{"file": "audio/vault/291_codexset_filthy_cleaning_crew.mp3", "duration_sec": 251.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.82, "text": "18 and up, the nastiest job in America told by the man on his knees with a brush in no dignity."}, {"start": 5.82, "end": 7.82, "text": "Jesse, uncensored."}, {"start": 7.82, "end": 19.02, "text": "I clean houses for a living, which means I've seen the truth about people."}, {"start": 19.02, "end": 28.74, "text": "Your house is where you lie, but your trash is where you confess."}, {"start": 28.74, "end": 31.98, "text": "I find things under beds that should be in a crime lab."}, {"start": 31.98, "end": 34.58, "text": "One house I pulled out a toy that buzzed back."}, {"start": 34.58, "end": 45.09, "text": "We made eye contact me in that thing, it won."}, {"start": 45.09, "end": 46.89, "text": "Rich people are the nastiest."}, {"start": 46.89, "end": 51.63, "text": "Big house, marble floors and a bathroom that looks like the apocalypse had diarrhea."}, {"start": 51.63, "end": 53.13, "text": "Money can't buy aim."}, {"start": 53.13, "end": 63.02, "text": "I cleaned one bedroom so freaky I had to sage it and myself."}, {"start": 63.02, "end": 72.0, "text": "I left holy water reviews on Yelp."}, {"start": 72.0, "end": 74.8, "text": "People hide their toys when the cleaner comes badly."}, {"start": 74.8, "end": 77.0, "text": "Sir, I've seen where you put it."}, {"start": 77.0, "end": 88.11, "text": "Behind the protein powder is not a hiding spot, it's a confession."}, {"start": 88.11, "end": 90.67, "text": "I scrub other people's filth all day."}, {"start": 90.67, "end": 95.39, "text": "Then go home to MY apartment and that's where I lose hope because nobody's coming to clean"}, {"start": 95.39, "end": 102.63, "text": "up at me."}, {"start": 102.63, "end": 106.59, "text": "Found a stove with so much grease I could have deep fried a sin in it."}, {"start": 106.59, "end": 116.15, "text": "That kitchen hadn't seen soap since the last administration."}, {"start": 116.15, "end": 119.19, "text": "Today I cleaned a cat house, I have three dogs."}, {"start": 119.19, "end": 124.59, "text": "So I show up covered in dog hair scrubbing cat hair smelling like betrayal to both species."}, {"start": 124.59, "end": 135.12, "text": "I'm a double agent and everybody wants me dead."}, {"start": 135.12, "end": 138.6, "text": "The dirtiest thing in any house isn't the toilet, it's the couch."}, {"start": 138.6, "end": 148.4, "text": "That couch has seen things, that couch needs therapy and a priest."}, {"start": 148.4, "end": 150.8, "text": "A client said don't worry about the bedroom."}, {"start": 150.8, "end": 153.84, "text": "Ma'am that's like telling a firefighter ignore the fire."}, {"start": 153.84, "end": 161.36, "text": "Now I have to know."}, {"start": 161.36, "end": 166.08, "text": "I've cleaned up after parties where the only survivor was a single high heel and a sense"}, {"start": 166.08, "end": 176.12, "text": "of regret thick enough to mop."}, {"start": 176.12, "end": 179.76, "text": "Five stars on every review, the only one star I ever got."}, {"start": 179.76, "end": 182.96, "text": "The woman who saw MY apartment, she didn't write words."}, {"start": 182.96, "end": 192.08, "text": "She drew a little frowny face out of dog hair."}, {"start": 192.08, "end": 195.92, "text": "People go isn't cleaning toilets gross, the toilet is the honest part."}, {"start": 195.92, "end": 198.16, "text": "It's the nightstand drawer that'll haunt you."}, {"start": 198.16, "end": 207.34, "text": "I've aged in real time opening a nightstand."}, {"start": 207.34, "end": 211.02, "text": "I don't get paid enough to know this much about strangers' sex lives."}, {"start": 211.02, "end": 223.02, "text": "I'm basically a forensic jiggle-o with a swiffer and zero benefits."}, {"start": 223.02, "end": 224.3, "text": "Here's the filthy truth."}, {"start": 224.3, "end": 228.62, "text": "I walk into other people's nastiest secrets and leave it spotless, which is the one"}, {"start": 228.62, "end": 232.38, "text": "thing I can do for somebody that I could never do for myself."}, {"start": 232.38, "end": 233.94, "text": "That's the red line."}, {"start": 233.94, "end": 241.63, "text": "Last laugh in the bleach are mine."}, {"start": 241.63, "end": 244.59, "text": "He came, he saw, he sanitized the unspeakable."}, {"start": 244.59, "end": 246.11, "text": "Wash your hands, kill Jesse!"}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\n18 and up, the nastiest job in America told by the man on his knees with a brush in no dignity. Jesse, uncensored. I clean houses for a living, which means I've seen the truth about people. Your house is where you lie, but your trash is where you confess. I find things under beds that should be in a crime lab. One house I pulled out a toy that buzzed back. We made eye contact me in that thing, it won. Rich people are the nastiest. Big house, marble floors and a bathroom that looks like the apocalypse had diarrhea. Money can't buy aim. I cleaned one bedroom so freaky I had to sage it and myself. I left holy water reviews on Yelp. People hide their toys when the cleaner comes badly. Sir, I've seen where you put it. Behind the protein powder is not a hiding spot, it's a confession. I scrub other people's filth all day. Then go home to MY apartment and that's where I lose hope because nobody's coming to clean up at me. Found a stove with so much grease I could have deep fried a sin in it. That kitchen hadn't seen soap since the last administration. Today I cleaned a cat house, I have three dogs. So I show up covered in dog hair scrubbing cat hair smelling like betrayal to both species. I'm a double agent and everybody wants me dead. The dirtiest thing in any house isn't the toilet, it's the couch. That couch has seen things, that couch needs therapy and a priest. A client said don't worry about the bedroom. Ma'am that's like telling a firefighter ignore the fire. Now I have to know. I've cleaned up after parties where the only survivor was a single high heel and a sense of regret thick enough to mop. Five stars on every review, the only one star I ever got. The woman who saw MY apartment, she didn't write words. She drew a little frowny face out of dog hair. People go isn't cleaning toilets gross, the toilet is the honest part. It's the nightstand drawer that'll haunt you. I've aged in real time opening a nightstand. I don't get paid enough to know this much about strangers' sex lives. I'm basically a forensic jiggle-o with a swiffer and zero benefits. Here's the filthy truth. I walk into other people's nastiest secrets and leave it spotless, which is the one thing I can do for somebody that I could never do for myself. That's the red line. Last laugh in the bleach are mine. He came, he saw, he sanitized the unspeakable. Wash your hands, kill Jesse!\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}