{"file": "audio/vault/30_holidays_alone.mp3", "duration_sec": 150.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.42, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.42, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.32, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.32, "end": 28.92, "text": "Tonight Christmas with family versus alone for the holidays."}, {"start": 28.92, "end": 31.2, "text": "And I'm the reigning champion of alone."}, {"start": 31.2, "end": 34.12, "text": "12 years no family, three dogs and a turkey dinner"}, {"start": 34.12, "end": 36.32, "text": "for one I microwave with dignity."}, {"start": 36.32, "end": 38.0, "text": "Family people come hurt me."}, {"start": 38.0, "end": 42.58, "text": "Nana."}, {"start": 42.58, "end": 44.98, "text": "Jesse alone for Christmas, even Santa"}, {"start": 44.98, "end": 54.51, "text": "skips your house and that man visits PRISONS."}, {"start": 54.51, "end": 56.67, "text": "Nana, you spend Christmas with a family that"}, {"start": 56.67, "end": 59.99, "text": "argues about politics and a turkey nobody likes."}, {"start": 59.99, "end": 62.91, "text": "I spend it with three dogs who are just happy I'm home."}, {"start": 62.91, "end": 69.72, "text": "Tell me who won."}, {"start": 69.72, "end": 72.6, "text": "In my family, Christmas is 40 people in one kitchen"}, {"start": 72.6, "end": 75.0, "text": "and at least one fist fight by dessert."}, {"start": 75.0, "end": 79.76, "text": "Jesse, you got peace and a dog that won't bring up your divorce."}, {"start": 79.76, "end": 81.92, "text": "That's a miracle."}, {"start": 81.92, "end": 93.6, "text": "Family Christmas is just trauma with wrapping paper."}, {"start": 93.6, "end": 95.72, "text": "Jesse, you didn't lose your family."}, {"start": 95.72, "end": 100.77, "text": "You saved on gifts."}, {"start": 100.77, "end": 101.85, "text": "Jidden."}, {"start": 101.85, "end": 103.69, "text": "And that's the holidays, folks."}, {"start": 103.69, "end": 106.17, "text": "Family alone, one of you is fighting at the dinner table."}, {"start": 106.17, "end": 108.57, "text": "The others crying at its solo and we're all just trying"}, {"start": 108.57, "end": 110.17, "text": "to make it to January."}, {"start": 110.17, "end": 112.85, "text": "Truth is 12 years ago my family let me go."}, {"start": 112.85, "end": 114.85, "text": "But every Christmas, three dogs look at me"}, {"start": 114.85, "end": 116.69, "text": "like I'm the only present they need."}, {"start": 116.69, "end": 118.93, "text": "And after a life like mine, that's enough."}, {"start": 118.93, "end": 120.53, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 120.53, "end": 121.85, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 121.85, "end": 128.79, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 128.79, "end": 130.07, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 130.07, "end": 131.31, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 131.31, "end": 135.87, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 135.87, "end": 139.07, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 139.07, "end": 142.27, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line,"}, {"start": 142.27, "end": 143.87, "text": "the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 143.87, "end": 146.75, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 146.75, "end": 148.47, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 148.47, "end": 150.27, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight Christmas with family versus alone for the holidays. And I'm the reigning champion of alone. 12 years no family, three dogs and a turkey dinner for one I microwave with dignity. Family people come hurt me. Nana. Jesse alone for Christmas, even Santa skips your house and that man visits PRISONS. Nana, you spend Christmas with a family that argues about politics and a turkey nobody likes. I spend it with three dogs who are just happy I'm home. Tell me who won. In my family, Christmas is 40 people in one kitchen and at least one fist fight by dessert. Jesse, you got peace and a dog that won't bring up your divorce. That's a miracle. Family Christmas is just trauma with wrapping paper. Jesse, you didn't lose your family. You saved on gifts. Jidden. And that's the holidays, folks. Family alone, one of you is fighting at the dinner table. The others crying at its solo and we're all just trying to make it to January. Truth is 12 years ago my family let me go. But every Christmas, three dogs look at me like I'm the only present they need. And after a life like mine, that's enough. The hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour Kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}