{"file": "audio/vault/309_roastbattle_tgif_202606270350.mp3", "duration_sec": 296.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "It's Friday and somebody's getting buried 18 and up."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 6.08, "text": "The red line TGIF roast battle, single elimination,"}, {"start": 6.08, "end": 16.2, "text": "no mercy, no medical, your referee and host, Jesse."}, {"start": 16.2, "end": 18.92, "text": "Welcome to the bracket you bloodthirsty degenerates."}, {"start": 18.92, "end": 20.84, "text": "Four comics enter, one gets crowned,"}, {"start": 20.84, "end": 23.12, "text": "and the final call is yours at home."}, {"start": 23.12, "end": 26.12, "text": "Best setups, best tags, best knockout punch."}, {"start": 26.12, "end": 29.95, "text": "Let's fight."}, {"start": 29.95, "end": 32.23, "text": "Semifinal one, Marcus versus Tony."}, {"start": 32.23, "end": 39.01, "text": "Marcus, you're up."}, {"start": 39.01, "end": 44.14, "text": "Tony, the only thing you ever killed was the vibe."}, {"start": 44.14, "end": 44.94, "text": "Cute."}, {"start": 44.94, "end": 46.9, "text": "Marcus's jokes are like their love life."}, {"start": 46.9, "end": 52.43, "text": "Short, sad and over before the setup."}, {"start": 52.43, "end": 55.31, "text": "Tony, your axe got more dust than the marquee."}, {"start": 55.31, "end": 62.29, "text": "They retired your material before they retired you."}, {"start": 62.29, "end": 65.61, "text": "Marcus, bomb so consistent, the key front row brought umbrella."}, {"start": 68.85, "end": 71.09, "text": "Tony, by a mile, Marcus brought a knife"}, {"start": 71.09, "end": 75.46, "text": "to a flame thrower fight."}, {"start": 75.46, "end": 78.06, "text": "Semifinal two, big mama versus Mickey."}, {"start": 78.06, "end": 85.36, "text": "Big mama, you're up."}, {"start": 85.36, "end": 87.8, "text": "Mickey, you're the human two drink minimum."}, {"start": 87.8, "end": 89.96, "text": "Nobody's here for you, but you're required."}, {"start": 89.96, "end": 95.56, "text": "Cute big mama."}, {"start": 95.56, "end": 101.88, "text": "Your career's got more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 101.88, "end": 104.56, "text": "Mickey, you're timing so bad you'd miss a punch line"}, {"start": 104.56, "end": 110.5, "text": "with a calendar."}, {"start": 110.5, "end": 113.78, "text": "Big mama, you're closer is weaker than your handshake."}, {"start": 113.78, "end": 119.26, "text": "And I've seen your handshake."}, {"start": 119.26, "end": 120.18, "text": "That's big mama."}, {"start": 120.18, "end": 126.42, "text": "No question Mickey got outwritten, out timed and outclassed."}, {"start": 126.42, "end": 127.7, "text": "And that's our final."}, {"start": 127.7, "end": 135.23, "text": "Tony versus big mama, winners bracket gloves off."}, {"start": 135.23, "end": 143.96, "text": "The final Tony versus big mama, Tony, you're up."}, {"start": 143.96, "end": 145.92, "text": "Big mama got into comedy because therapy"}, {"start": 145.92, "end": 150.9, "text": "had a wait list in a higher bar."}, {"start": 150.9, "end": 154.98, "text": "Cute, Tony, you've been an up-and-comer since Flip P.H.O. NES."}, {"start": 154.98, "end": 156.9, "text": "At some point, you're just a comer who gave up."}, {"start": 160.1, "end": 162.14, "text": "Big mama, you've got the stage presence"}, {"start": 162.14, "end": 168.66, "text": "of a fire drill nobody believed."}, {"start": 168.66, "end": 175.04, "text": "Tony heckles himself just to feel something."}, {"start": 175.04, "end": 178.04, "text": "Ooh, Tony takes that one knockout punch landed."}, {"start": 178.04, "end": 183.36, "text": "And big mama's still hunting for the setup."}, {"start": 183.36, "end": 184.4, "text": "But we're not done."}, {"start": 184.4, "end": 186.88, "text": "Tony won the bracket now they face the reigning champ"}, {"start": 186.88, "end": 188.12, "text": "for the real belt."}, {"start": 188.12, "end": 191.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, red line FIGHTS, the Battle of the Best"}, {"start": 191.88, "end": 195.32, "text": "Comic, defending the title the screaming preacher himself,"}, {"start": 195.32, "end": 203.84, "text": "The Wild Man."}, {"start": 203.84, "end": 207.72, "text": "Title match, Battle of the Best, Tony versus The Wild Man, Tony,"}, {"start": 207.72, "end": 214.06, "text": "you're up."}, {"start": 214.06, "end": 216.66, "text": "The Wild Man couldn't get a laugh in a tickle factory."}, {"start": 216.66, "end": 220.9, "text": "Cute."}, {"start": 220.9, "end": 223.62, "text": "Tony breaks the energy of a man reading his own eviction"}, {"start": 223.62, "end": 228.2, "text": "notice out loud."}, {"start": 228.2, "end": 231.0, "text": "The Wild Man's whole set is a dollar store firework."}, {"start": 231.0, "end": 236.68, "text": "Loud, disappointing, possibly illegal."}, {"start": 236.68, "end": 243.74, "text": "Tony writes punchlines on a napkin and still loses the napkin."}, {"start": 243.74, "end": 246.7, "text": "Tony wins it, harder tags meaner closer."}, {"start": 246.7, "end": 252.46, "text": "The Wild Man beautiful effort ugly scoreboard."}, {"start": 252.46, "end": 254.38, "text": "My call, the belt goes to Tony tonight,"}, {"start": 254.38, "end": 257.02, "text": "but here's the deal, you're the real judge."}, {"start": 257.02, "end": 260.1, "text": "Tony versus The Wild Man, way the setups, the tags,"}, {"start": 260.1, "end": 262.74, "text": "the knockout punch and you crown the best comic."}, {"start": 262.74, "end": 267.99, "text": "Text me your winner."}, {"start": 267.99, "end": 271.39, "text": "That's Kill Jesse, red line fights, a bracket, a title match"}, {"start": 271.39, "end": 273.59, "text": "blood on the mic and the people decide."}, {"start": 273.59, "end": 276.11, "text": "Nobody beats the house though and the house is me."}, {"start": 276.11, "end": 283.93, "text": "Last laughs mine, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 283.93, "end": 287.01, "text": "Cast your vote, crown the best comic, red line TGIF,"}, {"start": 287.01, "end": 289.61, "text": "roast battle and red line fights, Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIt's Friday and somebody's getting buried 18 and up. The red line TGIF roast battle, single elimination, no mercy, no medical, your referee and host, Jesse. Welcome to the bracket you bloodthirsty degenerates. Four comics enter, one gets crowned, and the final call is yours at home. Best setups, best tags, best knockout punch. Let's fight. Semifinal one, Marcus versus Tony. Marcus, you're up. Tony, the only thing you ever killed was the vibe. Cute. Marcus's jokes are like their love life. Short, sad and over before the setup. Tony, your axe got more dust than the marquee. They retired your material before they retired you. Marcus, bomb so consistent, the key front row brought umbrella. Tony, by a mile, Marcus brought a knife to a flame thrower fight. Semifinal two, big mama versus Mickey. Big mama, you're up. Mickey, you're the human two drink minimum. Nobody's here for you, but you're required. Cute big mama. Your career's got more red flags than a parade. Mickey, you're timing so bad you'd miss a punch line with a calendar. Big mama, you're closer is weaker than your handshake. And I've seen your handshake. That's big mama. No question Mickey got outwritten, out timed and outclassed. And that's our final. Tony versus big mama, winners bracket gloves off. The final Tony versus big mama, Tony, you're up. Big mama got into comedy because therapy had a wait list in a higher bar. Cute, Tony, you've been an up-and-comer since Flip P.H.O. NES. At some point, you're just a comer who gave up. Big mama, you've got the stage presence of a fire drill nobody believed. Tony heckles himself just to feel something. Ooh, Tony takes that one knockout punch landed. And big mama's still hunting for the setup. But we're not done. Tony won the bracket now they face the reigning champ for the real belt. This is Kill Jesse, red line FIGHTS, the Battle of the Best Comic, defending the title the screaming preacher himself, The Wild Man. Title match, Battle of the Best, Tony versus The Wild Man, Tony, you're up. The Wild Man couldn't get a laugh in a tickle factory. Cute. Tony breaks the energy of a man reading his own eviction notice out loud. The Wild Man's whole set is a dollar store firework. Loud, disappointing, possibly illegal. Tony writes punchlines on a napkin and still loses the napkin. Tony wins it, harder tags meaner closer. The Wild Man beautiful effort ugly scoreboard. My call, the belt goes to Tony tonight, but here's the deal, you're the real judge. Tony versus The Wild Man, way the setups, the tags, the knockout punch and you crown the best comic. Text me your winner. That's Kill Jesse, red line fights, a bracket, a title match blood on the mic and the people decide. Nobody beats the house though and the house is me. Last laughs mine, Kill Jesse. Cast your vote, crown the best comic, red line TGIF, roast battle and red line fights, Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}