{"file": "audio/vault/282_codexset_colors_filthy_rideshare.mp3", "duration_sec": 294.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.28, "text": "Warning, this one's filthy. Hide the kids, lock the dogs 18 and up only. The dirtiest"}, {"start": 5.28, "end": 8.0, "text": "cut of the back seat. Jesse, uncensored."}, {"start": 8.0, "end": 20.02, "text": "My back seat has seen more action than I have, and I own the damn car. That's the real"}, {"start": 20.02, "end": 24.42, "text": "heartbreak. My carol is getting laid and I'm up front like a chauffeur for everybody's"}, {"start": 24.42, "end": 35.9, "text": "sex life, but mine. A couple starts going at it in the back. I hit a red light light."}, {"start": 35.9, "end": 40.22, "text": "Y'all want me to circle the block or should I just narrate? Five stars full service."}, {"start": 40.22, "end": 53.09, "text": "Tonight's pain color. Two people who swore they were just friends fogging up my windows gray."}, {"start": 59.87, "end": 65.23, "text": "His place after midnight isn't romance. It's a booty call with a five dollar delivery fee,"}, {"start": 65.23, "end": 67.23, "text": "and I'm the door dash for bad decisions."}, {"start": 73.89, "end": 78.77, "text": "Guy gets enreaking of cologne and desperation. Bro, I'm about to change her life. Sir,"}, {"start": 78.77, "end": 83.25, "text": "you're gonna change her mind in four minutes, then request a ride home alone."}, {"start": 83.65, "end": 95.82, "text": "I'm 50 broke and single. I haven't had sex in so long my bodies a museum."}, {"start": 96.3, "end": 100.38, "text": "The exhibits closed, the gift shops bankrupt and the docent quit out of pity."}, {"start": 107.09, "end": 111.09, "text": "Drunk girl leans up. You ever just need to be railed to feel something?"}, {"start": 111.09, "end": 114.05, "text": "Ma'am, I need to be paid to feel something. We're not the same."}, {"start": 122.27, "end": 127.55, "text": "My dating life so dead my right hand left me. It said it's not you, it's also you,"}, {"start": 127.55, "end": 138.91, "text": "and moved in with somebody who has Wi-Fi. Couples fighting in the back about who finished first."}, {"start": 138.91, "end": 142.83, "text": "I'm thinking brother you both lost, and now I got a febres the evidence."}, {"start": 149.58, "end": 153.9, "text": "Pain color, she moaned her ex's name two blocks from his apartment purple."}, {"start": 153.9, "end": 155.58, "text": "That ride was silent after that."}, {"start": 163.76, "end": 169.04, "text": "A guy goes can you wait, this'll be quick. Sir, every woman in your life already knows it'll be quick."}, {"start": 169.04, "end": 180.02, "text": "That's not a flex. I've had people ask me to pull over so they could throw up and hook up."}, {"start": 180.02, "end": 185.94, "text": "Sometimes the same person, same window in that order. The human body is nasty and ambitious."}, {"start": 192.62, "end": 197.42, "text": "Bachelorette party piles in screaming about what they're gonna do to some poor stripper named"}, {"start": 197.42, "end": 212.02, "text": "Magnum. Ladies I'm right here, divorced and flexible on price. Pain color, I can hear the seat belt"}, {"start": 212.02, "end": 223.9, "text": "and the moaning and I gotta keep a five star attitude red. Dude tips me 20 bucks for the discretion."}, {"start": 224.38, "end": 228.94, "text": "Buddy the discretion is free, the therapy I now need that's gonna cost us both."}, {"start": 235.62, "end": 239.54, "text": "People treat my back seat like a no tell motel with a Honda warranty."}, {"start": 239.54, "end": 252.82, "text": "At least the motel changes the sheets, I just spray and pray. I'm not bitter that everybody's getting"}, {"start": 252.82, "end": 258.58, "text": "laid in my car. I'm just keeping a list. It's called colors of my pain and it's filthy, it's funny"}, {"start": 258.58, "end": 270.08, "text": "and somebody owes me a deep clean. Here's the truth, I turned 11 years of other people's"}, {"start": 270.08, "end": 275.76, "text": "filth into a comedy set because if my pain doesn't make me money it's just blue balls with a backstory."}, {"start": 275.76, "end": 279.28, "text": "That's the red line. Last laugh as always is mine."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nWarning, this one's filthy. Hide the kids, lock the dogs 18 and up only. The dirtiest cut of the back seat. Jesse, uncensored. My back seat has seen more action than I have, and I own the damn car. That's the real heartbreak. My carol is getting laid and I'm up front like a chauffeur for everybody's sex life, but mine. A couple starts going at it in the back. I hit a red light light. Y'all want me to circle the block or should I just narrate? Five stars full service. Tonight's pain color. Two people who swore they were just friends fogging up my windows gray. His place after midnight isn't romance. It's a booty call with a five dollar delivery fee, and I'm the door dash for bad decisions. Guy gets enreaking of cologne and desperation. Bro, I'm about to change her life. Sir, you're gonna change her mind in four minutes, then request a ride home alone. I'm 50 broke and single. I haven't had sex in so long my bodies a museum. The exhibits closed, the gift shops bankrupt and the docent quit out of pity. Drunk girl leans up. You ever just need to be railed to feel something? Ma'am, I need to be paid to feel something. We're not the same. My dating life so dead my right hand left me. It said it's not you, it's also you, and moved in with somebody who has Wi-Fi. Couples fighting in the back about who finished first. I'm thinking brother you both lost, and now I got a febres the evidence. Pain color, she moaned her ex's name two blocks from his apartment purple. That ride was silent after that. A guy goes can you wait, this'll be quick. Sir, every woman in your life already knows it'll be quick. That's not a flex. I've had people ask me to pull over so they could throw up and hook up. Sometimes the same person, same window in that order. The human body is nasty and ambitious. Bachelorette party piles in screaming about what they're gonna do to some poor stripper named Magnum. Ladies I'm right here, divorced and flexible on price. Pain color, I can hear the seat belt and the moaning and I gotta keep a five star attitude red. Dude tips me 20 bucks for the discretion. Buddy the discretion is free, the therapy I now need that's gonna cost us both. People treat my back seat like a no tell motel with a Honda warranty. At least the motel changes the sheets, I just spray and pray. I'm not bitter that everybody's getting laid in my car. I'm just keeping a list. It's called colors of my pain and it's filthy, it's funny and somebody owes me a deep clean. Here's the truth, I turned 11 years of other people's filth into a comedy set because if my pain doesn't make me money it's just blue balls with a backstory. That's the red line. Last laugh as always is mine.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}