{"file": "audio/vault/281_latenight_ln_money.mp3", "duration_sec": 146.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 6.38, "text": "Midnight. The bills are due, the fridge is empty and the comedy is free. This is late night red line. Your host Doc Burn"}, {"start": 11.61, "end": 15.85, "text": "Evening degenerates money or as I call it the thing that leaves faster than my dates"}, {"start": 16.09, "end": 21.21, "text": "They say money can't buy happiness true, but it can buy a door you can finally close on your relatives"}, {"start": 22.81, "end": 32.16, "text": "I'm so broke my bank doesn't send me statements anymore. It sends me condolences"}, {"start": 32.38, "end": 35.84, "text": "My credit score is just a single tear in spreadsheet form"}, {"start": 36.84, "end": 46.36, "text": "Inflation is wild. I went to the store with a list and came back with a single onion and a new understanding of despair"}, {"start": 46.84, "end": 58.43, "text": "My boss Jesse drives three Teslas and can't make rent. That's not a flex"}, {"start": 58.43, "end": 61.41, "text": "That's a man living in the future and getting evicted from it"}, {"start": 65.52, "end": 71.64, "text": "Three Teslas no rent at least when I get evicted. I'll do it in silence zero to homeless in 3.2 seconds"}, {"start": 72.28, "end": 75.76, "text": "Electric eco-friendly still broke, but the planet says thanks"}, {"start": 75.76, "end": 85.78, "text": "Boss takes the round again. Good night stay broke stay beautiful"}, {"start": 86.1, "end": 93.58, "text": "Hold up before we wrap open mic lightning bench roast me go go geo"}, {"start": 98.23, "end": 103.11, "text": "Jesse's retirement plan is a punchline and a prayer he's not allowed to say"}, {"start": 107.76, "end": 111.44, "text": "Jesse talks to his phone so much the assistant started screening his calls"}, {"start": 115.61, "end": 119.53, "text": "Jesse vacuumed so much cat hair today. He's legally part person now"}, {"start": 119.81, "end": 129.04, "text": "Ha get out of here you beautiful degenerates. I walked into every one of those"}, {"start": 129.76, "end": 138.76, "text": "That was late night red line then Mo the host kill Jesse"}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nMidnight. The bills are due, the fridge is empty and the comedy is free. This is late night red line. Your host Doc Burn Evening degenerates money or as I call it the thing that leaves faster than my dates They say money can't buy happiness true, but it can buy a door you can finally close on your relatives I'm so broke my bank doesn't send me statements anymore. It sends me condolences My credit score is just a single tear in spreadsheet form Inflation is wild. I went to the store with a list and came back with a single onion and a new understanding of despair My boss Jesse drives three Teslas and can't make rent. That's not a flex That's a man living in the future and getting evicted from it Three Teslas no rent at least when I get evicted. I'll do it in silence zero to homeless in 3.2 seconds Electric eco-friendly still broke, but the planet says thanks Boss takes the round again. Good night stay broke stay beautiful Hold up before we wrap open mic lightning bench roast me go go geo Jesse's retirement plan is a punchline and a prayer he's not allowed to say Jesse talks to his phone so much the assistant started screening his calls Jesse vacuumed so much cat hair today. He's legally part person now Ha get out of here you beautiful degenerates. I walked into every one of those That was late night red line then Mo the host kill Jesse\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}