{"file": "audio/vault/308_codexset_colorsofmypain_the_curse.mp3", "duration_sec": 297.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 7.36, "text": "A man so loved it ruined him 18 and up the origin story behind colors of my pain.com."}, {"start": 7.36, "end": 15.31, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 15.31, "end": 18.31, "text": "Welcome to ColorSoftmaPain.com live."}, {"start": 18.31, "end": 21.67, "text": "Tonight I'm gonna explain the worst thing that ever happened to me."}, {"start": 21.67, "end": 29.18, "text": "People loved me."}, {"start": 29.18, "end": 32.74, "text": "Since I was a teenager, women have wanted to marry me and have my kids."}, {"start": 32.74, "end": 35.3, "text": "And everybody goes, that's a blessing."}, {"start": 35.3, "end": 36.86, "text": "No, that's a curse."}, {"start": 36.86, "end": 39.82, "text": "You ever been wanted that hard by people you didn't even pick."}, {"start": 39.82, "end": 48.74, "text": "It's like being famous for a movie you never made."}, {"start": 48.74, "end": 51.66, "text": "I've been engaged so many times I stopped counting."}, {"start": 51.66, "end": 54.66, "text": "I've had more rings come back than a bowling alley."}, {"start": 54.66, "end": 66.82, "text": "At this point the jeweler doesn't say congratulations, he says, again."}, {"start": 66.82, "end": 71.22, "text": "I'm divorced, plus a stack of engagements I had to let go like a landlord."}, {"start": 71.22, "end": 81.74, "text": "I'm sorry, your application for forever has been DE and IED."}, {"start": 81.74, "end": 83.74, "text": "And here's the thing I peaked early."}, {"start": 83.74, "end": 95.68, "text": "At 19 I had my own business and a brand new car I bought with my own good credit, 19."}, {"start": 95.68, "end": 98.04, "text": "I had a vitamin business, think about that."}, {"start": 98.04, "end": 103.44, "text": "I was out here selling people health while my personal life was a straight-up deficiency."}, {"start": 103.44, "end": 115.93, "text": "Take two of these for energy, meanwhile I'm running on heartbreak and a free sample."}, {"start": 115.93, "end": 118.21, "text": "19 with a business and a new car."}, {"start": 118.21, "end": 119.65, "text": "You know what that means?"}, {"start": 119.65, "end": 132.1, "text": "I peaked at 19 and it's been a slow, dignified slide into a SWIFFER ever since."}, {"start": 132.1, "end": 134.26, "text": "People still say I don't look 50."}, {"start": 134.26, "end": 142.46, "text": "They say I look 40, never smoked, never did drugs and they asked my secret."}, {"start": 142.46, "end": 158.27, "text": "My secret I avoided the two things that really age a man, a wife and children."}, {"start": 158.27, "end": 160.11, "text": "Everybody says kids keep you young."}, {"start": 160.11, "end": 162.99, "text": "Lie, kids are time vampires with your own nose."}, {"start": 162.99, "end": 168.59, "text": "While you were up at 3am with a newborn screaming aging in dog ears, I was also up at 3am."}, {"start": 168.59, "end": 171.87, "text": "But alone by choice making eye contact with my fridge."}, {"start": 171.87, "end": 184.4, "text": "Same eye bags way better story."}, {"start": 184.4, "end": 190.04, "text": "I look 40 because nobody is screaming, DAAD at me at 6am in the morning."}, {"start": 190.04, "end": 201.07, "text": "The only thing that needs me at dawn has four legs and zero opinions about my parenting."}, {"start": 201.07, "end": 203.23, "text": "A married guy my age looks 60."}, {"start": 203.23, "end": 205.47, "text": "Why stress, sacrifice, no sleep."}, {"start": 205.47, "end": 207.71, "text": "He gave his face to a family, I kept mine."}, {"start": 207.71, "end": 220.76, "text": "The trade-off, he's got people a Thanksgiving, I've got great skin and a haunted stove."}, {"start": 220.76, "end": 223.48, "text": "That's the curse of being a red, the protector."}, {"start": 223.48, "end": 225.68, "text": "Everybody leans on you, everybody wants you."}, {"start": 225.68, "end": 227.56, "text": "He needs you to hold it together."}, {"start": 227.56, "end": 229.92, "text": "And nobody asks who's holding up the red."}, {"start": 229.92, "end": 237.9, "text": "So I built a website."}, {"start": 237.9, "end": 240.42, "text": "That's what colorsofmapein.com is."}, {"start": 240.42, "end": 245.9, "text": "A man who got loved too hard, too young, peaked at 19, dodged the family that ages you,"}, {"start": 245.9, "end": 247.78, "text": "kept his face and his freedom."}, {"start": 247.78, "end": 258.47, "text": "And is still somehow alone with a mop and a skincare routine he didn't ask for."}, {"start": 258.47, "end": 261.03, "text": "So here's the truth, you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 261.03, "end": 264.43, "text": "I'm 50, I look 40, I've been loved more times than I can count."}, {"start": 264.43, "end": 268.79, "text": "But I turned all of it, the curse, the rings, the vitamins, the sleepless nights for no reason,"}, {"start": 268.79, "end": 271.19, "text": "into a punchline with a domain name."}, {"start": 271.19, "end": 274.87, "text": "If your pain's gonna keep you up at night, it might as well pay rent."}, {"start": 274.87, "end": 276.39, "text": "That's the red line."}, {"start": 276.39, "end": 278.55, "text": "Last laughs mine and so's the moisturizer."}, {"start": 278.55, "end": 287.48, "text": "Love too much, age too little, broke as ever."}, {"start": 287.48, "end": 289.48, "text": "Visit colorsofmypain.com."}, {"start": 289.48, "end": 290.08, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nA man so loved it ruined him 18 and up the origin story behind colors of my pain.com. Jesse. Welcome to ColorSoftmaPain.com live. Tonight I'm gonna explain the worst thing that ever happened to me. People loved me. Since I was a teenager, women have wanted to marry me and have my kids. And everybody goes, that's a blessing. No, that's a curse. You ever been wanted that hard by people you didn't even pick. It's like being famous for a movie you never made. I've been engaged so many times I stopped counting. I've had more rings come back than a bowling alley. At this point the jeweler doesn't say congratulations, he says, again. I'm divorced, plus a stack of engagements I had to let go like a landlord. I'm sorry, your application for forever has been DE and IED. And here's the thing I peaked early. At 19 I had my own business and a brand new car I bought with my own good credit, 19. I had a vitamin business, think about that. I was out here selling people health while my personal life was a straight-up deficiency. Take two of these for energy, meanwhile I'm running on heartbreak and a free sample. 19 with a business and a new car. You know what that means? I peaked at 19 and it's been a slow, dignified slide into a SWIFFER ever since. People still say I don't look 50. They say I look 40, never smoked, never did drugs and they asked my secret. My secret I avoided the two things that really age a man, a wife and children. Everybody says kids keep you young. Lie, kids are time vampires with your own nose. While you were up at 3am with a newborn screaming aging in dog ears, I was also up at 3am. But alone by choice making eye contact with my fridge. Same eye bags way better story. I look 40 because nobody is screaming, DAAD at me at 6am in the morning. The only thing that needs me at dawn has four legs and zero opinions about my parenting. A married guy my age looks 60. Why stress, sacrifice, no sleep. He gave his face to a family, I kept mine. The trade-off, he's got people a Thanksgiving, I've got great skin and a haunted stove. That's the curse of being a red, the protector. Everybody leans on you, everybody wants you. He needs you to hold it together. And nobody asks who's holding up the red. So I built a website. That's what colorsofmapein.com is. A man who got loved too hard, too young, peaked at 19, dodged the family that ages you, kept his face and his freedom. And is still somehow alone with a mop and a skincare routine he didn't ask for. So here's the truth, you beautiful disasters. I'm 50, I look 40, I've been loved more times than I can count. But I turned all of it, the curse, the rings, the vitamins, the sleepless nights for no reason, into a punchline with a domain name. If your pain's gonna keep you up at night, it might as well pay rent. That's the red line. Last laughs mine and so's the moisturizer. Love too much, age too little, broke as ever. Visit colorsofmypain.com. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}