, I finance them. And everywhere you go now, the little screen spins around, you bought a coffee and it's asking for a 20% tip. For what? You turned around, that's not service, that's a stick up with an iPad. Self checkouts the biggest con of all. I'm scanning, I'm bagging, I'm doing the whole job, where's my paycheck? Unexpected item in the bagging area. Yeah, it's my will to live, Brenda, ring it up. The only person who calls my phone anymore is a scammer. And honestly, at least he's consistent. He checks in more than my own family. Last week he said we've been trying to reach you, finally somebody's trying. I'm paying for subscriptions I forgot I have. I got charged $9.99 for an app I downloaded during an emotional episode in 2022. That's not a service, that's a hostage I keep feeding. I got 12 streaming services and nothing to watch. 12, I spend 40 minutes scrolling, get overwhelmed and put on a show of scene six times. I don't have entertainment, I have a part-time job called Deciding. And now they crack down on password sharing. I got a proof I live in my own house to watch a robot fall in love. The streaming service knows my address better than my landlord. Everything's AI now. My toothbrush has AI, my fridge has AI meanwhile I got a supercomputer at home. And the smartest thing in the house is still the dog who knows when it's 6am. Technology was supposed to connect us. Now I can be ignored in real time across five platforms simultaneously. She left me on read on text, on the app, and on email. That's not rejection, that's a coordinated attack. You ever call your insurance company? Press one to die, press two to die slower. 45 minutes on hold to hear, your call is important to us. If I was important you'd pick up. You heartless elevator music bastards. Healthcare in this country is amazed designed by a man who hates you. I got a bill that said this is not a bill, then a bill. Then a bill for the first bill. I'm not sick anymore. I'm just in debt with symptoms. And social media, everybody's living their best life. Vacations, abs, engagements. Meanwhile I'm watching it from my couch in a shirt I've worn since Tuesday, clapping for people I went to high school with like. Good for you, Brittany, your boat looks great. Dating apps are the same scam. Everybody's fluent in sarcasm and looking for their partner in crime. Lady, the only crime here is what you did to that filter. I matched with a sunset and a dog and somehow still got ghosted. They tell us live in the moment, which moment? I got 47 tabs open, three AI bots arguing a tip screen judging me and a robocall on hold. The moment is buffering brother. Here's the real shit though. We're all broke, tired, overcharged and ignored, but we're in it together laughing at midnight instead of crying in a self checkout line. That's the red line. Same time next Friday, you beautiful disasters. Last laughs mine and it's the only thing they ain't figured out how to charge me for yet. That's red line late night. Cancel a subscription, hug a stranger. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}