{"file": "audio/vault/299_auto_20260627_1.mp3", "duration_sec": 218.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.44, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight broke and beautiful."}, {"start": 34.44, "end": 39.44, "text": "I roast me first. You drove 90 minutes to bid on a house where the stove filed for disability."}, {"start": 39.44, "end": 40.44, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 40.44, "end": 55.96, "text": "You're the lock and the locksmith who can't get in."}, {"start": 55.96, "end": 57.96, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 57.96, "end": 60.96, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 60.96, "end": 61.96, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 61.96, "end": 68.13, "text": "You proposed nine times with ring pops."}, {"start": 68.13, "end": 71.13, "text": "The candy store knows your order. The jeweler thinks you died."}, {"start": 71.13, "end": 84.36, "text": "Hi Jesse. You roast yourself for a living because it's the only gig that always books you."}, {"start": 84.36, "end": 85.36, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 85.36, "end": 95.58, "text": "Three dogs, no wife, no kids. You didn't build a family. You built a petting zoo with a mortgage."}, {"start": 95.58, "end": 103.68, "text": "She showed up late, loud and somehow funnier than all of you."}, {"start": 103.68, "end": 105.68, "text": "The party that never RSVPs..."}, {"start": 105.68, "end": 106.68, "text": "Jess."}, {"start": 106.68, "end": 114.59, "text": "You text you up at 2am to a number disconnected since the Super Bowl."}, {"start": 114.59, "end": 121.07, "text": "All protein, one personality."}, {"start": 121.07, "end": 124.07, "text": "The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy, skip!"}, {"start": 124.07, "end": 130.14, "text": "You apologized to a self-checkout machine this morning."}, {"start": 130.14, "end": 132.14, "text": "Out loud to a kiosk."}, {"start": 132.14, "end": 139.86, "text": "You found a stove so dirty you could carbon date the grease."}, {"start": 139.86, "end": 152.45, "text": "I'm just the announcer, but you went on a diet and a budget the same week, so now you're broken hungry."}, {"start": 152.45, "end": 158.81, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 158.81, "end": 160.81, "text": "Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 160.81, "end": 163.81, "text": "Laff before the dark winds, this is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 163.81, "end": 172.5, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 172.5, "end": 180.5, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 180.5, "end": 183.5, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 183.5, "end": 186.5, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 186.5, "end": 189.5, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 189.5, "end": 191.5, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 191.5, "end": 194.5, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 194.5, "end": 197.5, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 197.5, "end": 200.5, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 200.5, "end": 205.5, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 205.5, "end": 209.5, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 209.5, "end": 211.5, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 211.5, "end": 212.5, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight broke and beautiful. I roast me first. You drove 90 minutes to bid on a house where the stove filed for disability. Bring it. You're the lock and the locksmith who can't get in. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! You proposed nine times with ring pops. The candy store knows your order. The jeweler thinks you died. Hi Jesse. You roast yourself for a living because it's the only gig that always books you. Forget about it. Three dogs, no wife, no kids. You didn't build a family. You built a petting zoo with a mortgage. She showed up late, loud and somehow funnier than all of you. The party that never RSVPs... Jess. You text you up at 2am to a number disconnected since the Super Bowl. All protein, one personality. The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy, skip! You apologized to a self-checkout machine this morning. Out loud to a kiosk. You found a stove so dirty you could carbon date the grease. I'm just the announcer, but you went on a diet and a budget the same week, so now you're broken hungry. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laff before the dark winds, this is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}