{"file": "audio/vault/318_codexset_everyone_gets_roasted_tgif.mp3", "duration_sec": 287.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.76, "text": "It's after midnight, it's TGIF, and we're working over time."}, {"start": 3.76, "end": 6.28, "text": "18 and up, hardcore, no survivors."}, {"start": 6.28, "end": 8.88, "text": "The red line everybody gets roasted open mic."}, {"start": 8.88, "end": 19.23, "text": "Tonight nobody's safe, not even each other, your host, Jesse."}, {"start": 19.23, "end": 21.03, "text": "Welcome you filthy animals."}, {"start": 21.03, "end": 22.75, "text": "Quick math before the bloodshed."}, {"start": 22.75, "end": 26.79, "text": "To beat Killtoni, we need 19,000 more three-minute blogs."}, {"start": 26.79, "end": 28.19, "text": "19,000."}, {"start": 28.19, "end": 30.95, "text": "So tonight everybody roasts everybody, and if you bomb,"}, {"start": 30.95, "end": 38.48, "text": "you're still content, now shut up and let's go."}, {"start": 38.48, "end": 47.5, "text": "Benny open us up and roast somebody that ain't me for once."}, {"start": 47.5, "end": 48.62, "text": "Gladly."}, {"start": 48.62, "end": 49.74, "text": "Doc Bunn."}, {"start": 49.74, "end": 51.82, "text": "You call yourself a doctor?"}, {"start": 51.82, "end": 55.58, "text": "The only thing you ever cured was a room of its good mood."}, {"start": 55.58, "end": 59.06, "text": "You degrees from the same place Jesse got his credit score."}, {"start": 59.06, "end": 60.66, "text": "Imaginary."}, {"start": 60.66, "end": 69.44, "text": "LAUGHTER"}, {"start": 69.44, "end": 74.42, "text": "Oh doc, you talking that?"}, {"start": 74.42, "end": 75.82, "text": "Benny, you greasy bastard."}, {"start": 75.82, "end": 76.82, "text": "You've been the headliner."}, {"start": 76.82, "end": 79.58, "text": "So long you materials got a senior discount."}, {"start": 79.58, "end": 82.5, "text": "And Jesse, before you laugh, your whole life's a deep clean"}, {"start": 82.5, "end": 95.05, "text": "that never reached the bedroom."}, {"start": 95.05, "end": 98.05, "text": "Hey, leave me out the actually no, keep going its content."}, {"start": 98.05, "end": 102.12, "text": "Queen Stank."}, {"start": 102.12, "end": 105.6, "text": "Doc, sit down with your clipboard and your three patients."}, {"start": 105.6, "end": 109.52, "text": "And Benny, honey, you got the sex appeal of a parked car."}, {"start": 109.52, "end": 112.52, "text": "Meanwhile Jesse over here proposed nine times"}, {"start": 112.52, "end": 115.72, "text": "to women who could smell the broke through the phone."}, {"start": 115.72, "end": 116.92, "text": "Yeah."}, {"start": 116.92, "end": 123.88, "text": "LAUGHTER"}, {"start": 123.88, "end": 125.56, "text": "That's accurate and it hurts."}, {"start": 125.56, "end": 131.74, "text": "Diesel, clean it up or dirty it up, I don't care."}, {"start": 131.74, "end": 133.98, "text": "Queen, you're roast everybody."}, {"start": 133.98, "end": 138.42, "text": "Because your kindness jar has been empty since the divorce."}, {"start": 138.42, "end": 141.06, "text": "Big mama, don't laugh."}, {"start": 141.06, "end": 143.82, "text": "Your purse has its own zip code."}, {"start": 143.82, "end": 147.54, "text": "And Jesse, your AI command center is just anxiety"}, {"start": 147.54, "end": 148.82, "text": "with a staff."}, {"start": 148.82, "end": 149.9, "text": "You broke wizard."}, {"start": 149.9, "end": 153.33, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 153.33, "end": 160.02, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 160.02, "end": 162.18, "text": "My machines are judging me, that's fair."}, {"start": 162.18, "end": 166.89, "text": "Big mama, you've been called out."}, {"start": 166.89, "end": 169.29, "text": "Diesel baby, you so dense the only thing thinner"}, {"start": 169.29, "end": 170.97, "text": "than your neck is your resume."}, {"start": 170.97, "end": 174.81, "text": "And Jesse, three dogs, no woman, clean and cat houses."}, {"start": 174.81, "end": 178.17, "text": "You out here living a furry soap opera with no season finale."}, {"start": 178.17, "end": 180.17, "text": "LAUGHTER"}, {"start": 180.17, "end": 182.17, "text": "LAUGHTER"}, {"start": 182.17, "end": 190.01, "text": "It's true I'm a telenovela nobody renewed."}, {"start": 190.01, "end": 195.36, "text": "Professor bring the brains to this stupidity."}, {"start": 195.36, "end": 197.8, "text": "Statistically, this entire room is a cry for help"}, {"start": 197.8, "end": 199.36, "text": "with a two drink minimum."}, {"start": 199.36, "end": 201.16, "text": "Big mama's purse is a felony."}, {"start": 201.16, "end": 203.12, "text": "Diesel's a coat rack with opinions."}, {"start": 203.12, "end": 205.76, "text": "And Jesse, your empire is a man, a mop,"}, {"start": 205.76, "end": 216.3, "text": "and a servo bill he's afraid to open."}, {"start": 216.3, "end": 223.1, "text": "He read everybody, wild man, finish him."}, {"start": 223.1, "end": 224.66, "text": "You're all the same."}, {"start": 224.66, "end": 227.9, "text": "Broke, loud, unloved."}, {"start": 227.9, "end": 231.74, "text": "That's why we're here at midnight instead of home."}, {"start": 231.74, "end": 233.82, "text": "Oh, we don't do comedy."}, {"start": 233.82, "end": 238.3, "text": "We do group therapy with a two drink minimum and no license."}, {"start": 238.3, "end": 252.22, "text": "Oh, and I love every damn one of you."}, {"start": 252.22, "end": 253.58, "text": "And that's the show."}, {"start": 253.58, "end": 255.02, "text": "Everybody roasted everybody."}, {"start": 255.02, "end": 259.02, "text": "Nobody got paid and we knocked out one more block of the 19,000."}, {"start": 259.02, "end": 260.14, "text": "We're common for you."}, {"start": 260.14, "end": 263.74, "text": "Killed Tony, one filthy three-minute massacre at a time."}, {"start": 263.74, "end": 276.05, "text": "Last laugh's mine, you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 276.05, "end": 277.57, "text": "19,000 to go."}, {"start": 277.57, "end": 279.49, "text": "Sleep fast. We're back in two hours."}, {"start": 279.49, "end": 281.25, "text": "Killed Jesse!"}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIt's after midnight, it's TGIF, and we're working over time. 18 and up, hardcore, no survivors. The red line everybody gets roasted open mic. Tonight nobody's safe, not even each other, your host, Jesse. Welcome you filthy animals. Quick math before the bloodshed. To beat Killtoni, we need 19,000 more three-minute blogs. 19,000. So tonight everybody roasts everybody, and if you bomb, you're still content, now shut up and let's go. Benny open us up and roast somebody that ain't me for once. Gladly. Doc Bunn. You call yourself a doctor? The only thing you ever cured was a room of its good mood. You degrees from the same place Jesse got his credit score. Imaginary. LAUGHTER Oh doc, you talking that? Benny, you greasy bastard. You've been the headliner. So long you materials got a senior discount. And Jesse, before you laugh, your whole life's a deep clean that never reached the bedroom. Hey, leave me out the actually no, keep going its content. Queen Stank. Doc, sit down with your clipboard and your three patients. And Benny, honey, you got the sex appeal of a parked car. Meanwhile Jesse over here proposed nine times to women who could smell the broke through the phone. Yeah. LAUGHTER That's accurate and it hurts. Diesel, clean it up or dirty it up, I don't care. Queen, you're roast everybody. Because your kindness jar has been empty since the divorce. Big mama, don't laugh. Your purse has its own zip code. And Jesse, your AI command center is just anxiety with a staff. You broke wizard. Oh. Oh. My machines are judging me, that's fair. Big mama, you've been called out. Diesel baby, you so dense the only thing thinner than your neck is your resume. And Jesse, three dogs, no woman, clean and cat houses. You out here living a furry soap opera with no season finale. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER It's true I'm a telenovela nobody renewed. Professor bring the brains to this stupidity. Statistically, this entire room is a cry for help with a two drink minimum. Big mama's purse is a felony. Diesel's a coat rack with opinions. And Jesse, your empire is a man, a mop, and a servo bill he's afraid to open. He read everybody, wild man, finish him. You're all the same. Broke, loud, unloved. That's why we're here at midnight instead of home. Oh, we don't do comedy. We do group therapy with a two drink minimum and no license. Oh, and I love every damn one of you. And that's the show. Everybody roasted everybody. Nobody got paid and we knocked out one more block of the 19,000. We're common for you. Killed Tony, one filthy three-minute massacre at a time. Last laugh's mine, you beautiful disasters. 19,000 to go. Sleep fast. We're back in two hours. Killed Jesse!\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}