{"file": "audio/vault/295_codexset_freaky_tales_90s.mp3", "duration_sec": 308.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.88, "text": "Back before Wi-Fi, before helmets, before scents,"}, {"start": 2.88, "end": 6.4, "text": "a wild kid from Elk Grove survived a decade with no GPS"}, {"start": 6.4, "end": 7.6, "text": "and no supervision."}, {"start": 7.6, "end": 10.8, "text": "18 and up, freaky tales from the 90s with Jesse."}, {"start": 18.02, "end": 19.78, "text": "The 90s were feral man."}, {"start": 19.78, "end": 22.1, "text": "Our parents loved us by ignoring us."}, {"start": 22.1, "end": 24.82, "text": "The rule was be home when the street lights come on."}, {"start": 24.82, "end": 27.14, "text": "And if you weren't, that was your problem and the nights."}, {"start": 33.79, "end": 37.39, "text": "We drank water from a garden hose that had been baking in the sun,"}, {"start": 37.39, "end": 39.55, "text": "tasted like rubber and tetanus,"}, {"start": 39.55, "end": 43.23, "text": "built a whole immune system out of bad decisions and hot plastic."}, {"start": 49.98, "end": 51.5, "text": "Dial up internet man."}, {"start": 51.5, "end": 53.82, "text": "You'd wait three minutes for one picture to load,"}, {"start": 53.82, "end": 56.14, "text": "top to bottom like a slow strip tease,"}, {"start": 56.14, "end": 59.5, "text": "and right before it got good, your mom picked up the phone and killed it."}, {"start": 60.14, "end": 63.02, "text": "Worst case of blue balls the 90s ever invented."}, {"start": 71.2, "end": 73.44, "text": "We had pages you'd type one, four, three."}, {"start": 73.44, "end": 78.08, "text": "I love you in numbers then sit by a paph on like a drug dealer waiting on romance."}, {"start": 78.08, "end": 80.8, "text": "That was for play, a number on a beeper and hope."}, {"start": 87.49, "end": 90.05, "text": "Collect calls, you have a collect call from,"}, {"start": 90.05, "end": 92.61, "text": "and you'd cram your whole message into the name part."}, {"start": 92.61, "end": 95.33, "text": "MOMITSMECOMPICAMUP."}, {"start": 95.33, "end": 97.41, "text": "Free information, you cheap geniuses."}, {"start": 97.41, "end": 98.69, "text": "We were broke and brilliant."}, {"start": 105.38, "end": 109.86, "text": "Blockbuster on a Friday, the whole family arguing in an aisle and there's one copy of the"}, {"start": 109.86, "end": 111.54, "text": "good movie and it's gone."}, {"start": 111.54, "end": 114.98, "text": "So you rent something with a robot on the cover and a lie for a plot."}, {"start": 114.98, "end": 117.78, "text": "And the late fee, the late fee outlived the store."}, {"start": 125.98, "end": 128.38, "text": "My first heartbreak was a tomagotchi."}, {"start": 128.38, "end": 132.14, "text": "I forgot to feed it during math class and that little egg died on me."}, {"start": 132.7, "end": 137.34, "text": "50 years old and I've still got more closure with my exes than I ever got from that pixel."}, {"start": 143.98, "end": 146.14, "text": "We made mixtapes off the radio."}, {"start": 146.14, "end": 148.7, "text": "You'd wait all day for your song, hit record,"}, {"start": 148.7, "end": 151.5, "text": "and the DJ would talk over the intro like the prick he was."}, {"start": 152.14, "end": 155.02, "text": "That's why my generation has trust issues and rhythm."}, {"start": 161.7, "end": 166.66, "text": "No GPS, you printed out map quest eight pages and if you missed one turn you were just"}, {"start": 166.9, "end": 168.34, "text": "gone a ghost."}, {"start": 168.34, "end": 172.98, "text": "You pull into a gas station and ask a stranger for directions and trust him with your life."}, {"start": 179.63, "end": 182.27, "text": "Saturday morning cartoons were a sacrament."}, {"start": 182.27, "end": 185.47, "text": "You woke up at 6 a.m. on the one day you could sleep in,"}, {"start": 185.47, "end": 190.59, "text": "ate cereal with enough sugar to kill a horse and watched commercials for toys your broke ass"}, {"start": 190.59, "end": 191.31, "text": "would never get."}, {"start": 199.54, "end": 205.22, "text": "Being a Mexican kid in elk grove in the 90s, I got jumped by six kids once, six,"}, {"start": 205.22, "end": 209.86, "text": "and I fought back not because I was brave because I was broke and those were my only shoes."}, {"start": 209.86, "end": 212.58, "text": "You don't run in the only shoes, that's economics baby."}, {"start": 221.18, "end": 225.18, "text": "We rode bikes with no helmets off ramps we built out of plywood and delusion."}, {"start": 225.74, "end": 229.26, "text": "No pads, no scents, no 911 in your pocket."}, {"start": 229.26, "end": 231.9, "text": "If you got hurt you walked it off or you became a legend."}, {"start": 232.46, "end": 233.66, "text": "Both options were free."}, {"start": 240.4, "end": 243.04, "text": "Nobody texted you up in the 90s."}, {"start": 243.04, "end": 248.0, "text": "You threw rocks at a window like a gentleman and if her dad came out you discovered cardio"}, {"start": 248.0, "end": 248.96, "text": "you didn't know you had."}, {"start": 257.17, "end": 261.57, "text": "We had one family computer in the living room so your private browsing was a public event."}, {"start": 262.05, "end": 264.53, "text": "You learned to type fast and live faster."}, {"start": 264.53, "end": 269.41, "text": "The 90s made me the man I am, anxious, resourceful and great in a power outage."}, {"start": 276.13, "end": 280.13, "text": "Here's the freaky truth, the 90s gave us nothing and somehow everything."}, {"start": 280.13, "end": 284.93, "text": "No phones, no money, no safety just hoses, mixtapes, bad ramps and each other."}, {"start": 284.93, "end": 287.97, "text": "We were broke as hell and freer than these kids will ever be."}, {"start": 287.97, "end": 290.69, "text": "That's not nostalgia, that's the red line."}, {"start": 290.77, "end": 292.85, "text": "Last laughs mine, 90s survivors."}, {"start": 298.77, "end": 300.77, "text": "Be kind, rewind and kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nBack before Wi-Fi, before helmets, before scents, a wild kid from Elk Grove survived a decade with no GPS and no supervision. 18 and up, freaky tales from the 90s with Jesse. The 90s were feral man. Our parents loved us by ignoring us. The rule was be home when the street lights come on. And if you weren't, that was your problem and the nights. We drank water from a garden hose that had been baking in the sun, tasted like rubber and tetanus, built a whole immune system out of bad decisions and hot plastic. Dial up internet man. You'd wait three minutes for one picture to load, top to bottom like a slow strip tease, and right before it got good, your mom picked up the phone and killed it. Worst case of blue balls the 90s ever invented. We had pages you'd type one, four, three. I love you in numbers then sit by a paph on like a drug dealer waiting on romance. That was for play, a number on a beeper and hope. Collect calls, you have a collect call from, and you'd cram your whole message into the name part. MOMITSMECOMPICAMUP. Free information, you cheap geniuses. We were broke and brilliant. Blockbuster on a Friday, the whole family arguing in an aisle and there's one copy of the good movie and it's gone. So you rent something with a robot on the cover and a lie for a plot. And the late fee, the late fee outlived the store. My first heartbreak was a tomagotchi. I forgot to feed it during math class and that little egg died on me. 50 years old and I've still got more closure with my exes than I ever got from that pixel. We made mixtapes off the radio. You'd wait all day for your song, hit record, and the DJ would talk over the intro like the prick he was. That's why my generation has trust issues and rhythm. No GPS, you printed out map quest eight pages and if you missed one turn you were just gone a ghost. You pull into a gas station and ask a stranger for directions and trust him with your life. Saturday morning cartoons were a sacrament. You woke up at 6 a.m. on the one day you could sleep in, ate cereal with enough sugar to kill a horse and watched commercials for toys your broke ass would never get. Being a Mexican kid in elk grove in the 90s, I got jumped by six kids once, six, and I fought back not because I was brave because I was broke and those were my only shoes. You don't run in the only shoes, that's economics baby. We rode bikes with no helmets off ramps we built out of plywood and delusion. No pads, no scents, no 911 in your pocket. If you got hurt you walked it off or you became a legend. Both options were free. Nobody texted you up in the 90s. You threw rocks at a window like a gentleman and if her dad came out you discovered cardio you didn't know you had. We had one family computer in the living room so your private browsing was a public event. You learned to type fast and live faster. The 90s made me the man I am, anxious, resourceful and great in a power outage. Here's the freaky truth, the 90s gave us nothing and somehow everything. No phones, no money, no safety just hoses, mixtapes, bad ramps and each other. We were broke as hell and freer than these kids will ever be. That's not nostalgia, that's the red line. Last laughs mine, 90s survivors. Be kind, rewind and kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}